Where have all the men gone

John Fenna

Lifetime Member & Maker
Oct 7, 2006
23,304
3,088
67
Pembrokeshire
Firecrest - have YOU done this work?
If not do not say people who have and quit due to threats of personal violence have.
Put up or...?
If you do do this work - then well done and more strength to you.
I now put my effort into improving the lives as best I can of those who are willing to accept the help I offer - those with life threatening illness, personal development of young people who are willing to make an effort and not threaten those offering the help.
Come on one of the expeds I lead and I think you might find that it is not a "soft" option!
 

Toddy

Mod
Mod
Jan 21, 2005
39,133
4,810
S. Lanarkshire
No where in Firecrests post did I read that.

What is wrong with this thread ?
It's as though BR, ILB and JF are all 'looking' for offence when none has been offered :confused: :confused:

Can we get back to the topic please..........and that can be read as second warning.

Toddy
 

Toddy

Mod
Mod
Jan 21, 2005
39,133
4,810
S. Lanarkshire
Y'know, half the responses to this thread have been excuses.

"Not my responsibillity.
It's the feminists fault.
It's sissy men's fault.
It's the govt's fault.
It's the welfare state's fault.
It's the lazy/ inept. selfish parent's fault."

How about instead of shifting the blame and the, " why I don't get involved" 's around we maybe post something that would actually be helpful ?

I realise that this might be a truly revolutionary concept to some of you, but after all that litany of no-can-do, do you not think it might be a worthwhile idea ???

Toddy.....
 

Jedadiah

Native
Jan 29, 2007
1,349
1
Northern Doghouse
I'm really sorry everyone, i've slipped up a little there. What i wrote was supposed to be seen as tongue in cheek. I agree with the vast majority of what you have said since my postthis afternoon. I was merely trying to get my head around the fact that someone suggested chemical sterilisation (genocide) earlier in the thread. No one reacted to that as much as i thought they would, and now, i make what a flippant and probably regrettable comment and i seem to have been made a pariah!

I will pay more attention to my smilies in future, hope i am forgiven? :rolleyes:
 

leon-1

Full Member
Well I have thought long and hard on this thread, in many ways I agree with nearly all points of view which are relevant to the thread itself, however the point is that a question was asked and it is not really getting answered. Here are a few points that I have picked up from this thread.


There are groups out there that can give young males support and direction if they are willing to be shown, but they won't use that group if they are being taught by a woman.


From my own point of view I can see a couple of reasons for this, young guys don't like being told what to do at the best of times, they like it even less when they are told what to do by a female. At the same time it's easier for a young guy to relate to another male as there are things that he can say and do around a bloke that he wouldn't necessarily be able to do around a woman.


There are a lack of male instructors at support groups or at activity centers (for want of a better term).


There are a lot of laws out there that are very off putting for a guy, if you are dealing with youths and something goes wrong then you are likely for the high jump (this is not necessarily true, but it still runs through our minds). At the same time if one of the older youths becomes aggressive and you lamp them then the chances are that in todays society you are going to be the one in trouble with the law, even if it was self defence.


Males by their very nature are physical beings, they tend to respond to aggression with aggression, it comes down to fight or flight. Those that know better restrain urges to rip out throats and smash in faces, but the thought is most likely still there. As I said earlier this weighs heavily when we think of todays law.


The question was raised, “I have my own kids why should I take care of someone else's when they can't be bothered?”, it's a good question and just about any bloke who has family of their own will probably think it.


Those kids that are running riot mix with your kids on a day to day basis, I have seen a lot of people saying that “little Johnny could never do anything wrong”, when in reality they are little turds, but his respectable nice family don't get to see him when he's out with his mates, those same bad kids that are running riot that you don't want to deal with.


I agree that people should take responsibility for their own actions, infact it's one of the things I hate about British Society as a whole nowadays, but it cuts both ways. If we whinge about the law we need to look at who placed the government in power that wrote those laws, if we whinge about the lack of responsibility that kids display, then isn't that something that the adults are supposed to instill. It's not just us, it goes back a fair old time, but we are the ones that really need to do something about it because if we don't it will just get worse.


