Stoopid jokes

[Jack Bounder]

What goes peck, peck, bang? A chicken in a mine field.

 

[Jack Bounder]

What's a caterpillar after it's 4 days old? 5 days old.

 

[Jack Bounder]

How do you get an elephant in a match box? Take out the matches.

 

[Jack Bounder]

How do you get a rhino in a match box? Take out the elephant.

 

[Harvestman]

Is the writing on the wall for graffiti?

 

[Filterhoose]

Two aerials met on a roof and decided to get married. The wedding was rubbish but the reception was awesome.

 

[Harvestman]

All that glitters needs cleaning.

 

[Goatboy]

I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.'
He said 'To camp?',
I said [butchly] 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.'
I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.'
He said 'Camper?'
I said [campily] 'Make your mind up.'

 

[Biker]

Might work, but you'd only do it the once. :yikes:

 

[oldtimer]

Until now I hadn't realised that a builder's crack wasn't natural. Thanks to your photo I now know it comes as part of the apprenticeship.

 

[Harvestman]

Might work, but you'd only do it the once. :yikes:

Hand out the Darwin award now

 

[Macaroon]

Perhaps the fella with the saw has just bought a bigger bike

 

[Insel Affen]

What did the Mexican fireman call his two sons?

Jose and Hose'B'

 

[Insel Affen]

An octopus has just been arrested for trying to rob a bank.

No one got hurt, despite it being heavily armed.

 

[bearbait]

Might work, but you'd only do it the once. :yikes:

That's actually a bit iffy from the Health and Safety perspective for the guy in blue: he's not wearing his hearing protection.

 

[Insel Affen]

Driving down the road the other day, I saw an RAC van parked at the side of the road. The man inside was crying his heart out.

I thought, that bloke's heading for a breakdown.

 

[rorymax]

Driving down the road the other day, I saw an RAC van parked at the side of the road. The man inside was crying his heart out.

I thought, that bloke's heading for a breakdown.

That one is funny

 

[Insel Affen]

Can't believe it...got home tonight and there is a massive hole in the road!

Apparently the council are looking into it.

 

[stonehippo]

The WC at the local police station has been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

 

[wandering1]

Ok so I like this one

So there are three guys an elderly priest a young hiker and an Asian guy all on a plane...the planes run out of fuel the pilots have jumped and the planes in a nosedive
So these three are trying to decide which two should get the last two chutes and jump.. the Asian guy spouts up "well I'm really smart I've just finished a degree and have so much to offer society" so he grabs a pack and jumps...leaving the elderly priest and the hiker... The priest trims to the hiker and says go on young man Ive had a good long.life and I'm ready to meet god....so please you take the last chute and enjoy life
Mean while the hiker is smiling....the priest is getting irate and asks him "what's so funny". The hiker replies "that idiot just jumped out with my rucksack