How can I help my daughter out of the rut she is in
- Thread starter jojo
- Start date
give the council dog warden/animal welfare/environmental health - what every they are caleld in your area. It unlikely they offer her a job (they are all hardup) but they may well be able to do some student /graduate placement or work experience stuff.
That way she'll have a proven work record which will make things easier. I severa linterview and was told that I would be ideal but as I had no work record - not even packing shelves for 6 months, they could'nt employ me.
That way she'll have a proven work record which will make things easier. I severa linterview and was told that I would be ideal but as I had no work record - not even packing shelves for 6 months, they could'nt employ me.
Hello Jojo,
My advice would be to recommend a visit to your family doctor and get a recommendation to a psychologist/counselor. I worked as a counselor for a while, and have my degree in psychology.
Anxiety is often effectively treated with cognitive-behavioural therapy and with or without a combination of pharmaceutical therapy.
These sort of panic attacks benefit very quickly from therapy, and I myself have been there.
All the best,
Mungo.
PM me if you have any specific questions or comments - hope you don't mind my recommendation.
My advice would be to recommend a visit to your family doctor and get a recommendation to a psychologist/counselor. I worked as a counselor for a while, and have my degree in psychology.
Anxiety is often effectively treated with cognitive-behavioural therapy and with or without a combination of pharmaceutical therapy.
These sort of panic attacks benefit very quickly from therapy, and I myself have been there.
All the best,
Mungo.
PM me if you have any specific questions or comments - hope you don't mind my recommendation.
I don't think there is an easy answer. However, I would also suggest that she try and get some experience through volunteering. This serves at least three purposes. It gets her out of the house and exercises her mind, it will look good on her CV as it will demonstrate that she is willing to get out there and have a go and is positive. Thirdly, if she is shy it will be a good introduction to working with people and give her confidence when that real first interview comes along. Some interview coaching might also be a good idea. I am sometimes in the position of having to employ young people. If I see that they have tried some of the above I will look more closely at the CV. If it's clear that they have spent ages sitting at home and lack that spark I would be less keen. Hope she get a job soon and that the above helps. This situation can't be much fun for you either.
Hi Jojo
It sounds very much like your daughter's been feeling like she's on the outside looking
in and wonders when she's going to be properly employed. It's a lot easier to make a
sideways move than a big leap up and that's why I'd agree with everyone here who's
recommended the 'any job' route as it gives you a slightly better "power base" as my
dad would say (sometimes in an American accent ) or springboard, really, from
which to zoom off in better directions. And of course it gives you money and that
all important "I'm employable" feeling.
Might be worth her signing up with some agencies, if only for the interview practice
and the additional CV advice she'd get. We've had a few job applications recently
where people have told us that they're good at something and that they'll be able to
do it but they've not given us any evidence of what it was they did. Probably obvious
advice but she needs to make sure she's following any application instructions
correctly. Actually we had one recently (our application form clearly states 'no CVs')
where someone had written 'see CV' under every single question on the form
Volunteering is a great idea - if funds will permit - as it's usually a good opportunity to
try out a few different roles in different departments, which you might not get if you take
one job...
Anyway, she is not in a rut, she is just between opportunities
What's in the local yellow pages companywise?
It sounds very much like your daughter's been feeling like she's on the outside looking
in and wonders when she's going to be properly employed. It's a lot easier to make a
sideways move than a big leap up and that's why I'd agree with everyone here who's
recommended the 'any job' route as it gives you a slightly better "power base" as my
dad would say (sometimes in an American accent
) or springboard, really, fromwhich to zoom off in better directions. And of course it gives you money and that
all important "I'm employable" feeling.
Might be worth her signing up with some agencies, if only for the interview practice
and the additional CV advice she'd get. We've had a few job applications recently
where people have told us that they're good at something and that they'll be able to
do it but they've not given us any evidence of what it was they did. Probably obvious
advice but she needs to make sure she's following any application instructions
correctly. Actually we had one recently (our application form clearly states 'no CVs')
where someone had written 'see CV' under every single question on the form
Volunteering is a great idea - if funds will permit - as it's usually a good opportunity to
try out a few different roles in different departments, which you might not get if you take
one job...
Anyway, she is not in a rut, she is just between opportunities
What's in the local yellow pages companywise?
