Choice phrases...

[jiffi]

She has a face like a bulldog chewing custard!!!!!

 

[Man of Tanith]

If brains were gunpowder s/he couldn't blow their nose.

So ugly when s/he was born they slapped the mother....

 

[northumbrian]

she's got a face like a bulldog licking p*** off a nettle!

 

[northumbrian]

Yorkshiremen, like the Scots, just with all the kindness and generosity removed.

jocks like geordies but with their heids bashed in !

 

[northumbrian]

shes gotta butter face ? i would, but her face !

 

[Goatboy]

jocks like geordies but with their heids bashed in !

A Geordie giving a Jock a beating! They give nowt away for free!

 

[Goatboy]

( You know it's said that during the Scottish march south during the 1745 rebelion that they got to Newcastle and found that their shoes were wearing out. The young pretender wrote a letter asking for 10'000 brogues to be sent urgently. Unfortunately the letter arrived late and the handwritting was terrible and they sent 10'000 rogues instead. They stayed as you can see on a saturday night down the Toon!)

PS I like the Geordies, but a bit of banters fun.

 

[rickyamos]

If you were on minimum wage you would be over paid

 

[skate]

Happier than a buzzard in a gut truck. (Cajun Pawn Stars)
Two from an early M*A*S*H episode-
Well strap me to the side of a pig and roll me in the mud.
Well lash me to an ant hill and smother me in jam.
And one from Blazing Saddles-
Well raise my rent.

 

[Wayland]

It's never worth having a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

 

[Biker]

A friend of told me this phrase back in the late 70's and it is with some guilt feelings that I repeat it here. Seems he was at a night club when this girl had taken a fancy to him and kept pestering him. So he finally put her down with the remark:

"Listen love, I've cut the heads of better looking cod than you."

Maybe I'm thinking too much about it, but I can't help but wonder how shattered that poor girl's ego must have been hearing that. It's like the Atomic bomb of put downs. Hopefully she was too drunk to remember the next day though. Small graces if so.

 

[Whittler Kev]

Just heard a good one from the hairy bikers,

"that pastry looks tougher than a rhino with a flick knife"

I cracked up too when I heard him say it he he

As much use as a one legged man at an A*se kicking contest OR as much use as a chocolate fire guard

 

[Goatboy]

I cracked up too when I heard him say it he he

As much use as a one legged man at an A*se kicking contest OR as much use as a chocolate fire guard

Dave Myers comes away with some great lines in the programs, a master of the mixed simile.

 

[santaman2000]

One of my favorites from Louis L'amour: "She knew she carried a hard look."

 

[bearbait]

There's a time and a place for spontaneity.

 

[Goatboy]

"Let the laddie play wi the knife.
He'll learn."

 

[lucan]

A good one i recently heard.
" He's that tight, He squeaks when he walks.

 

[Macaroon]

Here's two of my old father's sayings:

Said of someone known for untruths..........You can't believe him when he whistles!

Said of a copper who looked abot 18 yrs. old:.............Yer ma's got sausages in the freezer older than him!

 

[treadlightly]

My father-in-law, who is approaching 90, is fond of this one:

"If I'd known I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself."

 

[nickliv]

That sounded like someone beating a flock of pigeons out of a gooseberry bush.

Usually said on leaving a convenience