Scottish Midges, Those B£$!£&DS!

[gregorach]

They're attracted by CO2, over surprisingly long distances, so while that might get rid of the local population, it will draw more in from miles around.

You kill one and the whole family comes to the funeral.

 

[oetzi]

I really really do understand your feelings!
If I were to travel to scotland again, like I did when I was young, I would only do it with lots of chemical weapons and one of these:
http://www.midgie.net/
But see the positive side. without the midges there would lots more bloody tourists up there

 

[jimford]

what about a large grease bomb? those kinds they use for film explosions? lots of petrol on an explosive package? basically a really big "WHOOMPH" when it goes off.
should fry the blighters.

Better still:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MOAB

or even:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father_of_All_Bombs

There might be a touch of collateral damage - but hey, you can't make an omelette etc.!

Jim

 

[gregorach]

I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

 

[Nagual]

Well, a small shop in Dunoon buys dead midges.. so there ya go, get yourself a Midge Eater machine ( also cunningly sold / rented by them ) and make your fortune on the bounty of dead midges, and doing the country a favour at the same time...

 

[listenclear]

Thank you.
Thats the best thing i've read in ages.

 

[Soloman]

Why do you think the jacobites got all the way to Derby in 1745.
Nothing to do with the restoration of the Stewart line,1745 was a bad midge year so they headed south fast.
Soloman.

 

[Yacobian]

last time i went to northern scotland i remember drinking a bit too much, then trying to set up a tent in a field after failing to find some decent woodland on the first night.....i drunkenly used so much mozzer spray i started to get dizzy

Wont be doing that again in the hurry....drunkly leaning against a tree, being bitten to death and as dizzy as it comes, because i tried to use spray to stop myself getting bitten....Think next time i might just laminate myself

 

[Sleepy Weasel]

Just an update, I was in Hebden Bridge last weekend AND THEY'RE JUST AS BAD THERE!!!

I guess the clue should have been in the name of the place, Midgehole, Now, where did I put my boots and the lasers?

Hmmmm, a 12bore gatling........... Just the thought of it is curiously arousing.................

 

[lostagain]

I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

One of the little buggers is bound to sneak aboard your spaceship before you take off then the only option left is to flush it out of the airlock, but don't kill it otherwise you wouldn't have the option of a sequel..

:BlueTeamE :BlueTeamE :BlueTeamE :BlueTeamE
Sleepy Weasel, nice story and I agree completely although singing Kylie songs is a bit much, isn't this a family forum? Shame on you.

 

[Barney Garcia]

Well done that man!

 

[Mistwalker]

Hi All

Just come back from The RBS Caledonian Challenge where I was working as a medic at one of the checkpoints and I feel the need to have a rant at midges.

DAMN THINGS, Damn them all to hell and back, If I wasn't so good natured I would personally hunt down each and every one of those little sods and pull their wings off, then their legs, then perform unneccesary surgery on them with a blunt spoon and no anasthetic, and I would laugh while doing so, in full view of their friends, who would be caged up, unable to escape whilst being taunted by badgers. AND THEN I would take all the little bits and boil them, boil them all up into one great big pan of midgie stew, and purposefully burn it, out of spite. AND THEN I would take the burnt bits and lay them all out on a big parade square and dance gleefully on them wearing big boots and singing 'I Should Be So Lucky' by Kylie Minogue at the top of my voice. AND THEN I would take the dust and compress it into one big lump, and subject it to a lot of heat, probably with lasers or something, untill I get a rather fetching glass pebble type of thing AND THEN I would fire it into the nearest sun.


Rant over, for now

BTW That Nordic Summer stuff seems to work, repell midges AND gets funny comments down the pub. A lot of people swear by that 'Skin So Soft' stuff from Avon, that seemed to work too, but you don't get comments about the smell down the pub. Whereas I just swear at midges, a lot.

Bloody midges.......

Thanks, I really needed this laugh. I know the feeling well but with the mosquitoes of the back end of Tampa Bay at low tide...horrible I tell you.

 

[Goatboy]

...Ah, but remember that this is Gordon's Britain...

One way round this would be to use a 12-bore, since whilst strictly speaking hitting one midgey with the first barrel in view of the second midgey that you're about to shoot is a grey area and the law turns a blind eye to it.

You know I'm Scottish through and through, but I'm with Jeremy Clarkson, He is a "...one eyed scottish git..."

TTFN
GB

 

[Moff8]

Import a million of those small, really quick birds you see all around the spanish islands. Keep em hungry for a few days and then let em loose on the midgies.

 

[Blades]

I was taking a photo at night on the edge of Loch Earn, turned my torch on to look at the camera and was nearly knocked over with a wave of the little barstewards as each one woke up and flew towards me at a rate of knots. I would scurry off a bit further up the road in the dark until I needed to see the camera again when they would see that I had relocated and then scampered towards me yet again.

 

[belzeebob23]

I must say being one of the lucky peeps who dosn't seem to be borthered to much by the dreaded midge (could be the use of wagon loads of avon) I thought I'd give the don't bite me a try the last time i was out.Can't really give a answer to how good it is as I didn't see a midge all week end , but i can say the ticks where out and some peeps did get bit by them but not me.
So resevering judgement until next time.
But I do like the idear of taking a 12 bore to them or is that just me wanting to play with guns lol
bob