I'm s o r r y to hear your daughters predicament and I hope she finds something soon.
I wouldn't bother echoing what many have already said as it is all good advice.
However, I can offer a useful tip. Try enclosing a stamped address envelope with letters and applications.
I did this a few years ago when I was looking for a change of direction. I wrote to 30 firms and received a response from around 75% of them. This is certainly above the expected hit rate I believe.
Many wrote back just to say thanks and how refreshing it was to receive such a request at no expense to them.
Many people will write asking for work or work experience but expect the company to foot the bill for a response that they almost certainly demand. With the numbers who will now write many companies or departments just can't aford to respond to the volume of applicants.
Out of those responses I eventually got offered a job.
It's an expensive tip but buy a bunch of cheap envelopes from a stationary supplier and some second class stamps and see how she gets on.
I would recommend that you encourage your daughter to see someone about the panic attack.
My worry when reading the post is just what this kind of worry and the emotions it can bring to the surface can lead to.
I suffered from depression a while ago and this stems from getting myself in to a rut and not asking for help sooner. Having left it to late the assistance offered was limited to medication and this made me simply feel more like a failure.
Give her a big hug from the Brown family and wish her all the best!
I wouldn't bother echoing what many have already said as it is all good advice.
However, I can offer a useful tip. Try enclosing a stamped address envelope with letters and applications.
I did this a few years ago when I was looking for a change of direction. I wrote to 30 firms and received a response from around 75% of them. This is certainly above the expected hit rate I believe.
Many wrote back just to say thanks and how refreshing it was to receive such a request at no expense to them.
Many people will write asking for work or work experience but expect the company to foot the bill for a response that they almost certainly demand. With the numbers who will now write many companies or departments just can't aford to respond to the volume of applicants.
Out of those responses I eventually got offered a job.
It's an expensive tip but buy a bunch of cheap envelopes from a stationary supplier and some second class stamps and see how she gets on.
I would recommend that you encourage your daughter to see someone about the panic attack.
My worry when reading the post is just what this kind of worry and the emotions it can bring to the surface can lead to.
I suffered from depression a while ago and this stems from getting myself in to a rut and not asking for help sooner. Having left it to late the assistance offered was limited to medication and this made me simply feel more like a failure.
Give her a big hug from the Brown family and wish her all the best!
Im in the same prediciment and its pissing me off too, im 17 just finished a year at college and couldnt go back since i applied for the royal marines and its going to take ages,basically i have a small weekend job,but there is nothing to do in a town/city in the week when all ya mates are bogged down with college work. Normally im a happy go person myself but i find more often i am sat on the computer or watching TV,tjhats how i got into bushcraft
Thought to let you know that my daughter has finally been offered work today. Part time, but nevertheless she is happy with it. She has had time to seriously think about what she really wants to do and is now thinking about midwifery. The thinking behind that is she want to live in Canada. Of course I'll be encouraging this To be fair, it's something that's been at the back of her mind for sometime. She is now reading my books: The good Life, The good life gets better, Dick Proeneke's book, Woodswoman.....
Only good things could come out of this, methinks.. I told her she will have to import the ol'folk when she over there Can't wait
To be fair, it's something that's been at the back of her mind for sometime. She is now reading my books: The good Life, The good life gets better, Dick Proeneke's book, Woodswoman.....Only good things could come out of this, methinks.. I told her she will have to import the ol'folk when she over there
Can't wait
Oh JoJo that is fantasitc news really.
My wife is a second year midwife student at Brighton University.
She is a big member on a midwifery forum which is for wannabe's, students and qualified as well. If you or your daughter want details or questions let me know and I'll gladly pass on!
Give her my congrats.
Paul
My wife is a second year midwife student at Brighton University.
She is a big member on a midwifery forum which is for wannabe's, students and qualified as well. If you or your daughter want details or questions let me know and I'll gladly pass on!
Give her my congrats.
Paul
ive been out of work for over a year now,and it does get frustrating having worked for myself i have no references.Unfortunatly i dont have any answers for your daughters predicament although the panic attack could do with being seen to by her gp,if u have one or go to nhs direct theyll point you somewhere for some advice.i did some work at a horse sanctuary maybe she could try something along similar lines,
I love it when the plan comes together. Congrats, the weight of the world must be off your shoulders, as any parent would agree.
