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Stoopid jokes

Discussion in 'Other Chatter' started by nickliv, Dec 4, 2010.

  1. bearbait

    bearbait Full Member

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    What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

    A stick.

    ---

    Did you hear about the insomniac dyslexic agnostic?

    He lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.

    ---
     
  2. Lister

    Lister Settler

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    [​IMG]

    A well planned hammock session never lets this happen.......we just cook in the hammock.
     
  3. Goatboy

    Goatboy Full Member

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    Don't know if you've seen this? Made me laugh.

    [video=youtube;EuiPmrOYkKM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuiPmrOYkKM[/video]
     
  4. Harvestman

    Harvestman Bushcrafter through and through

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    Why don't owls go courting in the rain?






    Because it's too wet to woo.
     
  5. HHazeldean

    HHazeldean Native

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    Whats brown and runny?





    Usain Bolt
     
  6. HHazeldean

    HHazeldean Native

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    What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?




    Pull the pin out and throw it back
     
  7. Goatboy

    Goatboy Full Member

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    How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
     
  8. Robbi

    Robbi Full Member

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    i see the stationary shop has moved
     
  9. DavidJT

    DavidJT Full Member

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    What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?

    One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh1t.

    Old but good (I think!).
     
  10. Goatboy

    Goatboy Full Member

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    So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, that's aboriginal.
     
  11. The Cumbrian

    The Cumbrian Full Member

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    Why did the anarchist drink herbal tea?


    Because proper tea is theft.







    I'll get my coat.
     
  12. Goatboy

    Goatboy Full Member

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    I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
     
  13. Goatboy

    Goatboy Full Member

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    My precocious 14 year old nephew went into the local off-licence and asked for a bottle of gin and 20 Marlboro.

    "Are you wanting to get me into trouble?" asked the girl behind the counter.

    He replied, "No, no - just the booze and ciggies will do for now, but maybe later."
     
  14. santaman2000

    santaman2000 M.A.B (Mad About Bushcraft)

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  15. Goatboy

    Goatboy Full Member

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  16. santaman2000

    santaman2000 M.A.B (Mad About Bushcraft)

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  17. Goatboy

    Goatboy Full Member

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  18. Clouston98

    Clouston98 Woodsman & Beekeeper

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    Hope it hasn't been said.

    What do you do after you've eaten a dodgy curry?

    Call naan naan naan !
     
  19. Biker

    Biker Full Member

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    I did laugh at this one!



    The Sensuous (and Smart A$$) Wife


    "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"...the woman
    asked her husband.


    "No"...said her husband.

    She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her

    blouse...and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft,
    silky push-up bra...and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

    He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her ...and smiled approvingly.

    "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"... she then asked her
    husband?


    "Uh...no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his voice).

    She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively

    reached into her panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

    He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill... and started breathing a little

    quicker with anticipation.

    "Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"

    "No way" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more aroused... and
    excited).



    "Well go look in the garage!"...she said.
     
  20. santaman2000

    santaman2000 M.A.B (Mad About Bushcraft)

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    There were three brothers from New York who had a triple wedding:

    The first married a Valley girl from California. After their honeymoon he told her, "When I get home from work I expect the house to be cleaned, supper on the table, and for you to be dressed seductively." That night whenHe got home he didn't see any of the things he'd instructed her to do so he sat her down and had a long talk with her about her duties. The next day when he got home supper was ready and by the second day she'd also been able to clean the house. By the end of the week he came home and she had been able to completely accomplish all of his instructions.

    The second brother married a spoiled, rich girl from New Jersey and gave his wife similar instructions; but she was more stubborn. It took him over a week just to get her to clean the house and a month to learn how to even scramble eggs. But at the end of six months she'd also been able to accomplish all the instructions.

    The last brother married a Cajun girl from Louisiana. After the honeymoon he sat her down and told her, "When I get home from work I expect to see the house cleaned, supper on the table, and you dressed seductively." The first day he didn't see anything. The second day he still didn't see anything. But by the third day, the swelling in his left eye had gone down some and he could see just a little. Doctors say he should be out of the body cast in a few weeks.
     

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