todays joke
- Thread starter sapper1
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Now settle down everyone.
Two ladies are playing golf and one hits a massive drive down the fairway..too late she realizes there is another golfer in the way..a man who immediately collapses.
The ladies rush to him to find him in agony,moaning,writhing on the grass with his hands clasped between his legs.:11doh:
Worried that she was the cause, the woman rolls him on his back, unbuckles his belt,pulls down his zip and slides her hand down his trousers and begins to massage him. Slowly the man stops moaning and begins to smile..the woman asks "There, does that make it better?" "Oooh! yes says the man...but my hand stills hurts where the ball hit it"..
..
Two ladies are playing golf and one hits a massive drive down the fairway..too late she realizes there is another golfer in the way..a man who immediately collapses.
The ladies rush to him to find him in agony,moaning,writhing on the grass with his hands clasped between his legs.:11doh:
Worried that she was the cause, the woman rolls him on his back, unbuckles his belt,pulls down his zip and slides her hand down his trousers and begins to massage him. Slowly the man stops moaning and begins to smile..the woman asks "There, does that make it better?" "Oooh! yes says the man...but my hand stills hurts where the ball hit it"..
..
How many ears has Spock got?
3, a left ear, a right ear and a final frontier.
Why did the mushroom always get invited to parties?
Because he was such a fun guy.
Why did the sheepdog fail his driving test?
because he couldn't make a ewe turn
What key do you need to open a banana?
A mon-key
What's yellow and smells of bananas?
Monkey sick
What's brown and has a hazelnut in every bite?
Squirrel poo
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
Hope you like 'em
3, a left ear, a right ear and a final frontier.
Why did the mushroom always get invited to parties?
Because he was such a fun guy.
Why did the sheepdog fail his driving test?
because he couldn't make a ewe turn
What key do you need to open a banana?
A mon-key
What's yellow and smells of bananas?
Monkey sick
What's brown and has a hazelnut in every bite?
Squirrel poo
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
Hope you like 'em
A white horse walks into a pub and orders a pint. The barman places the pint on the bar and say, "This pubs named after you."
The horse says, "What? Eric?"
The horse says, "What? Eric?"
Locked myself out of the car the other day.
A fella in combats came along and said ' I'll help mate! '
With that, he rubbed his bum on the car door and - hey presto, it opened!!!
Totally amazed, I asked 'whats your secret?'
With a wink he replied........................Khaki trousers.
A fella in combats came along and said ' I'll help mate! '
With that, he rubbed his bum on the car door and - hey presto, it opened!!!
Totally amazed, I asked 'whats your secret?'
With a wink he replied........................Khaki trousers.
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?""I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
To continue in a similar manner
Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says,
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Should I log off????
Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says,
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Should I log off????
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