Truely awful jokes....

[Squidders]

My dog has no nose....
How does it smell?
Awful.

A horse walks into a bar and the barkeep says "Why the long face?"

Two man eating lions are walking through Tescos and one turns to the other and says "Quiet in here isn't it."

 

[Tantalus]

lol here we go again .............

If your nose runs and your feet smell are you built upside down??

Tant

 

[TheViking]

So you want jokes? Fine by me, but maybe not with the girls, when they hear this one.? ):
It's only meant as a joke and only kidding!
It may be a little roughly translated cause the original was in danish.

INSTRUCTIONS IN USING A CREDITCARD:
For men:
1. Drive to the machine.
2. Roll down the window.
3. Insert card and dial PIN number.
4. Grab the card, money and receipt.
5. Roll up the window.
6. Drive.

For woman:
1. Drive to the machine.
2. Back the car as much as you have too, to get the window close to the machine.
3. Start the engine again.
4. Roll down the window.
5. Find your purse and empty it on the backseat to find the creditcard.
6. Find your makeup and check the makeup in the rear-viwe mirror.
7. Try to put the card in the machine.
8. Open the car-door to reach.
9. Insert the card.
10. Turn the card right.
11. Find your diary in your purse and read the PIN-code on the back of it.
12. Enter the code.
13. Enter: Delete and enter the correct code.
14. Enter amount of money.
15. Check your makeup again in the mirror.
16. Remove the purse from the starter.
17. Start the car again.
18. Grab money and receipt.
19. Empty your bag again to find the purse and put your money and receipt in it.
20. Check your makeup again.
21. Drive 6 feet forward.
22. Back to the machine.
23. Grab the card.
24. Empty your purse, find the card holder and insert the card in the card holder.
25. Check your makeup.
26. Start the engine again and drive away.
27. Drive a few kilometres.
28. Let go off the handbrake.

:rolmao: :rolmao: :rolmao: Damn I laughed when I told it the first time. :biggthump :biggthump

No offense at all ladies.

 

[Kim]

None taken,

I consider bushcraft women to be far superior to the average female.

 

[Kath]

I consider bushcraft women to be far superior to the average female.

You said it!

 

[Tantalus]

I consider bushcraft women to be far superior to the average female

absolutely

now all i need to do is practice my tracking skills , then maybe i can find out where all the bushcraft women are camped out

hanging round the cashline machine is only getting me wierd looks anyway

Tant

 

[Paganwolf]

ill have to agree im not argueing with them im to scared!! :yikes: :yikes:

 

[Shamisen]

Ha ha cool keep em coming I like a good joke :rolmao:
Maybe we can send up some jokes for the men ha ha

 

[tomtom]

Man walks in to a pub with a naked woman on his back..
barman stares at him... and asks "whats that???? :yikes:
Man reply "thats me-shell"

 

[TheViking]

None taken,

I consider bushcraft women to be far superior to the average female.

I'm definately with you there!

 

[TheViking]

Is it allowed to post a very naughty joke? :roll:

 

[Kim]

Squidders, with all this talk on other threads about going off topic, I seem to have accidentally taken yours way off !

Sorry about that!!

Someone tell a really bad joke, quick.

): ):

 

[tomtom]

Two bushcrafters walking down a.. umm.. woodland path, and one comes across a mirror, picks it up and says
"Theres a picture of a person here.. i recognise the face but cant out a name to it" the second takes the mirror brakes out in fits of laughter :rolmao:
"you idiot" he said "its me..."

bad enough for you?

 

[Kim]

:biggthump

Superb!

 

[Squidders]

tomtom at least the jokes can only get better :You_Rock_

 

[Squidders]

A little boy ask his mum how old she was and she said women don't tell their age, then he ask how much she weighed and she said we don't tell that either, so then the little boy ask her why her and his daddy got a divorce and she said that she couldn’t tell him.

A few days later the boy was looking at is mums drivers license and told his mom " I know how old you are" and she said "how old" he said 26 then he said I know how much you weigh and she said how much and he said 130. Then the little boy said I know why you and daddy got a divorce and she said why.

The boy said because you got a "F'" in sex

 

[Kim]

Squidders, is the reason you started this thread because everyone you know has band you from telling anymore jokes?

): ): ):

 

[TheViking]

A little boy ask his mum how old she was and she said women don't tell their age, then he ask how much she weighed and she said we don't tell that either, so then the little boy ask her why her and his daddy got a divorce and she said that she couldn’t tell him.

A few days later the boy was looking at is mums drivers license and told his mom " I know how old you are" and she said "how old" he said 26 then he said I know how much you weigh and she said how much and he said 130. Then the little boy said I know why you and daddy got a divorce and she said why.

The boy said because you got a "F'" in sex

:rolmao: :rolmao: :rolmao:

 

[Kim]

Close your eyes young viking!

 

[Tantalus]

Squidders, with all this talk on other threads about going off topic, I seem to have accidentally taken yours way off !

Oh no , here was me rolling about the floor laughing and all the time you were being serious????



ok ok i will stop, promise

Tant