How can I help my daughter out of the rut she is in

[jojo]

My daughter is in a rut and I don't know what to do to help her out of it. She finished a 2 years Btec course in Animal Management and worked really hard and passed the whole course with distinction. She has applied for quite a few jobs in the past 3 months without any luck and she is getting quite dispirited by the whole thing, both because she has not secured work yet or even because some potential employers don't bother to respond . She is not sure now what to do or even what she want to do anymore. So she sits at home looking at the TV, playing computer game and looking at the internet. She had a week's "work experience" this week, and I drove her there. 2 hours later I had to go and pick her up because she had had a panic attack and couldn't go in, so sat in a parc for 2 hours. .

It's hard to see her like this and we are not sure what to do to lift her out of this. She is a normally cheerful and enthusiastic, practical person, who does not get too fazed by things. I suppose our "emotional involvement" also makes it hard to see clearly what we can do to help her.

Any ideas would be welcome.

 

[dave k]

HI,

s o r r y to hear about your daughter, this is exactly the same position I was in after I left school. I have must have sent out over 300 letters to companies, and I only got about 5 reply's.

I know it's not really thought of a good step, but what about volunteer work? if there is something about local in the area that suits here interests it may help her remember what it was that kindled her passion in the first place. It's also a very good way to get experience, and usually people jump at the chance. Once you've got some pratctical experience on your CV I find it helps with the job situation a lot.

Most of it nowdays is catch-22. Not the same situation, but in finance you `have to have banking experience` to get the job, but you can't get banking experience without the job!

edited to say I can't say s o r r y !

 

[falcon]

If we think back far enough we realise that many young people hit a phase where the idealism of traing for your "ideal" job is frustrated when there are no opportunities available to use the skills you've acquired and you don't want to compromise by doing something you consider to be mundane.. Would it be possible to persuade her to do, say, 15 hours ( or so ) each week in a local supermarket on the basis that she can earn some money to spend on her socialising etc while... at the same time...look for a job that suits her aspirations. At least that way she's learning some good life experience, work routines and cash, and even if not ideal it pushes her out of a rut. I feel for you both mate and hope things change soon..

 

[Ben_Hillwalker]

I know exactly the situation you are in because I had the same difficulty when I left university. You have your vision of your ideal job and you don't want to compromise or to do just another desk job. For what it's worth, my experience is that any job is worth having because it builds up your CV and because employers are more attracted by people who are already in work. To give your daughter a goal to work for, suggest that she take on some other paid work to pay for a volunteer placement. Voluntary experience is crucial in a lot of animal and conservation roles.

 

[sam_acw]

I've been there too - I sent out about 300 C.V.s and applications and had about 10 replies. Most of those were automated ones too!
Employers can often be impressed by people who show a desire to work and initiative. Voluntary work is a good thing to put on your CV to help demonstrate this.
The panic attack sounds scary, perhaps you could follow this up and get some advice about it?

 

[Martyn]

Not finding a job yet isn't so much the worry - if she perseveres, she will find what she is looking for. The panic attack is far more of a concern. If she is not careful, she could end up wallowing in inactivity. Stressful situations are overcome and managed by familiarity. If you avoid them altogether, then they can build up to become insurmountable obstacles in your mind. This can happen to anyone. It's important you dont facilitate her "avoidance" strategies. She needs to get out and do "something" - anything at all. The worse possible thing is to lock yourself indoors with video games and the internet. People can very quickly loose the ability to interact in even the mildest of social situations without experiencing enormous stress. Limit her access to computer games and the internet to evenings only (the easiest way is to put a password in the computer BIOS - Your computers BIOS is the first program that is run when your computer starts. You can tell the BIOS to ask for a password when it starts which means the computer cant be switched on without the password - obviously dont tell her the password). If she honestly cant get work, then get her enrolled on some kind of college course or night class - anything to keep her moving forwards and interacting with others. If she has an interest in animals, what about training for a vocational occupation - maybe veternary nurse? Just get her out there doing something.

 

[crazyclimber]

Was sry to hear this story. I'm presumably not much older than her and can sympathise completely with what she's going through. The classic catch-22; no work without experience, no experience without work.

