Scottish Midges, Those B£$!£&DS!

[Sleepy Weasel]

Hi All

Just come back from The RBS Caledonian Challenge where I was working as a medic at one of the checkpoints and I feel the need to have a rant at midges.

DAMN THINGS, Damn them all to hell and back, If I wasn't so good natured I would personally hunt down each and every one of those little sods and pull their wings off, then their legs, then perform unneccesary surgery on them with a blunt spoon and no anasthetic, and I would laugh while doing so, in full view of their friends, who would be caged up, unable to escape whilst being taunted by badgers. AND THEN I would take all the little bits and boil them, boil them all up into one great big pan of midgie stew, and purposefully burn it, out of spite. AND THEN I would take the burnt bits and lay them all out on a big parade square and dance gleefully on them wearing big boots and singing 'I Should Be So Lucky' by Kylie Minogue at the top of my voice. AND THEN I would take the dust and compress it into one big lump, and subject it to a lot of heat, probably with lasers or something, untill I get a rather fetching glass pebble type of thing AND THEN I would fire it into the nearest sun.


Rant over, for now

BTW That Nordic Summer stuff seems to work, repell midges AND gets funny comments down the pub. A lot of people swear by that 'Skin So Soft' stuff from Avon, that seemed to work too, but you don't get comments about the smell down the pub. Whereas I just swear at midges, a lot.

Bloody midges.......

 

[Nagual]

lol thank you, that made me giggle..

 

[korvin karbon]

Group hug for Sleepy Weasel

 

[hiho]

gave me a good laugh

 

[jimford]

DAMN THINGS, Damn them all to hell and back, If I wasn't so good natured I would personally hunt down each and every one of those little sods and pull their wings off, then their legs, then perform unneccesary surgery on them with a blunt spoon and no anasthetic, and I would laugh while doing so, in full view of their friends, who would be caged up, unable to escape whilst being taunted by badgers. AND THEN I would take all the little bits and boil them, boil them all up into one great big pan of midgie stew, and purposefully burn it, out of spite. AND THEN I would take the burnt bits and lay them all out on a big parade square and dance gleefully on them wearing big boots and singing 'I Should Be So Lucky' by Kylie Minogue at the top of my voice. AND THEN I would take the dust and compress it into one big lump, and subject it to a lot of heat, probably with lasers or something, untill I get a rather fetching glass pebble type of thing AND THEN I would fire it into the nearest sun.

.... and then I'd do it all over again, until they'd had enough!

Jim

 

[stuart f]

Yeah Midges,i just got back from working in Mallaig at the weekend and they were pretty bad,i did feel sorry for one guy who came and bought repellent from us,he must of had about seventy bites on each fore arm, the poor soul wasn't having much luck as he had just bought a new Vango tent for his vication and managed to snap two of the poles that came with it.
He did ask whats the best cure for Midges? my reply was stay in the pub and don't step outside until it was time to head back south over the border

Cheers Stuart.

 

[woodstock]

Hi All

Just come back from The RBS Caledonian Challenge where I was working as a medic at one of the checkpoints and I feel the need to have a rant at midges.

DAMN THINGS, Damn them all to hell and back, If I wasn't so good natured I would personally hunt down each and every one of those little sods and pull their wings off, then their legs, then perform unneccesary surgery on them with a blunt spoon and no anasthetic, and I would laugh while doing so, in full view of their friends, who would be caged up, unable to escape whilst being taunted by badgers. AND THEN I would take all the little bits and boil them, boil them all up into one great big pan of midgie stew, and purposefully burn it, out of spite. AND THEN I would take the burnt bits and lay them all out on a big parade square and dance gleefully on them wearing big boots and singing 'I Should Be So Lucky' by Kylie Minogue at the top of my voice. AND THEN I would take the dust and compress it into one big lump, and subject it to a lot of heat, probably with lasers or something, untill I get a rather fetching glass pebble type of thing AND THEN I would fire it into the nearest sun.


That just about sums up what we would all love to do to these devils creatures when i lived in Scotland I even thought about napalming the little Bar-stewards

 

[alpha_centaur]

Hi All

Just come back from The RBS Caledonian Challenge where I was working as a medic at one of the checkpoints and I feel the need to have a rant at midges.

DAMN THINGS, Damn them all to hell and back, If I wasn't so good natured I would personally hunt down each and every one of those little sods and pull their wings off, then their legs, then perform unneccesary surgery on them with a blunt spoon and no anasthetic, and I would laugh while doing so, in full view of their friends, who would be caged up, unable to escape whilst being taunted by badgers. AND THEN I would take all the little bits and boil them, boil them all up into one great big pan of midgie stew, and purposefully burn it, out of spite. AND THEN I would take the burnt bits and lay them all out on a big parade square and dance gleefully on them wearing big boots and singing 'I Should Be So Lucky' by Kylie Minogue at the top of my voice. AND THEN I would take the dust and compress it into one big lump, and subject it to a lot of heat, probably with lasers or something, untill I get a rather fetching glass pebble type of thing AND THEN I would fire it into the nearest sun.


