Stoopid jokes

[Biker]

Just heard Leonard Nimoy passed away today aged 83. Sad news.

But he left a lasting legacy, including this little gem that the over 50s here might remember with fondness. R.I.P. Mr Spock.

 

[Harvestman]

That's sad news. However, in the spirit of the thread...

"He's dead, Jim!"

 

[Biker]

That's sad news. However, in the spirit of the thread...

"He's dead, Jim!"

Nice one.

And I bet Madonna's glad she no longer the focus of social media attention now either.

 

[John Fenna]

While Mr Fenna is tuning his banjo, this Scotch person is tuning his pipes!

[video=youtube;amNF_F6oeRU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amNF_F6oeRU[/video]

(It's worth watching by the way, a really bonny lassie!)

That is cool!
I love the Pipes - although they call me "Welsh" my Mother was Scots and my Paternal Grandfather was in The Royal Scots...

 

[Harvestman]

I once had a crush on this pretty Dutch girl who had to wear inflatable shoes owing to arthritic metatarsals.

Eventually I rang her house to ask her out but her Dad said she'd popped her clogs.

 

[Goatboy]

I decided to sell my Hoover... well it was just collecting dust.

 

[bearbait]

Mummy, mummy! Can I lick the bowl?

No dear. Please flush it like everyone else.

 

[Native Nathan]

When making cakes, good mothers let the kids lick the beaters.
Great mothers turn the mixer off first.


Q) What's invisible and smell of banana's?
A) Monkeys Farts

Q) What's blue and smells of paint?
A) Blue Paint.

Q) Have you been to the restaurant on the moon?
A) The foods great, but not atmosphere...

 

[Insel Affen]

Latest Celebrity News:

George Michael has broken his leg in a nightclub. Witnesses say that he slipped on some chocolate.

Apparently it was a careless wispa on the dance floor.

 

[Goatboy]

I've named my new Samsung phone "The Titanic". So now when I plug it into the computer it says "The Titanic is syncing"!

 

[Insel Affen]

I've named my new Samsung phone "The Titanic". So now when I plug it into the computer it says "The Titanic is syncing"!

Ha ha!! Reminds me of this video www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR0lWICH3rY

(I hope it works as I'm doing it from a work computer which doesn't like You Tube).

 

[Filterhoose]

My pals a drummer in a pub rock group. He has played with them for years. Over the past few months his drumming has got progressively worse and he has developed problems with his timing. The rest of the band had a meeting to discuss his poor timing and decided to sack him. Totally devastated given the commitment he had shown over the years he threw himself behind a train.

 

[Insel Affen]

I had some sad news today too about a friend I have who works in a warehouse. He was killed this morning at work when a load of boxes of coffee fell on him.

He didn't suffer, it was instant.

 

[Macaroon]

My pals a drummer in a pub rock group. He has played with them for years. Over the past few months his drumming has got progressively worse and he has developed problems with his timing. The rest of the band had a meeting to discuss his poor timing and decided to sack him. Totally devastated given the commitment he had shown over the years he threw himself behind a train.

How can you tell when the drum riser is level?

When the drummer dribbles out of both sides of his mouth!

 

[Macaroon]

Why are all the drummer jokes so stoopid?

So the singer can understand them!

 

[bearbait]

Usual composition of a Rock Band?

Three musicians and a drummer.

 

[Adze]

Why are all the drummer jokes so stoopid?

So the singer can understand them!

I have a friend who is a drummer... so far I've explained this joke twice...

 

[bearbait]

I have a friend who is a drummer... so far I've explained this joke twice...

Sounds like he really wanted to play bass guitar.

 

[bearbait]

At a gig the drum solo is just so the audience, and the rest of the band, have time to go get another beer and have a pee.

 

[Adze]

Sounds like he really wanted to play bass guitar.

No... it was only twice I had to explain it