If at first you don't succeed, sky diving isn't for you.
-Me
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
- Jack Handy