Stoopid jokes
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James and Sarah were good Christians and loved each other deeply.
On their wedding day a terrible accident occurred and they died standing on the steps of the alter before either of them had finished their vows.
Being good Christians they ascended to the Pearly Gates and there they saw St Peter waiting to greet them.
However the unhappy couple were ... unhappy... and asked St Peter if they could finish getting married before entering Heaven as they wanted to spend eternity as a married couple.
St Peter scratched his head and went off into heaven looking worried.
After 2 months St Peter returned to the patient couple, bringing with him a qualified priest of their chosen denomination and the couple were promptly married.
James and Sarah entered Heaven as a married couple.
Unfortunately things did not go well for them and after a while they realised that married life - even in Heaven - was not for them and they agreed that to enjoy Paradise they needed to get a divorce and go their separate ways.
Together they went to see St Peter and explained their situation and asked if they could get a divorce in Heaven.
St Peter groaned aloud and was obviously in some distress at this request.
James asked him what was upsetting him so much.
St Peter replied...
"You know how long it took to find a priest in Heaven - finding a lawyer is going to take forever!"
On their wedding day a terrible accident occurred and they died standing on the steps of the alter before either of them had finished their vows.
Being good Christians they ascended to the Pearly Gates and there they saw St Peter waiting to greet them.
However the unhappy couple were ... unhappy... and asked St Peter if they could finish getting married before entering Heaven as they wanted to spend eternity as a married couple.
St Peter scratched his head and went off into heaven looking worried.
After 2 months St Peter returned to the patient couple, bringing with him a qualified priest of their chosen denomination and the couple were promptly married.
James and Sarah entered Heaven as a married couple.
Unfortunately things did not go well for them and after a while they realised that married life - even in Heaven - was not for them and they agreed that to enjoy Paradise they needed to get a divorce and go their separate ways.
Together they went to see St Peter and explained their situation and asked if they could get a divorce in Heaven.
St Peter groaned aloud and was obviously in some distress at this request.
James asked him what was upsetting him so much.
St Peter replied...
"You know how long it took to find a priest in Heaven - finding a lawyer is going to take forever!"
A man enters a bar with a crocodile on a leash and a frying pan.
"Bar-tender, can I get a free beer if I put my Willy on the croc's teeth and hit it with the pan on the head?!"
'Sure, show us!'
The man lays his Willy on the crocodile's teeth and gives the croc a firm blow to the head... nothing happens. He puts everything back and enjoys his beer.
After having drunk 4 free beers he asks to the other people in the bar: "Someone want to earn a free drink and try it?"
One man in a leather pants steps forward and replies: "I do, but promise me to not hit me too hard with the frying pan please"
"Bar-tender, can I get a free beer if I put my Willy on the croc's teeth and hit it with the pan on the head?!"
'Sure, show us!'
The man lays his Willy on the crocodile's teeth and gives the croc a firm blow to the head... nothing happens. He puts everything back and enjoys his beer.
After having drunk 4 free beers he asks to the other people in the bar: "Someone want to earn a free drink and try it?"
One man in a leather pants steps forward and replies: "I do, but promise me to not hit me too hard with the frying pan please"
My wife and I were sitting down to dinner last night when the doorbell rang.
Slightly miffed I answered it only to find two women standing there.
They started asking me questions about the families eating habits, especially about bread. I explained to them that the kids were kinda fussy and
preferred the half n half variety or indeed plain white bread.
They started to wax lyrical about how bad white bread was for you and that we should consider switching to brown bread immediately, espousing the
merits of a brown loaf. Eventually I had enough and bade them a good night.
Returning to my dinner my wife asked me what that was all about. After relating the story of what had just happened she said
"that'll be the hovis witnesses"
Windy
Slightly miffed I answered it only to find two women standing there.
They started asking me questions about the families eating habits, especially about bread. I explained to them that the kids were kinda fussy and
preferred the half n half variety or indeed plain white bread.
They started to wax lyrical about how bad white bread was for you and that we should consider switching to brown bread immediately, espousing the
merits of a brown loaf. Eventually I had enough and bade them a good night.
Returning to my dinner my wife asked me what that was all about. After relating the story of what had just happened she said
"that'll be the hovis witnesses"
Windy
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