Stoopid jokes

[Kepis]

If 666 is all evil, then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.

 

[bearbait]

An old man is standing in the street, shouting at thin air.

"Why's he doing that?" asks a passer-by.

"That's old Mr. Fosdyke," replies a woman. "He's just talking to himself again."

"So why is he shouting?" asks the passer-by.

The woman replies "He has to; he's deaf."

 

[Glass-Wood-Steel]

People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician

 

[Kepis]

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.

It's called feefiphobia

 

[Robbi]

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.

It's called feefiphobia

Your coat is by the door.

 

[bearbait]

If "I am" is the shortest sentence in the English language, what is the longest sentence?

"I do."

 

[Kepis]

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see a Batman film.

Our dates can be summarised as follows;

Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Batman


Admit it, you sang it in your head

 

[Robbi]

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see a Batman film.

Our dates can be summarised as follows;

Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Batman


Admit it, you sang it in your head

Your coat awaits you Sir.

 

[Chris]

My wife gave me an ultimatum and told me that I need to stop singing Monkees songs, otherwise she's going to leave me.

I thought she was joking at first. But then I saw her face...

 

[Kepis]

I stayed up all night looking for the Sun.

Then it dawned on me....

 

[kard133]

Comic sans and Papyrus walk into a bar, the bar tender sees them and shouts “GET OUT, we don’t serve your type here”

My partner is a graphics designer, she found this hilarious.

 

[Kepis]

Someone threw a giant bottle of Omega 3 pills at me.

Thankfully I only suffered super fish oil injuries

 

[bearbait]

Someone threw a giant bottle of Omega 3 pills at me.

Thankfully I only suffered super fish oil injuries

Definitely worth a Groaan...

 

[Pattree]

 

[Chris]

Been having a hard time recently and my friend keeps saying "cheer up mate, it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"

I know he means well...

 

[Pattree]

This reminds me that when the physicist Brian Cox was in the band D:Ream they had a hit called “Things can only get better.” As a physicist he knows that the law of entropy dictates that everything can only get worse!!!!

 

[Kepis]

I once swallowed a bunch of synonyms.

It gave me thesaurus throat i've ever had.

 

[Robbi]

I once swallowed a bunch of synonyms.

It gave me thesaurus throat i've ever had.

Oh Jeez.!!

 

[Kepis]

I bought a new limousine, but i couldn't afford a driver.

All that money and nothing to chauffer it......

 

[Kepis]

What's the difference between Dubai & Abu Dhabi?

The people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people of Abu Dhabi Do.