101 SPOOF top tips

[Opal]

carrying you're gear in an Asda trolley costs you a pound,
it's free if you use Tesco's trollies, excellent for large fires too.

 

[Goatboy]

DISAPPOINT wasps this summer by smearing cold tea on your ears instead of honey.

 

[Goatboy]

Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey.

You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.

 

[Goatboy]

Buying rope, chain or wire at B&Q?
Cut off the length you want and abandon it elsewhere in the store. Next day, buy it from the reduced bucket for half price.

 

[8thsinner]

Buying rope, chain or wire at B&Q?
Cut off the length you want and abandon it elsewhere in the store. Next day, buy it from the reduced bucket for half price.

Genius, pure genius

Doing the right thing is bleeding for the cause

 

[Goatboy]

Write the alphabet around the edge of your ironing board to encourage ghosts to do the work for you.

 

[Goatboy]

Syria. Encourage everyone to stay home and be quiet by turning the internet back on.

 

[Shambling Shaman]

Write the alphabet around the edge of your ironing board to encourage ghosts to do the work for you.

My wife uses this method in the castle

 

[Goatboy]

HARRY POTTER FANS. Avoid a costly cinema trip to see the latest film by reading the book and creating the images in your mind.

 

[Goatboy]

HARRY POTTER FANS. Avoid a costly trip to the cinema by getting your parents to read it to you again. Oh, you're 27? Christ...

 

[Goatboy]

Now that it's getting colder out, hard boil a couple of eggs just before you leave the house and put them in your coat pockets. They stay hot for ages, keeping your hands toastie warm - and when they cool down,you can have them as a delicious snack!

 

[Andy BB]

Persuade the newbie that yellow snow has lots of natural vitamins and essential minerals.......

 

[youngbushcrafter]

It doesn't matter how bad your diarrhea is, as long as you constantly drink gallons of water you will stay hydrated

 

[Goatboy]

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

 

[Goatboy]

• Dog owners, attach a SAK to your dogs collar and as long as he comes when told you'll never be without a knife. And the police don't generally search dogs... Unless it's a staffie or rottie as they're obviously on the dangerous dogs list as it is.

Before I get complaints I love dogs and it's the owners I know, not the dogs.

 

[Biker]

When testing the edge of a newly sharpened knife of axe to see if it cuts paper, use an electricity bill or other formal document, the satisfaction of seeing it shredded so easily is doubled.

If you're an Ostrich do this on all your unpaid bills.

 

[Hile_Troy]

Push Rice Krispies (other rice-based breakfast cereals are available) into the treads of your car tyres for that expensive 'gravel drive' look. (Viz top tips)

 

[bushcraftkid2001]

If you find a bottle full of purple liquid, remember that the skull and cross bones label actually mean drink me!

 

[bearbait]

Say "No" to negativity.

 

[DavidJT]

Put a couple of pieces of dry uncooked macaroni between your back teeth.

Then ask an unwitting friend to help you "uncrick" your stiff neck.

As they start to hold you chomp down on the dry pasta to produce a loud convincing bone crunching sound.

Works every time.