The key I think is do something - anything, within reason - that's going to give her an advantage with getting the job she wants. Voluntary work, as others have suggested, would certainly get her noticed on a CV. Would probably be great for her motivation as well. My choice was to learn a language... living with my parents I did a huge amount of work and DIY around the place while listenting to language CDs and studying it in the evenings. I believe that's the extra bonus point that made the difference between getting and not getting the job I have at the moment.
One of the guys I trained with, again in an almost identical situation, got very into medicine while he was unemployed. Did some kind of advanced 1st aid and mountain medicine courses and managed to get abroad on some trips... I believe he was already summer ML or better qualified before he got into flying though.

Just suggest some ideas like that to her perhaps? See if any appeal, or if she has any new ones of her own? Basically anything which she can put on a CV and talk about in an interview, and preferably something which'll set her apart as well

Just one last tip for applying for jobs too (I used to work in recruitment so might help a bit): do more than send in a CV. At the very least give the company / organisation a call, and preferably go and visit. Ask questions, find out more about them, make her face noticed. If I had the choice between a couple hundred CVs and one person who stopped by who was friendly, motivated, qualified and seemed right for the job, I know exactly who I'd choose.

Hope some of that helps. Hope things work out for her

 

[Banjobill]

Speaking from the other side of the fence, a few years ago I was recruiting for a trainee accountant. Loads of applications (well over a hundred) of which probably 25% didnt get binned straight away. Anyhow, I finally gave the job to a young lad, fresh out of Uni, who offered to come and work at the company for no pay for three months, just to build up his work experience! He was working at a petrol station at the time!

He turned out to be a star, and no, I didn't take him up on his offer, though he was sincere as he was that desperate.

It's the old conundrum: Can't get experience without getting a job, can't get a job without the relevent experience!

My advice (for what it is worth) would be for your daughter to get into work, either paid or unpaid, and build up her CV as soon as possible. In the meantime, keep sending in those applications.
There is nothing a prospective employer likes to see more than someone who is enthusiastic and is actually getting off their backside and doing something about their situation, rather than someone who bemoans their fate and comes up with excuses!

I really hope it works out for her, but she must be proactive.

 

[Dougster]

I'm trying to change my career path and have an afternoon a week volunteering with the National Trust - an organisation linked to your daughters qualifications would probably be very grateful, even helping out in a dog shelter would build confidence.

Whilst there she will be introduced to all the right people who will no doubt also get to hear how great she is. My afternoon a week keeps my sanity and I make a little difference. I hope your daughter can find the same thing.

 

[Toddy]

I'd suggest that you give her a hug, tell her you're proud of her, that she's very capable, and you know things *will* work out one way or another.....then find something that needs hands on active involvment with an animal charity or the like, Cat Action Trust, Cat Protection League, The Mrs Tiggiewinkles brigade, animal welfare groups.....anything where busy people and animals overlap, but they are short staffed because of funding issues. Even if it's not full time, it'd be positive, active involvement sort of in her own field that will look good on her cv, help her confidence and get her out and about.

The previous advice on taking *any* part time paid work is an awfully good one too; money in her hand and again, busy and looking good on the cv. If she can manage both that would do a power of good.

The panic attack is pure stress, ease the situation, and sometimes it only needs to be in the slightest way, and the panic eases, but left too long it can become a clinical issue.

I really hope things work out well; I think young folk have a harder time than ever we did, there's soooo much more pressure on them. To succeed, to be *out there* socially, financially, looks wise, materially, I think life was gentler on us.

atb,
Toddy

 

[Tengu]

You all talk about CVs but has she a well presented one?

It must look profesional and above all, make her look INTERESTING.

As for the panic attack, was it a one off (as you imply) or is this a thing with a precident?

if its a precident, have you seen a doctor about it?

if its a one off, could mean there is a specific reason for it? (or just trying to find a medical way out of the situation?)

I have been looking for a career for years now, I cant get one because Im bad at interviews (I dont have too much trouble getting interviews I will say) also people dont like it if I tell them Im disabled.

