i have to ask !!!
how did you burst your ball bag for heavens sake ?? !!
Seeings as how you asked........ Go put the kettle on for a brew this is a bit of a story and I do think it is best to tell it all!
I was building a partition wall in my old house and I was trying to reach for my saw. I should really of climbed down the ladder to get it but I leaned a bit to the side and stretched and stretched a bit more until I fell from the ladder with an almighty bang that probably would of registered on the Richter scale and a bit of 3x2 ripped through my trousers at the knee and scraped its way up my thigh until it came to a very rapid halt against my right testicle!
After the initial shock and intense pain I gingery had a feel of the sore area, Only to be horrified to see blood on my hands. I had a look and saw that my sack was ripped open.......... This is when living 3/4 of a mile up a dirt track road becomes a very bad thing. And realizing you are home alone.
I gritted my teeth suppported my crotch and walked like John Wayne to my Jeep and gingerly climbed into the drivers seat and drove myself very slowly down the road, each bump and pothole cause pain like you never would want to experience. Thankfully it was only 5 miles to casualty dept. With a combination of one handed steering limited gear changes and occasional steering with my knees all the while holding myself in. I was glad too make it with everything still inside my sack.
On arrival at the hospital I had to ring a bell to get in and I stood at the door holding my crotch. The nurse gave me a look up and down before opening the door to which I uttered I have cut myself down below.
I was allowed in and ushered straight to a bed instead of the normal 30-45 minute wait for somebody to come attend to you. The nurse had a quick look and said ! OH I think that will need stitches but I better get a second opinion........... At this point I think she left the ward and ran to the nurses Tea Bar to say you will not believe the injury we have to deal with today Because one nurse after another came through to "Check" on me. I didnt realize such a small hospital would have so many members of staff!.
After much deliberation it was decided a doctor was required.
Now unfortunately there are no Doctors in this hospital they have to be called in from a On call list! So I am laying on the bed holding myself with a bit of bandage over the wound as one nurse after the other comes in for a "Check" To be honest I think some of them may of been cleaners and other staff....
The doctor arrives after 20 minutes munching on a sandwich as he had his lunchtime disturbed. He says yes definately require stitches I can do it but I have poor eyesight and a shaky hand maybe one of the nurses could do it. Now this is the bit that gets me the entire troupe of interested nurses that came for a look. Not one of them had ever stitched a wound before. its up to you the doc says I can can do it with my bad eyes and shaky hands or I can talk a nurse through doing it. I looked at the doc and then the nurse who was there and I thought to myself A woman who can most likely sew a patch on a pair of trousers or a shaky handed doc who was still munching his sandwich? Easy choice the nurse it is.
Under careful instruction she neatly snipped the hair from around the wound. Then the sore bit a local anesthetic injected all around the gash. You think the dentist injections are bad well this rewrites the pain list for sore places to be injected. I would liken the pain to pouring vinegar into an open wound. Anyway the very attentive nurse gave me seven neat stitches onto the side of my sack and sent me away with some dressings to cover the wound up! Anyone fancy pulling micro-pore tape from the side of your very tender ball bag to replace a dressing? No me either!!!
A week later I went back to the hospital to get the stitches removed. The nurse that took them out was none to gentle and none to sympathetic to my pain. I can only assume she was pi$$ed off she wasn't on duty the day I came in with injury, and missed out on the injury of the week discussion that I have no doubt was the talk of the teabreaks for the next while. A couple of weeks later I was in the pub with my wife for a bar lunch and I bumped into the nurse who stitched me up. Some comment was passed about not recognizing me at first with my pants on!!