Now I have not exactly been an angel in my life, I was one of the worst kids you would ever want an encounter with, but Path Finder did mention that everyone deserves a chance, it has nothing to do with parentage or where you come from. Remember if a kid gets themselves into a program, you are not giving them a chance, they are infact taking a chance on you being able to help them at first.


I took my chances and was provided with many to work with by decent folk who had nothing to do with me and didn't really need to help, but they did.


Trust and respect are hard earned and easily lost.


Well done to both Geoffrey and JP for trying at least to sort out the mess:You_Rock_
 

John Fenna

Lifetime Member & Maker
Oct 7, 2006
23,304
3,088
67
Pembrokeshire
What can I do to help?
Take young people of both genders on expeditions designed to be challenging and (to use a rather overused phrase) character developing.
Do volontary work with people of all ages through the "church" and theatre I belong to.
Support charities I think help others in a useful way with what spare cash and time I can find.
Work with men with learning disability
These I do already....
In the past I have also worked with young men both with and without "challenging" behaviour - until I burned out from frustration at the lack of support from management, and from the stress of working in an environment where threats of violence were the norm.
I have also worked with adults with various mental health issues, physical disability issues etc.
If I was not out 4 nights a week already I would love to get back into Scouting and helping these young people with their development!
 

Jedadiah

Native
Jan 29, 2007
1,349
1
Northern Doghouse
I presume also that the criteria used to determine what constitutes "fitness" for parenthood would (funnily enough) be those that people like Jedadiah agree with...?

So we'd have a society of compliant, middle-class sheep content to run their lives as they're told by their Masters, while anyone who sits slightly outside of the norm is considered "undesirable" and is purged from society.

Sounds like hell on earth to me.

*shudders*

Mr Wallenstein, i take exception to your accusation that i am a compliant, middle class sheep. Further to my previous post, i was trying to raise awareness of reactionary, right wing attitudes bordering on Genocide. I bet you think 'Love Thy Neighbour' was rascist. So from one Volunteer Youth Worker and aspiring radical social worker to you, my learned friend, BBAAAAAAAAA!

Jed -
The problem with your idea of a license is that for the last several billion years life has been evolving contently and freely. With the introduction of the license, your basic freedom as a reproductive being on Earth is subjugated, and not merely subjugated, but put in the hands of some fat middle class white beaurocrat who also wants your finger prints on file and a chip on an ID card monitor your activity, and more fool you for playing into the hands of the nanny state. Any such legislation for a license will soon be chip chip chipped away at. These things start broad and end narrow. You're a single parent? No children for you! Disabled, dont be silly. live on a council estate? well your kids are statistically more likely to wind up criminals (because we sucked the funding out of the local school haha)...
What was that? you think bringing your children up with no electricity and living in natural shelters the WOODS is a good idea?! You teach them not to love money but experience nature?! No children for you my friend, we want to raise happy well rounded high earning consumers for this oligarchy, for that is the point of it all!

For the minority of you on here applauding each others hard line opinions on castration and other guised forms of eugenics. Its actually people like you that are the problem.
You see, These laws do not exist. saying what we aught to do is unproductive and useless.Sorry, No applaud from me for arm chair politics. If these laws are truly how you would like to see the country run, then what have you done to ensure they will be?
Have you campaigned for them?
Have you started a political group dealing with them?
Have you voted for a party that supports them?
Probably not. And this is where the problem lies. The british public is always all to happy to be shafted and do nothing about it. We always sit about proclaiming "If I ran the country.../ If we had a proper government/ if [somebody else] would sort this mess out..."
Nobody is going to do anything, so self applaud for armchair attitudes is useless. And seems as at the current times we dont have these laws and so far as I know, nobody on here actually IS running the country, then we can come right back round to the opening post - what are people personally going to do to help?[/QUOTE]

(Sigh) READ THE THREAD BEFORE YOU PONTIFICATE! AS much as i have been volunteering for a Youth Offending Team since 2003 i have also been a family mediator since 2001, a Youth Worker since 1995, a qualified counselling volunteer for two mental health charities and a fund raiser for Barnardo's and Ty Hafan Childrens hospice for Wales. I've just earned a Diploma in Social Welfare and i start my Social Work degree in September so how could i POSSIBLY have been serious about 'Parent Licencing'. Now then, what have YOU done for the benefit of the community and the young men therein? No, i don't really want to know, but i'd ask you to use a bit of reflection before caning me. All done? I am.:D
 

leon-1

Full Member
Right folks time to calm down please. I don't want things to get out of hand and we don't want to start having to card people.