(I have AS, and do a bit of security work, a role I fell into by accident, Imagine having AS and working with crowds!!!)

Dont let her get in a rut, its so hard to get out.

 

[weekend_warrior]

I'd suggest that you give her a hug, tell her you're proud of her, that she's very capable, and you know things *will* work out one way or another.....then find something that needs hands on active involvment with an animal charity or the like, Cat Action Trust, Cat Protection League, The Mrs Tiggiewinkles brigade, animal welfare groups.....anything where busy people and animals overlap, but they are short staffed because of funding issues. Even if it's not full time, it'd be positive, active involvement sort of in her own field that will look good on her cv, help her confidence and get her out and about.

The previous advice on taking *any* part time paid work is an awfully good one too; money in her hand and again, busy and looking good on the cv. If she can manage both that would do a power of good.

The panic attack is pure stress, ease the situation, and sometimes it only needs to be in the slightest way, and the panic eases, but left too long it can become a clinical issue.

I really hope things work out well; I think young folk have a harder time than ever we did, there's soooo much more pressure on them. To succeed, to be *out there* socially, financially, looks wise, materially, I think life was gentler on us.

atb,
Toddy

I think is right on the nose here - give her a big hug, let her know you understand and completely and unreservedly support her. Work will come - employers often don't reply, not just to her but millions of others. Martyn is also right! She needs to get out and get active before the rots sets in (and it does!!) Volunteer work at a rescue centre, cats league whatever! I wish you both my very best in what must be a tough time for you all.

 

[Matt Weir]

I've no advice but just want to wish you the best of luck.

 

[leon-1]

I can sympathise with her. The first time that I was unemployed for any period of time was the 6 - 8 months after leaving the army.

It was a nighmare getting work, I was qualified as a computer engineer, but every job that I went for I was told you needed more experience, so I put myself through a course at Exeter University to learn about server installation and administration.

Then I got an interview for PC world, I sat through tests and came back for further interviews. I got down to the last 2 (over 250 applicants for one job) and got told you certainly know your stuff, but the other guy has 20 years of experience.

Later they offered me a job working as a shop assistant at a pittance, it wouldn't have covered my traveling expenses so I had to turn it down. I was gutted.

Then I got an interview to work for Nortel, got a job as an opto-electronics test technician. I went through the opto-crash where all of the businesses that dealt in that line got hit, I kept my job where about 6,000 lost theirs from Nortel in the west country (Paignton) alone. I stayed with the company when it was taken over by Bookham Technology and after five years and we had more than 2,000 people working there again we had started to make a profit.

That's when they made a load of us redundant to move the factory to China, that was their thanks for all your hard work to their workers.

I have had over 2 years of looking for work in an area that has one of the highest rates of bankruptcy in the country. Most work in this area is done through agencies, who pay the very lowest wage they possibly can, it is demoralizing to say the least.

In the end I had enough of waiting for someone to employ me, the good jobs had gone and they don't come up very often, either I am not qualified enough or I am over qualified.

So I decided to go self employed, work for myself. It's hard work, but satisfying. I am currently on test trading, not making enough money, but being my own boss.

If your daughter has something that she is good at that she could turn into a business (not a hobby as turning a hobby into a business kills the enjoyment of the hobby itself), then get her to think about drawing up a business plan.

Then she would need to speak to a self employment advisor (the job centre can put you in touch with one), they would take her through the phases of setting up a business. Once she has gone through phase 2, with this she has to pitch a business plan of her own design to someone from the chamber of commerce (well that's what I had to do), she moves onto test trading (phase 3).

She will be enrolled into phase 3 and then she just has to make it work. It's not easy, infact it's very difficult, but as I say it is quite rewarding.

I wish her well in her search

 

[Geuf]

Jojo, I'm sorry to hear what you tell us. First of all I want to say that I hope her dreams and her life turns out the way she want's to. But I'm confident it will work out, one way or another.

