One for the West Coast Mafia

Goatboy

Full Member
Jan 31, 2005
14,956
18
Scotland

bojit

Native
Aug 7, 2010
1,173
1
56
Edinburgh
My daughter kills her self laughing every time that one is on tv.

My wife's friend had a baby , I thought that they called it Gary Rhodes but it turns out she is called Darrie Rose !
She is now 5 and still gets called Gary ftom time to time.

Craig.........
 

boatman

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Feb 20, 2007
2,444
8
78
Cornwall
I was convinced of the hardihood of the Scot when an Edinburgh, Morningside, lady informed me that she had hessian sex.
 

Goatboy

Full Member
Jan 31, 2005
14,956
18
Scotland
Thanks to Tom Shields.

An Ontario linguistics professor told his class:

"In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double possative can form a negative."

To which a Scottish voice piped up from the back:

"Aye right."
 

Goatboy

Full Member
Jan 31, 2005
14,956
18
Scotland
Dundee expression:

"If yer pus had happened overnight the United Nations wid've declared it a disaster area."
 

Toddy

Mod
Mod
Jan 21, 2005
39,133
4,810
S. Lanarkshire
Thanks to Tom Shields.

An Ontario linguistics professor told his class:

"In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double possative can form a negative."

To which a Scottish voice piped up from the back:

"Aye right."

Oh, Scottish sarcasm at it's most scathing :D

M
 

Goatboy

Full Member
Jan 31, 2005
14,956
18
Scotland
A Glasgow lad had moved to Edinburgh and thought he'd gotten the "You'll've had your tea?" brigades accent down pat. He'd met a lass and decided to stock up on supplies at the local chemist to keep himself smelling sweet.
After looking round the asked the posh looking lady behind the counter "Deodorant please misses?"
To which the Morningside lady replied "Ball or aersol?"
Shocked the young weegie stammered "Eh no misses it's fer under ma arms."
 
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Toddy

Mod
Mod
Jan 21, 2005
39,133
4,810
S. Lanarkshire
Oh..........blast! ....coffee/keyboard interface :rolleyes:

That was funny :D, it was,.........but the Boss says no smut, so caw canny, eh ? I'm taking this as more 'carry on humour', iimmc :)

Still laughing, right enough, but I need to find the meths for my keyboard now :sigh:

cheers,
M
 

Goatboy

Full Member
Jan 31, 2005
14,956
18
Scotland
A Glasgow office where a personnel person has been sent from headquaters in England to interview staff for various posts, including that of junior clerical worker. One hopeful young lady enters the room, nervous but keen to make an impresion as an outgoing and chatty sort of person. Pulling at her blouse, where perspiration is evident, she ventures the meteorological comment: "Soafy clammy."
"Come in, Miss Clammy. Take a seat," says the personel officer.
 

Goatboy

Full Member
Jan 31, 2005
14,956
18
Scotland
A Glasgow couple on the beach in Mallorca. The hubby shouts to the wife; "Gie's ower the suntan lotion."
The wife, preturbed at his perempotory demand, replies; "Huv you never heard of the word gonny?"
 

Goatboy

Full Member
Jan 31, 2005
14,956
18
Scotland
A very quick one. You have to say it out loud, and in a Scots accent:

Q: What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

A: Bing sings, and Walt Disney.
 

Goatboy

Full Member
Jan 31, 2005
14,956
18
Scotland
Oh..........blast! ....coffee/keyboard interface :rolleyes:

That was funny :D, it was,.........but the Boss says no smut, so caw canny, eh ? I'm taking this as more 'carry on humour', iimmc :)

Still laughing, right enough, but I need to find the meths for my keyboard now :sigh:

cheers,
M

And I got away with the Melolontha melolontha post back at #45 :eek:
 

Goatboy

Full Member
Jan 31, 2005
14,956
18
Scotland
The aforementioned deodorant weegie was out on his date wi his keelie at a posh restaurant.

They're pushing the boat out and having starters, and our hero is having melon balls. The waiter glides up and asks: "Would sir like ginger with that?"

Nervous, the lads eyes dart about the room to try and gain some ideas. "Nah, nah. I'll stick tae wine like everbody else."
 

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