I want to keep this thread open if possible. The worst comes to the worst I will close the thread leave anything meaningful in it and delete the rest before reposting it.
 

firecrest

Full Member
Mar 16, 2008
2,496
4
uk
Firecrest - have YOU done this work?
If not do not say people who have and quit due to threats of personal violence have.
Put up or...?
If you do do this work - then well done and more strength to you.
I now put my effort into improving the lives as best I can of those who are willing to accept the help I offer - those with life threatening illness, personal development of young people who are willing to make an effort and not threaten those offering the help.
Come on one of the expeds I lead and I think you might find that it is not a "soft" option!

I work with severely autistic adults. I didnt mean to imply you were soft john, I know youre not !, I mean the idea that men are declining from this line of work because they somehow have more pressure on them in these jobs than women is soft. I think in many ways its harder to be a woman. I was punched in the face on friday and I have no way of defending myself. The they guy that hit me wont hit the men because he is intimidated.
 

Elessar

Member
Dec 11, 2007
38
0
35
Essex
Hi,

I know I’m not involved in this conversation, but it is a subject that I take great interest in, so I just want to put my point in.....


I'm 19 years old and am an outdoor instructor at a outdoor centre in Essex, I have 6 years of Bushcraft experience after spending a week on my 13th birthday I was hooked, I did a year in basic training at the army foundation college Harrogate before unforeseen circumstances forced me to withdraw,

Anyway….. I currently run a “Bushcraft week” at the outdoor centre over the 6 weeks summer holidays for children (aged 9 – 19) of all types of backgrounds, (however the clients are normally from reasonably stable backgrounds).

I am all up for a laugh and am known for my cheer and comedy however I have quite a strict and disciplined nature about me and at one point during one of the weeks I was joined by a pair of lads who were well known about there area and by the long term instructing staff for being…..well…….. Little tear-aways…..

Well after the week course on the Friday they were waiting for there parents to collect them in the collection area, and one of the older members of staff approached me and asked “what have you done to those boys” at first my heart leapt into my mouth as I assumed that I had done something bad, but he explained that he had just been with the playing football and that they had not behaved in there usual aggressive and bullying behaviour, and that what ever I had done it had a hugely noticeable affect on there behaviour. This is probably the single proudest moment I have ever been in my working life, even though I had not done anything other than treat them with the respect that I wished them to return upon me and drew the line clearly before they had stepped over it

In no way am I trying to blow my own trumpet as I still feel I didn’t do anything unusual, but this thread made me realise that you are right maybe there should be more male role-models (if I can do it then anyone can do it there is defiantly nothing special about me!) that can treat youth fairly respectfully and at times with the discipline that is deserved

Sorry to but in…

Kind regards

J
 

firecrest

Full Member
Mar 16, 2008
2,496
4
uk
Mr Wallenstein, i take exception to your accusation that i am a compliant, middle class sheep. Further to my previous post, i was trying to raise awareness of reactionary, right wing attitudes bordering on Genocide. I bet you think 'Love Thy Neighbour' was rascist. So from one Volunteer Youth Worker and aspiring radical social worker to you, my learned friend, BBAAAAAAAAA!

Jed -
The problem with your idea of a license is that for the last several billion years life has been evolving contently and freely. With the introduction of the license, your basic freedom as a reproductive being on Earth is subjugated, and not merely subjugated, but put in the hands of some fat middle class white beaurocrat who also wants your finger prints on file and a chip on an ID card monitor your activity, and more fool you for playing into the hands of the nanny state. Any such legislation for a license will soon be chip chip chipped away at. These things start broad and end narrow. You're a single parent? No children for you! Disabled, dont be silly. live on a council estate? well your kids are statistically more likely to wind up criminals (because we sucked the funding out of the local school haha)...
What was that? you think bringing your children up with no electricity and living in natural shelters the WOODS is a good idea?! You teach them not to love money but experience nature?! No children for you my friend, we want to raise happy well rounded high earning consumers for this oligarchy, for that is the point of it all!

