Just had a Tarka Massala from the local curry house. It's like a Tikka Massala only...
It's a little 'otter!
It's a little 'otter!
Stoopid jokes
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how do you get an elephant into a fridge?
open door, elephant in, close door.
how do you get an elephant into a freezer?
open fridge, elephant out, open freezer, elephant in , close freezer.
how do you get a zebra into a freezer?
open door elephant out, zebra in, close door.
open door, elephant in, close door.
how do you get an elephant into a freezer?
open fridge, elephant out, open freezer, elephant in , close freezer.
how do you get a zebra into a freezer?
open door elephant out, zebra in, close door.
what do you call a deaf reindeer?
anything you like it cant hear you
what do you call a blind deer?
no idea
what do you call a blind reindeer without legs?
still no idea
anything you like it cant hear you
what do you call a blind deer?
no idea
what do you call a blind reindeer without legs?
still no idea
whats green and invisible? .....this cabbage
if you say gullable REALLY REALLY SLOWLY it sounds like oranges :-D
if you say gullable REALLY REALLY SLOWLY it sounds like oranges :-D
A cowboy rides into town and hitches his horse outside the saloon. He walks round to the back, lifts the horse's tail and kisses it's a** and then walks into the saloon. The storekeeper opposite scratches his head in puzzlement.
Next day the same thing happens and this time the storekeeper has to ask.
"Hey partner. Why did you kiss yer horse's a**?"
"I got chapped lips" the cowboy replied.
"I never knew kissing a horse's a** cured chapped lips" says the storekeeper.
"It don't but it sure stops me licking 'em"
Next day the same thing happens and this time the storekeeper has to ask.
"Hey partner. Why did you kiss yer horse's a**?"
"I got chapped lips" the cowboy replied.
"I never knew kissing a horse's a** cured chapped lips" says the storekeeper.
"It don't but it sure stops me licking 'em"
A big hairy biker hits a small bird with his motorcycle whilst out on a ride. He stops and picks the bird up to find it's only unconscious so he takes it home and puts it in a small cage. An hour later the little bird awakens and sees the bars all around him. "Jeez" he says...."I must've killed that biker !!"
Three blondes out celebrating like they have won the lottery.
Someone asks whats the occasion
Seems they managed to complete a jigsaw between them in under a month.
They were sooo happy as it said 3-4 years on the box.
Someone asks whats the occasion
Seems they managed to complete a jigsaw between them in under a month.
They were sooo happy as it said 3-4 years on the box.
Two Gynaecologists from Africa are in a hospital corridor having a heated argument. One says " it's spelt Wooooommmmmbbbeeeeeee" WOOMBEE!!" The other says "No way man !! it's spelt WWWWOOOOOOOMMMBBBBBBBBB!!".... A sister hears them and walks over "Actually gentlemen" she says "It's WOMB" and walks away. The first chap turns to the other and says "You know ! I bet she's never even seen a water buffalo... Let alone heard one fart in the river !!"
2 sections of grey tarmac are at the bar having a drink when a green piece of tarmac bursts in and heads to the bar. One of the grey bits says to the other "What's his problem?". "Shhhhh" says the other..."don't mess with him...He's a Cyclepath !!"
Black and white horse walks into a pub and the landlord says "Hey we've got a whiskey named after you".... The horse says "What? Simon??"
I just tried this on the missus... the first two times she tried it were too fast, the third time she said gullible three times instead of just once... then the penny dropped. No brownie points for me today
Q: What's red and sits in the corner?
A: A naughty bus!
The wife bought me a sweater for Xmas..... Next year I've asked for a screamer or a moaner !!
I'll get me coat
I'll get me coat
A doctor says to his blonde female patient.."Congratulations, you're pregnant".
The blonde replies "Are you sure it's mine?"
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A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar man "Got any bread?"
The bar man replies "No, sorry we don't sell bread here".
The duck then asks "Got any bread?"
Again the bar man replies "No, we don't sell bread here".
"Oh" replies the duck, "in that case do you have any bread?"
The bar man replies angrily "Look we don't sell bread here! If you ask for bread again I am going to nail your beak to the bar!"
The duck replies "Do you have any nails?"
"No." replies the bar man.
"In that case" says the duck "do you have any bread?"
The blonde replies "Are you sure it's mine?"
---------------- ------------------- ----------------------
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar man "Got any bread?"
The bar man replies "No, sorry we don't sell bread here".
The duck then asks "Got any bread?"
Again the bar man replies "No, we don't sell bread here".
"Oh" replies the duck, "in that case do you have any bread?"
The bar man replies angrily "Look we don't sell bread here! If you ask for bread again I am going to nail your beak to the bar!"
The duck replies "Do you have any nails?"
"No." replies the bar man.
"In that case" says the duck "do you have any bread?"
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"took my wife on holiday, to the Caribbean last year"
"Jamaica?"
"No No, she came of her own accord"
"Jamaica?"
"No No, she came of her own accord"
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