Rant over, for now

BTW That Nordic Summer stuff seems to work, repell midges AND gets funny comments down the pub. A lot of people swear by that 'Skin So Soft' stuff from Avon, that seemed to work too, but you don't get comments about the smell down the pub. Whereas I just swear at midges, a lot.

Bloody midges.......

Do you not think the singing might be a bit overkill. Surely even midgies don't deserve that?

 

[Shewie]

I've found a can of deoderant and a lighter brings short but satisfying relief

 

[British Red]

Cure for Scottish Midges.

Move in Southerly direction. Repeat as necessary,

Red

 

[East Coaster]

Got a spare £872?

And a stong back!

Your problems are over

http://www.midge-terminator.co.uk/Default.asp?Page=70


Wonder when they'll get round to a portable version :thinkerg:

 

[Shewie]

Got a spare £872?

And a stong back!

Your problems are over

http://www.midge-terminator.co.uk/Default.asp?Page=70


Wonder when they'll get round to a portable version :thinkerg:

Do you think if the government installed one on every car roof in Scotland, we could wipe out their entire species in one summer ?

 

[East Coaster]

Do you think if the government installed one on every car roof in Scotland, we could wipe out their entire species in one summer ?

He he, gotta be worth a try ehh?

Would be the best investment ever made.

Anyone know a good lobbying group?

 

[Barney]

Having just returned from a three day excursion in the Snowdonia National Park, I would like to bet that the Welsh midges would give those pesky Scottish midges a run for their money in the damnation stakes, I spoke to one chap who relayed to me the information that he was on his second mossi headnet, as the little blighters had eaten their way through the first one. I was totally ill prepared for the onslaught, scratching has been a way of life since my return.

 

[ArkAngel]

This is why i holiday in Scotland in Spetember

 

[falling rain]

Hi All

Just come back from The RBS Caledonian Challenge where I was working as a medic at one of the checkpoints and I feel the need to have a rant at midges.

DAMN THINGS, Damn them all to hell and back, If I wasn't so good natured I would personally hunt down each and every one of those little sods and pull their wings off, then their legs, then perform unneccesary surgery on them with a blunt spoon and no anasthetic, and I would laugh while doing so, in full view of their friends, who would be caged up, unable to escape whilst being taunted by badgers. AND THEN I would take all the little bits and boil them, boil them all up into one great big pan of midgie stew, and purposefully burn it, out of spite. AND THEN I would take the burnt bits and lay them all out on a big parade square and dance gleefully on them wearing big boots and singing 'I Should Be So Lucky' by Kylie Minogue at the top of my voice. AND THEN I would take the dust and compress it into one big lump, and subject it to a lot of heat, probably with lasers or something, untill I get a rather fetching glass pebble type of thing AND THEN I would fire it into the nearest sun.


Rant over, for now

BTW That Nordic Summer stuff seems to work, repell midges AND gets funny comments down the pub. A lot of people swear by that 'Skin So Soft' stuff from Avon, that seemed to work too, but you don't get comments about the smell down the pub. Whereas I just swear at midges, a lot.

Bloody midges.......

So you're not a fan then?

Nice one sleepy. That really made me laugh :You_Rock_

I really hope I don't come back in the next life as a midge and come acoss you mate :yikes:

 

[scrogger]

Kylie Minogue!!! poor midges!!

dont think I have ever seen anyone so vexed with the little horrors!!

 

[tobes01]

Hi All

DAMN THINGS, Damn them all to hell and back, If I wasn't so good natured I would personally hunt down each and every one of those little sods and pull their wings off, then their legs, then perform unneccesary surgery on them with a blunt spoon and no anasthetic, and I would laugh while doing so, in full view of their friends, who would be caged up, unable to escape whilst being taunted by badgers. AND THEN I would take all the little bits and boil them, boil them all up into one great big pan of midgie stew, and purposefully burn it, out of spite. AND THEN I would take the burnt bits and lay them all out on a big parade square and dance gleefully on them wearing big boots and singing 'I Should Be So Lucky' by Kylie Minogue at the top of my voice. AND THEN I would take the dust and compress it into one big lump, and subject it to a lot of heat, probably with lasers or something, untill I get a rather fetching glass pebble type of thing AND THEN I would fire it into the nearest sun.

Ah, but remember that this is Gordon's Britain, so legally you would have to dispatch each midge humanely and, most importantly, NOT in view of the other midges, lest you inflict unnecessary psychological suffering on the others.

One way round this would be to use a 12-bore, since whilst strictly speaking hitting one midgey with the first barrel in view of the second midgey that you're about to shoot is a grey area and the law turns a blind eye to it. And blasting midges with a 12-bore would be good fun, although from what I hear you may need something more like a gatling gun to deal with the average Scottish beasty...

 

[Tengu]

I didnt get bitten too much (the operative word is `too`)

I guess they are scared of me.

 

[Melonfish]

what about a large grease bomb? those kinds they use for film explosions? lots of petrol on an explosive package? basically a really big "WHOOMPH" when it goes off.
should fry the blighters.

unfortunatly you'll prolly set fire to everything in the area and burn down some nice woodland.
but stopping the midges is that important!