what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs............. still no idea
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what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs............. still no idea
Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Wow Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said she had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, 'Do whatever you want.'
So . . . . here I am!"
Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Wow Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said she had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, 'Do whatever you want.'
So . . . . here I am!"
I'd just started duty on the ward and saw a new patient standing by his bed, gripping the bed rail, knuckles white and his eye bulging out. I asked the doctor what was wrong with the patient and he said he'd been admitted with a persistent, loud cough. "What have you given him to stop the cough" I asked
"Fifteen laxative tablets......he's too scared to cough now"
"Fifteen laxative tablets......he's too scared to cough now"
what do you call a deer with no eyes no legs and no genitals,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,still no ******* idea
Q What's grey and has a trunk?
A A mouse going on a cruise.
Q What's brown and has a trunk?
A A mouse coming back from a cruise.
Q What has two legs and flies?
A A pair of trousers.
(I knew 30 years experience in Primary Education would come in useful someday!)
A A mouse going on a cruise.
Q What's brown and has a trunk?
A A mouse coming back from a cruise.
Q What has two legs and flies?
A A pair of trousers.
(I knew 30 years experience in Primary Education would come in useful someday!)
A penguin walks into a bar and says the the landlord,
"Has my dad been in?"
The landlord replies,
"what does he look like?"
touched by nature
"Has my dad been in?"
The landlord replies,
"what does he look like?"
touched by nature
I went into a bookshop yesterday and said, ' I hope you don't have a book on reverse pyschology. '
Every day is ground hog day for me. I work in a factory making pork sausages.
At the Severn Bridge in my Lada, the attendant said, "£5.40." Not believing my luck, I said, "Sold."
Every day is ground hog day for me. I work in a factory making pork sausages.
At the Severn Bridge in my Lada, the attendant said, "£5.40." Not believing my luck, I said, "Sold."
What's black and white and black and white and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill
Why do elephants paint their feet yellow?
So they can hide upside-down in the butter
someone did the elephant in the fridge one, followed by the zebra one, so:
There was a big party on the Savvanah, eveyone came, apart from one animal, which one?
The zebra, it was still in the fridge
Knock knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
a mosquito just bit me!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Ana
Ana who?
an another one too!
How do elephants climb trees?
Sit on an acorn and wait til it grows
How do they get down again?
Sit on a leaf and wait for autumn.
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
A Doyethinkesaurus
What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug!
A penguin rolling down a hill
Why do elephants paint their feet yellow?
So they can hide upside-down in the butter
someone did the elephant in the fridge one, followed by the zebra one, so:
There was a big party on the Savvanah, eveyone came, apart from one animal, which one?
The zebra, it was still in the fridge
Knock knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
a mosquito just bit me!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Ana
Ana who?
an another one too!
How do elephants climb trees?
Sit on an acorn and wait til it grows
How do they get down again?
Sit on a leaf and wait for autumn.
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
A Doyethinkesaurus
What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug!
That made me chuckle!
A ham sandwich walks in to a bar, and the bar man says 'sorry mate, we dont serve food'
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