I agree with most people here. And I think there are three major factors that have to be stressed.
First of all the unconditional support of you and other people close to here is vitally important.
Second, it's very important that she understands that she is in controll of her own situation. Not you, not some employer, she is. And when she realizes that, I think she will be capable of changing the situation she is in.
Wich brings me to the final point, wich is that if she wants to do something about her situation, then she will have to get active and keep moving. developing herself.
Start small. Do not let her get overwhelmed by the giant task of getting the perfect job. Take the big task and cut it into little pieces, so that they can be completed one by one and step by step. As I said. start small and for example take a simple job so that she is earning her own money. so she will feel good about herself. Start taking courses, lessons or classes related to her field of interest or wanted job. Do some volunteer work, wich is also in line with her goals and interests. this way she will keep developing herself so that she will be more atractive for a potential employer and she might meet people that have conections to other people. that way she can develop a social network in her field of interest wich may result in a job offer.
I hope all the advices of the people on this forum and in your surroundings help to solve this problem. I think it's a good thing that you play an active rol in tackling this obstacle and I hope she will get where she wants. I wish you and your daughter all the best.

 

[tedw]

I sympathise with you both; my daughter went through exactly the same thing. Frankly, all the hugs in the world from you won't change the situation; she knows you love her, what she needs is the confidence boost of someone else valuing her enough to give her a job. My girl had to give up the hopes of working with animals (exploitative wages and poor conditions anyway - typical of vocational work) and drifted into a couple of MacJobs, but at least they got her off the sofa and put a little money in her pocket. The biggest difference that was made was when she herself realised this was getting her nowhere and went out a got herself a better job. She's now earning a decent wage, enough to think about getting herself a horse, and can see progeression and a future where she is. And she can always go back to animal work when she's got some experience and money behind her if she wants to.

That said, volunteer work is a real option - but choose the place carefully, it's too easy to become a skivvy taken for granted because" you love animals". It takes self-discipline and real commitment to make something worthwhile out of it.

It's a hard road; good luck to you both.

Ted W

 

[tomtom]

Please send good vibes from me, I haven't much advice but we have all been in a rut at one time or another, has she considered taking some time out from the career quest just to travel or relax, my gap year did me a world of good after GCSE's and A-levels.

 

[weekender]

JOJO
This may be a shot in the dark and a bit of a travel but have you tried the vet school on Madingly road cambridge or the animal health trust in newmarket they are always looking for help.you may have already tried these??

 

[jojo]

Well, what can I say..

If I had had any doubt about the value of joining this forum, this definitely would have dispelled it. Just the kindness and support from this thread today would make it worthwhile. . I was feeling really despondant this morning when I posted the thread.

I did get my daughter to read it earlier. Now whether it helped cheer her up or not, I don't know for sure. But she went into town later on, and collected a load of application forms from various places and she is much more cheerful and positive tonight. Most of the jobs are seasonal but she is doing something positive which always helps.

So thank you very much to all of you who responded and gave your support, shared your ideas and experiences You_Rock_

 

[Fin]

JoJo,

I can only echo what others have said on here and wish you and your daughter well. I was expelled from school, had a succession of dead end jobs (digging holes in roads in Germany at 16 was a bit of a wake up!) before deciding on a career well into my 20's. I now pilot advanced military aircraft. The early adult "rut" is something I know all too much about.
The important thing is getting on that first rung. A good friend of mine was leaving the forces and had gained some IT qualifications. He was in the same position as your daughter in that he couldn't get an interview, let alone a job (usual mantra - "no experience"). So...he put on a suit, went - in person - to a local network company, asked to see the head of HR, presented his qualifications and offered to work for nothing - to gain experience. Within 3 months he was offered a position in the company, so impressed were they by his work ethic.
Others have already said on here - there are loads of organisations which should be happy to take on a qualified, motivated young woman on a voluntary basis. Kennels, animal charities, stables, vets, national parks, forestry commision, English waterways - the list goes on. She would be working in a field she is clearly interested in, she would be gaining experience (and importantly references) - but most of all, she would be on that first rung.
The only other piece of advice I can offer is don't dive in with your experience and ideas. In my experience with young adults - it's much better to be crafty and couch it in such a way that they think it was their idea in the first place!

Best of luck mate - the silver lining generally does make an appearance at some stage.