Secret Bushcrafter's Ball

[Miyagi]

Inspired by a comment made by MickG on the "when was the last time you had a wash" thread, with a passing nod to The Secret Policeman's Ball, I give you MickG's reply;

"Hot water bottles? What were those?
We had the plates out of the oven by the fire wrapped in news paper and a towel, thick army blankets and bed socks."

So, When I were a lad/lassie...

 

[Matt.S]

[accent="yorkshire"]We'd get up 'alf hour before went to bed, ate a lump o' cold poison...[/accent]

Sorry someone had to do it. I'll get my smock.

 

[Miyagi]

[accent="yorkshire"]We'd get up 'alf hour before went to bed, ate a lump o' cold poison...[/accent]

Sorry someone had to do it. I'll get my smock.

Aye, that's exactly the idea Matt, with a bushcrafting slant where we can.

 

[Biker]

I once was so cold I hung re-hung my hammock over a roaring fire. Yooz try and tell the young bushcrafters that today and they won't believe you, nope!

One weekend Six of us set off for a camp, but we lost our food fording the stream. Only four of us returned. I'll miss Bob and Paddy, good mates they were. Tasty too.


You mean like that? Or actual things you've resorted to doing?

 

[Miyagi]

Aye Biker that's more like it.

Hammock - you were lucky.

We were so poor, we ate the bananas and used the skins as sleeping bags.

You try and tell the youngsters that today and they won't beleive you.

Liam

 

[Toadflax]

When I were a lad, it were so cold that t' flames on t' fire froze, and we 'ad ter light another fire to melt 'em before we could boil watter for us tea.

An' we were so poor, we could na' afford a sharpenin' kit, so we 'ad ter strop our knife on our own tongue.

An' we didna' 'ave an axe, so we 'ad to cut wood with sarcasm.

And...we didna' 'ave an 'ammock, so we 'ad to tie ourselves up between a pair o' trees, usin' our own guts as cordage.


Geoff

 

[Biker]

Riiiight. (girds loins)

You were lucky.

As for the flames freezin' Bah! We were so poor, we couldn't spare the wood to light another fire to melt the first, so we brock off the frozen flame and sucked it t' kip oorselves warm.

Where we grew opp we didn't 'ave trees if we wanted to see grass we'd look at t' pictures in the magazines we 'ad hanging on a nail for bogroll in the outhouse... course when I say outhouse I meant 'ole in t' ground.

We were so poor we had toenail clipping soup... if it was our turn to eat that week.

Can't beat the hammock one that was just too good. (Toadflax that was brilliant! )

 

[Miyagi]

When I were a lad, it were so cold that t' flames on t' fire froze, and we 'ad ter light another fire to melt 'em before we could boil watter for us tea.

An' we were so poor, we could na' afford a sharpenin' kit, so we 'ad ter strop our knife on our own tongue.

An' we didna' 'ave an axe, so we 'ad to cut wood with sarcasm.

And...we didna' 'ave an 'ammock, so we 'ad to tie ourselves up between a pair o' trees, usin' our own guts as cordage.


Geoff

Brilliant!!

 

[scottisha5]

And...we didna' 'ave an 'ammock, so we 'ad to tie ourselves up between a pair o' trees, usin' our own guts as cordage.


Geoff[/QUOTE]

Is that after youve eaten a lump of poison?

Priceless........... Im still crying

 

[John Fenna]

You were lucky - when I were a lad we didn't have "Bushcraft" - we had "Survival"!
Makes yon "Bushcraft" look very tame!

 

[Biker]

You were lucky - when I were a lad we didn't have "Bushcraft" - we had "Survival"!
Makes yon "Bushcraft" look very tame!

There speaks the "old school". If it's any consolation that's what I remember it being called too

Sitting here drumming fingers on my desk waiting for Toadflax to come up with another memorable line. Those were just too brilliant for words to describe. "Cut trees down with sarcasm" I'm in awe of this type of lateral thinking and humour.

 

[JohnC]

You were lucky - when I were a lad we didn't have "Bushcraft" - we had "Survival"!
Makes yon "Bushcraft" look very tame!

Survival! We never survived, we were all killed stone dead AND had to march home in the rain carrying our own bodies....

 

[Biker]

This is cracking me up! Brilliant JohnC!

 

[Tengu]

Pah! When we were young, we were so primirive, we had to use stone tools.

That was before the meteorite, and we sold that to NASA before we realised it was useful.

 

[Northern Giant UK]

Riiiight.
Where we grew opp we didn't 'ave trees if we wanted to see grass we'd look at t' pictures in the magazines we 'ad hanging on a nail for bogroll in the outhouse... course when I say outhouse I meant 'ole in t' ground.

FLUSTERED. . Ole in't ground! . . Luxury!!! We were so poor we ad to use each other it kept us warm.


(back t't cave)
Kev

 

[Biker]

"Each other to keep warm?" Lux-ury

We 'ad it so cold, our breath would freeze as we exhaled and would fall onto our dinner plates, then we weren't allowed to eat it as it was called an extra helping, so we'd be served it the next day... if we were lucky!.

It were soooo cold my pa would let us take turns standing in t' fridge to warm oop!

One year the council re-tarmacked our road, so jus' to keep warm we let t' steamroller ride riiiight ove' uz.

We couldn't afford toilet roll so we used a hedghog.

Course we 'ad it tough... Aye Obadiah.

 

[Miyagi]

You lot don't even know yer born.

Cold? We didn't even have two sticks to rub together.

The last Ice Age was a tropical heatwave for us...

 

[Matt.S]

We 'ad it so cold, our breath would freeze as we exhaled and would fall onto our dinner plates, then we weren't allowed to eat it as it was called an extra helping, so we'd be served it the next day... if we were lucky!.

Plates? When I were growin oop we had to eat our frozen breath off each others backs!

 

[Shambling Shaman]

We had to sit round a candle for warmth...............


If it got relay cold it would get lit...

As for eating off each others backs? We didn't have Backs we had two fronts so we could work two coal faces at once!!

 

[Biker]

Very good fellas especially Shambling Shamen :notworthy

Riiight... (girds lions again)

I's remember one year it wuz so cold, the air froze solid and we were entombed for a 6 munth!

Another winter it were so cold I stole an grape just so's I could be caught, tried and transported to Australia cos' I 'eard it wuz warm there.

We were so poor we couldn't go to school so we mugged other kids on their way home and stole their knowledge reet ootta their 'eads.

I remember one year it wuz so cold we propped my flatulant old grandad up we'd all gather round him and one of uz lit his farts to keep uzelves warm. (Sorry moderators)

... Aye them were the dayz. Oo'd a thought it eh? We'd be sat 'ere drinking Chateau de Shashaley...