Okaaaay, car has been retrieved. Intact. Undamaged, with almost 3/4 tank of fuel (pretty much what was in it), and all of its contents. I mean all of them.
It seems that whoever took it drove 20 miles or so north to Crickhowell, parked the car on a housing estate, and left it. The local residents say it was there for a week before they realised it was abandoned, and only because they had visitors and it was blocking their drive. So they looked at it and saw it was unlocked, and the keys were in the ignition (and had been for a week).
Basically, someone needed a lift home, so burgled our house, took our keys, stole the car, and drove it home, then abandoned it. I'm utterly bewildered at the sort of mindset required to do that, but delighted to get it back with no need for any sort of an insurance claim. MOT is booked for tomorrow, so I will have a functional car tomorrow evening.
I'm baffled though. You commit burglary and theft, take someone's car, and then balk at stealing anything from within that car???!!! They drank about half a can of diet coke from our car supplies, and that's it. Oh yes, and they left a t-shirt on the back seat that wasn't there when we last used the car, so that is now bagged in a clean ziplock freezer bag and awaiting collection by the police.
People that stupid should have been removed by evolution by now.
Ah well, I'm happy.