For the minority of you on here applauding each others hard line opinions on castration and other guised forms of eugenics. Its actually people like you that are the problem.
You see, These laws do not exist. saying what we aught to do is unproductive and useless.Sorry, No applaud from me for arm chair politics. If these laws are truly how you would like to see the country run, then what have you done to ensure they will be?
Have you campaigned for them?
Have you started a political group dealing with them?
Have you voted for a party that supports them?
Probably not. And this is where the problem lies. The british public is always all to happy to be shafted and do nothing about it. We always sit about proclaiming "If I ran the country.../ If we had a proper government/ if [somebody else] would sort this mess out..."
Nobody is going to do anything, so self applaud for armchair attitudes is useless. And seems as at the current times we dont have these laws and so far as I know, nobody on here actually IS running the country, then we can come right back round to the opening post - what are people personally going to do to help?[/QUOTE]

(Sigh) READ THE THREAD BEFORE YOU PONTIFICATE! AS much as i have been volunteering for a Youth Offending Team since 2003 i have also been a family mediator since 2001, a Youth Worker since 1995, a qualified counselling volunteer for two mental health charities and a fund raiser for Barnardo's and Ty Hafan Childrens hospice for Wales. I've just earned a Diploma in Social Welfare and i start my Social Work degree in September so how could i POSSIBLY have been serious about 'Parent Licencing'. Now then, what have YOU done for the benefit of the community and the young men therein? No, i don't really want to know, but i'd ask you to use a bit of reflection before caning me. All done? I am.:D

I was responding to your post on licensing parents. I understand now it was tongue in cheek so please don't assume Im attacking you personally,it was this view point I was attacking. (and lets face it, these people are out there who do nothing but sit in a pub wishing radical laws into existence) but your post did sound serious, its hard to convey intent over the internet.
And hey wouldnt you want to criticise anyone who believed in state controlled breeding?!
 

Big Geordie

Nomad
Jul 17, 2005
416
4
72
Bonny Scotland
What a fascinating debate. I can see and respect this argument from both sides, having been fairly convinced at one time or another that I was doing all I can. And maybe It was due to family and financial constraints at the time.

However life has a habit of happening to you just when you think everything is finally sorted out. In my case my son was murdered approx 3 years ago. I found that volunteering in conservation/ the red cross/ and then domestic violence was rewarding and helped.

When I started to work with Young Enterprise Scotland, I started visiting young offenders institutions and secure facilities. Intriguingly these people come out of jail eventually, and what do we want them to do? The stuff that got them into trouble or something else? I am amazed at how people value the training programmes we deliver, and I am regularly astonished at how the young people change for the better during our programmes. The results are good.. a substantial reduction in reoffending/ lads who can communicate without their fists/ and some who start legitimate businesses. Of course we all recognise that I wiil struggle with myself if my sons killer ever gets out of jail, but think of the possible lives I can influence for the better and remove the threat of crime from other families.

Firecrest said something really worthwhile " be the change you want to see in the world." Good work with your deliberatlons and forget about the potential for being called a perv. Save these kids and make your families lives a lot easier.

Look at Toddies slogan and imagine if you had no help or role model or were battered or sha***ed rotten as a little boy.:confused: :confused:
George
 

Big Geordie

Nomad
Jul 17, 2005
416
4
72
Bonny Scotland
What a fascinating debate. I can see and respect this argument from both sides, having been fairly convinced at one time or another that I was doing all I can. And maybe It was due to family and financial constraints at the time.

However life has a habit of happening to you just when you think everything is finally sorted out. In my case my son was murdered approx 3 years ago. I found that volunteering in conservation/ the red cross/ and then domestic violence was rewarding and helped.

