My wife doesn't understand me...

[red devil]

No, it's not a chat-up line, honest.
For all our 16-year marriage she has known me as something of a geek - I've written about and played around with technology of all sorts both for business and pleasure.
But this last year has seen my interests take a dramatic turn - call it a mid-life crisis, if you like, sans medallions, flashy sports car and dim blondes - and I'm now pouring all my energy into angling, bushcraft and traditional crafts.
She's a tolerant old bird, though, Mrs Red Devil and smiles sweetly and nods in all the right places when I'm rambling on about lures and line, knives and awls and stuff.
But occasionally, her mask drops.
I was showing her a tin I'd polished up with some steel wool - it was originally an M&S peppermint tin and was painted green, but I thought it would look nice all naked and polished and would serve as a useful field tin for ... y'know, useful stuff.
"It's still a tin... why didn't you leave it like it was and save yourself the trouble?"
"Yeah... but now it's shiny, it doubles as a signalling mirror."
"Why do you need a signalling mirror in the suburbs?"
"Err...well...hmmm...y'know..."
Then, I showed her my first piece of leatherwork, a pouch with a nice braided and beaded leather drawstring.
"It's nice, you've done a good job, but what's it for?"
"For keeping my leatherworking tools and thread and beeswax in."
"So, you bought some leatherwork tools to make a pouch to keep your leatherwork tools in?"
"Er..well...hmmm...y'now...yeah...kinda"
"Hmmm"
See?
My wife just doesn't understand me.

 

[jojo]

Poor man... I am with you on this one. You need a leather pouch to keep those tools, because otherwise, those expensive tools will get damaged, and, obviously , there is no way to make a pouch without the tools, is there? So there, you were right! Women, hey!!!

 

[Adze]

Not to worry fella... it's the boy in you making itself known.

41 y/o Dad: "Why did you throw stones at the Church House windows?"

14 y/o Son: "Err... I dunno!"

In the above example "Son" is not being 'smart'... he genuinely doesn't know, but it probably seemed like a good idea at the time. He really cannot explain his actions, much like "Dad" wouldn't be able to explain his joy at manufacturing something (anything) of dubious practical value or worth.

It's because we're men and not for any other reason. Revel in it

 

[Toddy]

You think that's bad ?

You trying being the wife when another shiney drops through the letterbox and, you try to sneak the parachute that you just had to have, past the astonished husband, sons, brother, Uncle........ or explain why that particular patch of weeds is not to be howked out because it's dinner .....and get them to eat it too

cheers,
M

 

[Adze]

There's always an exception which proves the rule Toddy...

It's not for nothing the cliché reads: "If a man says something in a forest and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?"

 

[Toddy]

Sorry Adze

M

 

[Sniper]

In my wife's eyes I have only 2 faults.......


Everything I say


and .........Everything I do

 

[red devil]

You think that's bad ?

You trying being the wife when another shiney drops through the letterbox and, you try to sneak the parachute that you just had to have, past the astonished husband, sons, brother, Uncle........ or explain why that particular patch of weeds is not to be howked out because it's dinner .....and get them to eat it too

cheers,
M

Parachute? Parachute?!
Crikey Moses. I thought I was daft polishing an old tin... at least I'm not daft enough to jump out of a perfectly good plane.

 

[Toddy]

I've met your wife ...................you do know she's right ?

M

 

[red devil]

There's always an exception which proves the rule Toddy...

It's not for nothing the cliché reads: "If a man says something in a forest and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?"

And we all know the answer to that one, don't we lads?

 

[sapper1]

My problem is the opposite.My wife understands me,and therefore knows what I'm up to before I even think about it.

 

[Toddy]

Parachute? Parachute?!
Crikey Moses. I thought I was daft polishing an old tin... at least I'm not daft enough to jump out of a perfectly good plane.

I think it was when I came home from a dig to find that HWMBLT had put my beautifully tarred up (and subsequently waterproofed) chute in the washing machine because he was fed up of the smokey smell as I tried to dry it out over the upstairs bannisters, that I realised that they didn't share my enthusiasm. The arrival of the second (bigger) chute came as something of a surprise
Not as much as surprise as the funny looks on the faces of those who helped me put the first chute up next time and it smelled of *persil* though

cheers,
M

 

[Sniper]

A comment of my wife's everytime I mention camping at this time of year is :-

"We pay £15 a week on gas to heat this house and you want to go into the woods and do an impression of a brass monkee looking for a welder are you nuts, what are you smoking?"

 

[British Red]

There is a simple rebuttal series of questions that worked well on my ex wife

1) How many pairs of shoes do you actually need?

2) Why do you buy all that expensive goop to smear on your face when it clearly doesn't work?

3) When you dye your hair, do you actually think you are fooling anyone?

and my favourite

4) ...shouldn't it be up to the person who earned the money?


I don't miss her at all

 

[Robbi]

said like a true single man !

 

[RAPPLEBY2000]

My wife just doesn't understand me.

I'd just leave it at that mate I've been there so many times!
I used a shiny surface to get my sons attention at a school sports day he was 50ft away the other side of the track with his class, and couldn't see us.
I flashed the metal at him Survival stylee' and he saw us!

I've tried to explain why I needed:
5 jackets, 3 sets of waterproofs, 3 sets of webbing, 3 rucksacks, 4 basha's, 2 ponchos, 2 hammocks, piles of paracord, 40 survival books, boxes of old rations, buckles, clips, waterbottles etc.
I never can give a good enough reason...my advice, don't bother.

 

[British Red]

aaah no - the upgrade to wife 2.0 was the best move I ever made. Like all things that are newer, all the bugs of the older model have been removed and the newer one looks great and actually performs .

 

[RAPPLEBY2000]

My 1.0 just has a really good anti-virus system!

 

[The Big Lebowski]

Yup... My ex is the same!

Why do you need a tarp and hammock when a tent will do... Why use a steel and coal when you have a lighter... Why would you look for mushrooms, when tesco's sell them?

I set up the gear not so long ago, she lay in the hammock and had a hot chocco and i quote 'that was the most relaxing hour i can remember'

I might have had a bit of a smug grin on the way home and i think it was the most relaxing hour i can remember too LoL! nag-ometer on silent mode.

al.

 

[rik_uk3]

In reality your wife's views and logic are perfect, its your actions that in reality are somewhat flawed in the normal world. However, this bushcraft nonsense is not normal so just get on with it and try not to rock the boat with her.

My wife is a senior nurse therapist and if and when a new stove/lamp/ham radio/set of billy cans turn up she just says "All the more for when I have you sectioned"