Choice phrases...

[jimbo75]

A few from north london....
He's got champagne tastes, and lemonade money!
She goes over like a granny on ice!
(regarding ladies breasts) they were like Yule brinner and teli savalis wrestling in a sleeping bag!

 

[Biker]

Perhaps not quite on par with your quotes, but here goes:

Whilst sharing a chalet with another couple in Cornwall, my wife at the time shrieked out from the toilet that there was a spider in the there with her. My friend, as quick as a flash, shouted back "Then hit it with the trumpet you've got in there with you!"

I about died laughing, and yet it took my wife another 10 minutes to pluck up the courage to vacate the toilet she was so embarrassed.

 

[British Red]

My daughter was a contrary thing at aged 5

I yelled at her once

Don't ARGUE!!

She put her hands on tiny hips and yelled back

Don't arg ME

I was helpless with laughter

 

[Gray]

Its like trying to platt fog...
the lights on but theres no one in...
You've got as much chance of-that as you have Elvis Presley landing a UFO in your back garden....
as much use as boobs on a bull....
thick as pig poo...
got a bum like a hippos yawn...
she looks like elephant man on a bad day...
fell out the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down...
got a face like a robbers dog...
you should be in a field with a bell around neck...

 

[Gray]

Barmaid..."would you like ice in your drink sir?
Reply..."is it fresh"

 

[Gray]

Man in pub....."pint of bitter please"
barmaid...."would you like Whitbread"
man ...."no thanks, i'll have it without"

 

[Gray]

Barmaid..."would you like a tray sir?"
reply..."dont you think i've got enough to carry?"

 

[Biker]

While at work today I was reminded of a phrase my old workmate used to use a lot. He'd look at the clouds above the horizon and if there were dark and threatening rain he'd say: "It's dark over Wilf's mums." I thought it a rather nice little phase and I used it today with my workmate. Haven't used in over a decade.

Another work mate of mine used to describe and illnesses doing the rounds as Gormy Ruckles. He said it with such authority I assumed it was a true medical ailment. He was from Yorkshire so I should haven known he was winding up the soft southern jessies.

 

[Harvestman]

An illness-related in joke in our house is a to describe an illness as an infections of Bacillus gyrinus.

People ask what that is, and we tell them its a bug that's going round.


(I've posted this before, for those that are groaning at the repeat horror)

 

[torc]

An ex-gf. once described her perennially disgruntled spinster aunt as "having a face like a bottle of frozen p**s".
Happy trails...torc.

 

[boatman]

My Mother would say to us if we were grumpy and tiresome, "Oh you pig, you ought to have been a bear."