Stoopid jokes
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With apologies to John Landis for ripping him off for this one...
There was this aero plane over the Atlantic on its way to New York, and it was full of men from the United Nations. So halfway over the ocean the engines run low on petrol. So they have to lighten the plane. So they heave out all the baggage, but it's still too heavy. So they chuck out all the seats, but it's still too heavy. Finally, this Frenchman, he steps up, shouts 'Vive la France', and leaps out. Then an Englishman, he steps up, shouts 'God save the Queen', and he leaps out. But the plane is still too heavy. So the Yank delegate, from Texas, he steps up, shouts: 'Remember the Alamo', and chucks out the Mexican!
There was this aero plane over the Atlantic on its way to New York, and it was full of men from the United Nations. So halfway over the ocean the engines run low on petrol. So they have to lighten the plane. So they heave out all the baggage, but it's still too heavy. So they chuck out all the seats, but it's still too heavy. Finally, this Frenchman, he steps up, shouts 'Vive la France', and leaps out. Then an Englishman, he steps up, shouts 'God save the Queen', and he leaps out. But the plane is still too heavy. So the Yank delegate, from Texas, he steps up, shouts: 'Remember the Alamo', and chucks out the Mexican!
Might work, but you'd only do it the once. :yikes:
Surely his rolled up copy of The Sun in his back pocket will protect him?
Now I.really have seen it all
Now where did I leave my drill ???
Now where did I leave my drill ???
Might work, but you'd only do it the once. :yikes:
What has eight breasts and thirty two teeth? Night shift at Waffle House (or insert your favorite cheap all night breakfast joint in the UK)
Biker
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son," the father shark said, and they swam towards the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the **** out of them first!"
"Follow me, son," the father shark said, and they swam towards the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the **** out of them first!"
Biker
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Biker
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Biker
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
But you still chuckled at it
Oh yes, it's the law.
Speaking of which... Mods, if this image is too near the knuckle just delete it. I just thought it was bloody hilarious and wanted to share it.
Driving home tonight, I saw, by the roadside, the body of a baby ghost.
Thinking about it, it might have just been a hankie.
Thinking about it, it might have just been a hankie.
Biker
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Man in restaurant: May I have coffee without cream?
Waiter: We don't have any cream. You can have it without milk.
Waiter: We don't have any cream. You can have it without milk.
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