When I started to work with Young Enterprise Scotland, I started visiting young offenders institutions and secure facilities. Intriguingly these people come out of jail eventually, and what do we want them to do? The stuff that got them into trouble or something else? I am amazed at how people value the training programmes we deliver, and I am regularly astonished at how the young people change for the better during our programmes. The results are good.. a substantial reduction in reoffending/ lads who can communicate without their fists/ and some who start legitimate businesses. Of course we all recognise that I wiil struggle with myself if my sons killer ever gets out of jail, but think of the possible lives I can influence for the better and remove the threat of crime from other families.

Firecrest said something really worthwhile " be the change you want to see in the world." Good work with your deliberatlons and forget about the potential for being called a perv. Save these kids and make your families lives a lot easier.

Look at Toddies slogan and imagine if you had no help or role model or were battered or sha***ed rotten as a little boy.:confused: :confused:
George
 

Wallenstein

Settler
Feb 14, 2008
753
1
46
Warwickshire, UK
Mr Wallenstein, i take exception to your accusation that i am a compliant, middle class sheep. Further to my previous post, i was trying to raise awareness of reactionary, right wing attitudes bordering on Genocide. I bet you think 'Love Thy Neighbour' was rascist. So from one Volunteer Youth Worker and aspiring radical social worker to you, my learned friend, BBAAAAAAAAA!
Easy tiger ;)

I thought your post was tongue-in-cheek, but it did represent certain views which seem to be more seriously held. Apologies if I impugned your revolutionary zeal, comrade (although I bet you're a bit more middle-class than you like to think... I know I am!) :)

Back to the topic... I've just come back from a v. rowdy Cub Scout meeting, and I would heartily recommend it as a way of inspiring lads to think differently about life. We had to give them a b*ollocking about their behaviour today, but that did them no harm at all. We're off on camp this weekend - archery, grass-sledging, open fires... yes, we're careful about Health and Safety, but it's never stopped us doing anything exciting.

Last week we had our AGM and we awarded the prize for "Outstanding Cub of the Year"... there was only one winner, and he was praised as an example to the others. So don't believe that we're all stifled by politically correct requirements that say "everyone's a winner"... if lads don't participate in activities they don't receive the merit badges (and they're told why in front of the others), we had a bunch of grazed knees and sore elbows this evening after a game of "Poison" (the barrel game, if anyone knows it) but they'll all be back next week for more.

The great thing about Scouting is that you have a whole support network behind you, with training and advice to help you help the kids.

Sure it's different in a nice middle-class area that I'm in, but you don't have to be a martyr and only spend time with young offenders... there are plenty of "normal" kids that still need their eyes opened to the natural world and the joys of messing about in the woods / rivers of the UK.

And I think "Love thy neighbour" is pretty much the whole of morality in three words - if only it were easier to live up to :)
 

Indoorsout

Settler
Apr 29, 2008
509
1
Brisbane, Australia
I can see what you are saying and I can quite simply put my hand up and say I'm doing nowt! Why is another matter. There are a few reasons. Or excuses. Whichever

First is that most of my time goes to caring for my family. With me there are 3 of us that have Aspergers or other autistic spectrum disorders.
Secondly I have tried coaching people in a former job and found that I just do not have the temperament for it - and especially the patience!
Third - I just don't like most people! I am quite antisocial and find being around too many people I don't know well very stressful - that is part of being an Aspie. It's something that can seem very strange to a neuro-typical but is quite common to us. If it wasn't for my very gregarious daughter who is the only one of us who likes being the centre of attention I'd happily live in the middle of nowhere with only the animals for company!
 

Jedadiah

Native
Jan 29, 2007
1,349
1
Northern Doghouse
Mr Wallenstein, yes, i am middle class, all the way from my broad Yorkshire Accent to the filthy overall's i wear to work every day. ;) Yes mate, sorry to get uppitty, i'm not argumentative by nature, i apologise if i came over all militant and i'm not going to try and excuse it as i think it's all been said.

Same for you Firecrest, i'm sorry if i punctured a hymen of common sense, it was not my intent to antagonise and infuriate. My apologies to you both and anyone else i rubbed up the wrong way. :eek:
 

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