Beer Monster ........ I'm sure you all know the story.
You wake up the morning after the night before ......... your head is throbbing and for some reason you ache all over. You have a funny taste in your mouth and your tongue feels like Ghandis flip flop
. You roll over and fumble in your pockets (you are of course still fully dressed) for your wallet. Upon opening it you discover that the £30/£40/£50 * (*delete as applicable) that you took out of the cashline the night before has mysteriously disappeared
and for some reason you can't really remember getting home last night. You try to reason with your self that you can't have spent
all your hard earned cash on the "couple" of quiet ales you drank with your mates the night before!!!! And thats when it dawns on you ..
... it can only be the Beer Monster ..............
........... As you strode purposefully out of the pub feeling refreshed and invigorated after the 2 pints you promised ........ the Beer Monster pounced. He beats you up (repeatedly banging you on the head ...... hence the headache and amnesia), stole all the money from your wallet, more often than not sends bizarre text messages to your friends from
your phone and then to add insult to injury as a parting gesture he .... um .... how can I say this on a family forum ....... "answered the call of nature" ..... you know number 2'd in your mouth hence the taste
! In a feat of near super-human strength and endurance you some how managed to crawl home, past a kebab shop (someone must have dropped one outside hence stains down your front
), before finally collapsing on your sofa!
Suddenly it all makes sense!
Well I'm the Beer Monster ......... my apologies for any encounters we've had before. Why do I do it? Well I have a confession to make ......... I'm addicted to buying bushcrafting kit and it's taken over my life. I have piles and piles of nice shiny new gear at home but can't stop myself from buying more! It's an expensive business and I just have to get the cash! I've tried to go legit and get regular job but when you're a 7ft hairy blue monster it's quite hard.
I try to steer clear of the BCUK Moots but I'll warn you know that I might make an appearance at the next wilderness gathering! Watch out!