Stoopid jokes

[oldtimer]

I asked the travel agent, "Can you telephone from an aeroplane?"
She said, "Yes. A 'phone is a small thing you talk into and an aeroplane is a big thing with wings you fly in."

 

[bearbait]

Did you hear about the Giant who threw up?

It's all over town...

 

[Woody girl]

I went on a safari, but it was a bit of a rip off... the rhino charged me twice.

 

[bearbait]

Why is the time of day when traffic moves slowest called Rush Hour?

 

[bearbait]

A 60-year-old millionaire has just married a 20-year-old model.

"You crafty old devil," says his friend. "How did you manage to get a lovely young wife like that?"

"Easy," replied the millionaire. "I told her I was 95."

 

[demented dale]

what did the roman say when a lion ate his wife? nothing, he was gladiator

 

[demented dale]

A photon books into a hotel. the receptionist asks "do you have any luggage?" The photon replies "No, i'm travelling light"

 

[bearbait]

Two men are walking down the street. One says to the other, "Oh dear! Look at that dead bird."

His friend looks up into the sky and says "Where?"

 

[Tantalus]

 

[Pattree]

Nope! Shan’t!

 

[demented dale]

View attachment 86685

it got me. i'm a bit thick sometimes. not bothered though x

 

[Tantalus]

it got me. i'm a bit thick sometimes. not bothered though x

I think all the others are still clicking on it Dale.

 

[bearbait]

I consider myself pranked!

 

[demented dale]

Why do anarchists drink herbal tea? because all proper tea is theft

 

[bearbait]

Physics tells us that light travels faster than sound.

Is that why some people appear bright until they speak?

 

[bearbait]

My wife and I made a conscious decision not to have children.

They're both taking it very badly...

 

[bearbait]

Why does the English word for Syllable have more than one?

 

[Keith_Beef]

Teacher in class, "for every word in the English language, you can find another word that means the same thing".
One boy is shaking his head.
"Oh, can you think of a word that doesn't follow that rule?"
"Yes, miss: synonym."

 

[bearbait]

My new girlfriend said that she was polyamorous.

She looked very puzzled when I bought her a Parrot as a present for our second date.

 

[Woody girl]

The man who penned the hokey cokey song has just died. They had a heck of a job getting him in the coffin. They put the left leg in......
I don't need to furnish the rest do I.