Great news Joel!
A life in Canada is a fantastic goal (I've worked in western Canada) and will be a great motivator for her.
A life in Canada is a fantastic goal (I've worked in western Canada) and will be a great motivator for her.
Jojo
My daughter has a place for a midwifery degree course commencing next September, but it has been a long and difficult struggle for her. I'm not saying this to put your daughter off, far from it, but to let you know of the hurdles that we have had to cross so that it may help to prepare you for what you and she may have to do.
My daughter tried to get a place for last September (2006), but was turned down because she had no work experience, so she spent the next year trying to get this. In the end, after many 'failures', her persistence (ringing and emailing, using contacts in the NHS, etc.) paid off and she managed to get a clerical job in the maternity unit, and also some voluntary work on the levels. She also managed to be interviewed for a maternity care assistant (MCA) job and approved for such a job, though there turned out to be no vacancies at the time.
She applied again for a place for this September (2007), but again didn't get a place. Turns out that she was recommended for a place, but there just weren't the vacancies on the course. Midwifery degrees are highly over-subscribed - we have heard from the Universities figures of up to 50 applicants for each place. Again, she persisted to try and find out why she hadn't got a place this year and once again, this persistence paid off in her being offered a deferred guaranteed place for next September (2008). However, the admissions person said that it was only because of her persistence that she got this. If she had just emailed, they probably wouldn't have offered it to her.
She has now got an MCA job and has been doing it for about four weeks now (she has seen the quintuplets that were recently born in Oxford) and this is going to be very good for her, as she can see the midwives at work and it does give her a chance to find out much more about what it will be like as a real midwife (and the opportunity to change her mind before she commits to the course). Fortunately, at the moment she still very much wants to go ahead with it.
Hope this is useful and I wish you and your daughter luck.
Geoff
My daughter has a place for a midwifery degree course commencing next September, but it has been a long and difficult struggle for her. I'm not saying this to put your daughter off, far from it, but to let you know of the hurdles that we have had to cross so that it may help to prepare you for what you and she may have to do.
My daughter tried to get a place for last September (2006), but was turned down because she had no work experience, so she spent the next year trying to get this. In the end, after many 'failures', her persistence (ringing and emailing, using contacts in the NHS, etc.) paid off and she managed to get a clerical job in the maternity unit, and also some voluntary work on the levels. She also managed to be interviewed for a maternity care assistant (MCA) job and approved for such a job, though there turned out to be no vacancies at the time.
She applied again for a place for this September (2007), but again didn't get a place. Turns out that she was recommended for a place, but there just weren't the vacancies on the course. Midwifery degrees are highly over-subscribed - we have heard from the Universities figures of up to 50 applicants for each place. Again, she persisted to try and find out why she hadn't got a place this year and once again, this persistence paid off in her being offered a deferred guaranteed place for next September (2008). However, the admissions person said that it was only because of her persistence that she got this. If she had just emailed, they probably wouldn't have offered it to her.
She has now got an MCA job and has been doing it for about four weeks now (she has seen the quintuplets that were recently born in Oxford) and this is going to be very good for her, as she can see the midwives at work and it does give her a chance to find out much more about what it will be like as a real midwife (and the opportunity to change her mind before she commits to the course). Fortunately, at the moment she still very much wants to go ahead with it.
Hope this is useful and I wish you and your daughter luck.
Geoff
My daughter is in a rut and I don't know what to do to help her out of it. She finished a 2 years Btec course in Animal Management and worked really hard and passed the whole course with distinction. She has applied for quite a few jobs in the past 3 months without any luck and she is getting quite dispirited by the whole thing, both because she has not secured work yet or even because some potential employers don't bother to respond. She is not sure now what to do or even what she want to do anymore. So she sits at home looking at the TV, playing computer game and looking at the internet. She had a week's "work experience" this week, and I drove her there. 2 hours later I had to go and pick her up because she had had a panic attack and couldn't go in, so sat in a parc for 2 hours. .
It's hard to see her like this and we are not sure what to do to lift her out of this. She is a normally cheerful and enthusiastic, practical person, who does not get too fazed by things. I suppose our "emotional involvement" also makes it hard to see clearly what we can do to help her.
Any ideas would be welcome.
