Isn't *daft* great

[decorum]

A conversation I had yesterday has got me wondering - about the odd, strange an down right weird things we say.

Amongst my favourites are:

A statement from a former superviser when moving several people from one working area to another -

'Follow me, I'll be right behind you'


The comment 'It doesn't make sense does it' - the pure and simple logic of reasoning of the very short ensuing conversation was:

Chris - 'It doesn't make sense does it'
Me - 'What doesn't make sense?'
Chris - 'I don't know!'

He then wandered off leaving me completely bemused - and to this day I still don't know what he didn't understand!


And the 'Is this sausage dead?' conversation which went like this:

Scout - 'Is this sausage dead?'
Me - 'Did it squeal when you pushed that stick throught it?'
Scout - 'No'
Me - 'Did it squeal when you put it put it over the embers?'
Scout - 'No'
Me - 'I think that we can safely assume that you do, indeed, have a dead sausage on your stick'
Scout - 'So, it's ok to eat it then?'
Me - 'No, it's still raw'
Scout - 'But you said it was dead!'

I'm going to try to keep him away from the subject of fish fingers!


Isn't *daft* great

 

[Wayland]

I often get asked by kids in school if my furs and skins are dead.

I usually just reply that if that (animal) isn't dead then it's in a lot of pain.

They work it out eventually.

 

[StJon]

One from my childhood mad famous by Billy C, "I'll take ma hon aff yir face".
jon

 

[Toddy]

At a public re-enactment a Viking blacksmith known as Boj was belting away at an iron bar. A father with two young sons walked past and knowledgeably announced in a loud voice,
"That's no' right, they didnae have iron back then!"

Boj promptly replied, with every nuance of dry Scots sarcasm he could,

"Aye, they jist gaffa taped Christ tae the cross......."





cheers,
Toddy

 

[Wayland]

I was running a Roman kitchen at Chedworth a few years back when an antipodean lady asked me why the Romans had buried the buildings when they left. :11doh:

 

[sam_acw]

I remember one of our most common questions from members of the public when I was reenacting - is that a real fire?
Well what else could it be?

 

[Wayland]

Did you ever get "Did they have women back then?"....

 

[Eric_Methven]

When I was with the Household Cavalry, we occasionally did duty at Windsor Castle. I've frequently heard our colonial cousins ask if it was a real castle. "No madam, it's plastic!" was the stock reply.

One American lady was overheard complaining just after Concorde flew over at a fairly low altitude. "Jees! What a stoopid place to build a castle - right under a flightpath".

Eric

 

[decorum]

Two from my late mother.

Whist on a trip to America she used the oh-so-typical English apologetical way of getting someones attention. She tried to get the attention of a *stranger* with 'Excuse me, I'm sorry .....', this was as far as she got before the *stranger* cut in with 'Why, What have you done?' She got the full attention of the *stranger* was a New York City Police Officer :notworthy who couldn't quite grasp that she wanted directions and reeally wasn't trying to confess to a crime.

Again in America - A woman, justifyably proud of the age and heritage of her home, was left stumped by a friend of my mother who in reply to 'My home was built in 1752 (Pure guess at date - but a lot less than 300 years) and is probably one of the oldest in this state, if not the whole of the U.S.A!' was told 'Oh, is that all? My cottage was built in 1452 (pure guess again - but it was Tudor). Bless the logic of anyone who, with a straight face, can say - 'But that was before Europe gave birth to America!'

 

[SimonM]

One from my Mum to my Dad when I was in my early teens...

"If I'm not in when you get back, you know I've gone out"

We just looked at each other and burst out laughing. Every now & then we remind her ....

but only if she gets the baby photos out!

Simon

 

[bigjackbrass]

I used to work with a girl who asked why I often jotted down notes to myself.

"They're reminders, " I said. "I find it easier to remember things if I write them down."

Oh I don't," she replied. "When I read something it just goes in one ear and out the other..."

 

[sandbender]

While walking along Princess Street in Edinburgh, I was stopped and asked for directions by two elderly North Americans, They wanted to visit Edinburgh Castle.

Some geography for anyone who hasn't visited Edinburgh, the imposing mass of castle rock and Edinburgh castle can be seen from any part of Princess Street, however getting to the castle requires a bit of legwork, you must either circle around to the left or right of Princess Street Gardens and approach it via North Bridge and the High Street or Kings Stables Road and the Grassmarket.

I provided the couple with both options, their response?

"They don't make it easy to get to do they?"

 

[spamel]

Just the other day, it was early and I hadn't had any coffee so was half asleep! I had to call Transco to get them to do a safety check on a customers house as their gas service was inside the building. When asked where I was calling from, before I knew what I was saying, I replied "My mobile phone!"

They wanted to know which Company I was working for!

 

[malcolmc]

I love American waitresses. At a diner in Florida one was trying to persuade my partner and me to visit a small medieval theme park. She said it had a real castle; I know I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t resist saying I doubted it. She then said “Oh yes it is, they’ve made films there".

In a Texas diner I couldn’t understand the names of the dishes on the menu so asked the waitress what she would recommend for a vegetarian. She came straight back with “I recommend you leave the State". Of course with my English accent she knew I didn’t have a gun. :AR15firin

 

[falling rain]

Graham Taylor - Ex England football manager............. "whichever team scores first will have the adavntage"

 

[Dougster]

I worked in an antique shop in a former life in Hay-on-Wye.

A brummy lady came in and asked about the wardrobe - it was, ornate, engraved, beautiful, mahogany, georgian and about £2.5k, but had sold on it.

In a deep brummy accent (sorry Midlands colleagues)

'When you gittin another wun?'

Stunned - I'm sorry, I've no idea.

 

[decorum]

And then there are two conversation I had with members of our Occupational Health Department .

In response to the comment 'You need to take more responsibility for your condition!'

'I'm working at more than 100% of efficiency, I'm not asking for any allowances or restriction of duties, the only reason I'm here talking to you is because it's at the insisance of the company, the only time I've missed has been at the insistance of the this dept and I've argued down the amount of 'rest' this department has insisted I'd need --- Just how much more responsibility can I take for 'my condition?' - A couple of weeks later I was classed unfit to work by the department. Nine days later I was informed that I was epileptic!


Then, again from the O.H dept, came this one:

'There's no reason that someone with epilepsy can't work'
'Does that mean that you're going to allow me to come back to work?'
'No, you're unfit'
'So why tell me that there's no reason that I can't work?
'I didn't say that'
'Yes you did. You said that there's no reason that someone with epilepsy can't work!'
'I was trying to build your confidence up'
'How, by lying to me?'
'I didn't lie to you'
'Yes you did. At first you tell me that there's no reason that I can't work then you refuse to allow me to'

This conversation went on for quite a while . . . . in exactly the same vein.

 

[xlfive]

My friends used to own a touring caravan,one day we were outside and my mates mrs said "and its got an Awning" to which my wife replied oh our car has a one too

 

[Landy_Dom]

A couple from an old boss:

when a meeting was being distracted by off-topic discussion:

"now now lads we're going off on a tandem"

and at another meeting:

"I think we should go on one of those team building sessions... do some male bondage"

made me laugh....

 

[mr dazzler]

What about the time my dear old dad proudly went into some french shop (he retired to France and couldnt speak a word of the language at first) and asked for bidet covers instead of duvet cover's
"dote come running tuh me when yer brekk yer legs fallin off yer bike"