Hi mate,
our schools dont prepare us for the most important thing in Life and that is to deal with us and Life itself. This we as parents have to do, to help our kids to usher them trough the whitewater and the rapids of trouble. We have to take the chances Life gives us to learn something from it. On thing she already got to know is that even if you finish with distinction, the doors are not open. Even if you are a nice, cheerful and enthusiastic person doesnt help to get even a response. Now what do you do?
You can do the same as you do in a Survial Situation. Have you never wondered why some people die in the first night even they should not?
Teach youself and her something about our mind.
The best book I found which helped me and still is my best spiritual mind food is eckhart tolles book, the power of now. This book teaches you to accept the now as it is and to embraces it. In this state you will experience a uplifting power you dont have otherwise.
It is much like the martial arts where you are doing something without doing it.
It teaches you about Life and in that way you can use it for Bushcraft, Survial and your daughter for staying positive and cheerful even in the hardships of Life.
Then we watch what happens without judging the moment as bad or good. It simply is, thats it. Going down the river in a canoe you are not getting angry and sad and depressed about all the hinder in the river, you accept them and avoid them, you keep going, paddling thats it. In that way we should paddle through the rapids of our life, paddling, paddling and not judging the moment.
here is a good motto:
Since my house burned down I now own a better view of the moon.
Here is a link to the book I warmly reccoment to you. Maybe you read it first and guide your daugher on the journey, dont dump the book into her lap. As a leader go the path first and lead.
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Gui...bs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195318440&sr=1-1
all the best
yours
Abbe
Thanks you all for the support you have given..
Geoff, that's good advice. Whether my daughter will eventually do midwifery or not, I am not sure. She does realize that things don't come easy and that we need to work at getting what you want out of life, it does not get handed to us on a plate.
Abbe, what can I say. You are right of course. Schools don't prepare young people for life. They just force an education down their throats, most of it is just background information that won't actually be of much use, apart from passing exams and getting bits of papers.
I think she has learned from this episode, that you really have to make your luck in life. She has done and is still doing, a lot of thinking. She has found some work which is going to give her some needed experience and also her own money, some of which she is planning to save for future plans.
The Power of Now looks to be very interesting reading and I shall certainly get my hands on it. I had a look at the "search this book" on Amazon. He certainly has some interesting ideas thats seemed partially shared with buddhism.
The thing is that I generally try to follow in my own way the precepts of Buddhism. Sometimes more successfully than others, of course, but not very successfully in the case of my daughter on this occasion!
I think the simpler you can make your life, the closer to nature you can get, the easier it is to get an inner peace in your life. I certainly am at my happiest in a wood by, on on the water than any other place.
The closer you are from mainstream society though, the more necessary it becomes and yet the harder it is to achieve.
Joel
Geoff, that's good advice. Whether my daughter will eventually do midwifery or not, I am not sure. She does realize that things don't come easy and that we need to work at getting what you want out of life, it does not get handed to us on a plate.
Abbe, what can I say. You are right of course. Schools don't prepare young people for life. They just force an education down their throats, most of it is just background information that won't actually be of much use, apart from passing exams and getting bits of papers.
I think she has learned from this episode, that you really have to make your luck in life. She has done and is still doing, a lot of thinking. She has found some work which is going to give her some needed experience and also her own money, some of which she is planning to save for future plans.
The Power of Now looks to be very interesting reading and I shall certainly get my hands on it. I had a look at the "search this book" on Amazon. He certainly has some interesting ideas thats seemed partially shared with buddhism.
The thing is that I generally try to follow in my own way the precepts of Buddhism. Sometimes more successfully than others, of course, but not very successfully in the case of my daughter on this occasion!
I think the simpler you can make your life, the closer to nature you can get, the easier it is to get an inner peace in your life. I certainly am at my happiest in a wood by, on on the water than any other place.
The closer you are from mainstream society though, the more necessary it becomes and yet the harder it is to achieve.
Joel
mate, you will find quite at home with the book I am sure. One thing of Chan (Zen) buddism is to use what you have in life to learn. Being in the woods or being in the car in a traffic rush hours. Living in nature ends up to be as much a challange as being in town.
The same problems in another package. Read it and "eat" what you like. Take only that stuff you need right now on your personal journey. I am not following any precepts, no religion. I only watch and learn. Thats fun.
good luck
Abbe
