Although my opinion on this is not in keeping with the general tone of this thread regarding parenting I have to see that I find your father's reticence to lend you those particular items oddly reassuring
Some cultural differences...
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Although my opinion on this is not in keeping with the general tone of this thread regarding parenting I have to see that I find your father's reticence to lend you those particular items oddly reassuring
I'm a bit leery letting my daughter play with the car too. Her Mom's turnig into a passable metalsmith though out at the aerospace firm where she works. Funny too as she started there as an aircraft electrician after 20 years in the Air Force. But when The company ran out of eletrical work they retrained her rather than laying her off. She's also passable with a chainsaw. Maybe Nikole will pick it up from her. Meanwhile I've got to get her a gun of her own so I can get mine back.
xylaria
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Although i do agree that politians should shut up and stop telling everyone how to parent, but I dispair of sheduled children. They also tend to be the children that are driven everywhere, never learn to catch a bus, work a washing machine or an iron, or cook. I think babies should be babied and teenagers left to fend to for them themselves. Tommorrow my son has to come home to an empty house, fix a dinner, sort his cadet kit and leave on time without any adult assisance, because I am giving a lecture to drwswlyn gardeners on eating weeds. At thirteen he should be able to manage, and so should every other 13 year old.
Bus? I've heard of those. Aren't they those things they have in cities that you get on and pay somebody else to drive? They'll never catch on.
Indeed. At 13 for most of human history he would be expected to do a full day's work as an adult. For much of human history he would be old enough to marry.
Indeed Red, but we live in an age of labels, Aspergers, ADD et al, its all blamed on junk food or this or that bla bla bla and in reality its often a failure in parenting skills and easy badge pinning in many cases or the fact that there are poor parents and good, you're not allowed to put children under pressure, the exam system is a joke...................we live in a 'you are right and we are wrong culture' which to me is utter nonsense.
Whilst I strongly believe we are all born with certain innate survival skills (a baby won't crawl over a cliff type thing) I also believe in the concept of Tabula Rasa, we are born more or less blank and learn from experience and if there are no boundaries learning will not complete any of its many cycles in so many areas.... sometimes someone, a parent for instance, has to say no, you can't do that and lets move on to something else. Boundaries allow completion and mobility.
To be fair she said that
.
She was referring in the main to those doting mumsies who think a child likes to have its day organised from dawn to dusk...rather than being allowed to sort themselves out. I agree to the extent that most kids fondest wish is to get away from their mother
I will miss mine when she goes Mary - doesn't alter the fact that the last thing I wanted as a child was to be under her thumb!
TurboGirl
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Ouch.... nothing to do with genetics then
I have to agree with TurboGirl on this. Things like Aspergers and ADHD are of course labels but that doesn't make them any less appropriate. I know at least one family that has a son with Aspergers and a daughter without. They are good parents and I don't notice any particular failure in parenting skills. If there was I'd expect to see it affecting the daughter too.
My own son has ADHD and the change in him was marked once it was recognised and treated. My daughter shows none of the signs of ADHD. Have I failed one child and succeeded with another?
I don't think ADHD is a new thing.
Even when I was at primary school, and that wasn't yesterday, there were children who just could not focus, could not sit still, could not 'behave', even when teachers tried to belt them into obedience.
One teacher managed better than all the others though; she simply sent the boy in our class out to run round the entire playground. He was told that when he 'had' to get out, when he simply could not behave properly in the classroom, to go out and run.
Rather simplistic I agree, and probably took no regard of the underlying issue, but it did allow the boy to work his way through school and still pass his 11+ (though that had stopped by then, there was some other streaming policy in place, it was still called the 11+) and go on to do an apprenticeship without being routinely physically punished. He became a stone mason, iirc.
The ideal would be to accept the differences in every child, but the reality of teaching classes of 20+ relies on acceptable behaviour, and as little disruption as possible. To exclude the square peg in the round hole though, does the individual no kindness.
Provision might be variable, but at least people are aware now, and there is help available.
The help might not be what the parents want to see, but individual one on one teaching is outwith almost every school's budget.
I think those parents who work with the school in achieving workable strategies, without drugging the children into somnolence, still have a hard row; but really are doing the best they can for their child and his/her siblings and the other pupils in the class.
No easy answers.
atb,
Mary
Even when I was at primary school, and that wasn't yesterday, there were children who just could not focus, could not sit still, could not 'behave', even when teachers tried to belt them into obedience.
One teacher managed better than all the others though; she simply sent the boy in our class out to run round the entire playground. He was told that when he 'had' to get out, when he simply could not behave properly in the classroom, to go out and run.
Rather simplistic I agree, and probably took no regard of the underlying issue, but it did allow the boy to work his way through school and still pass his 11+ (though that had stopped by then, there was some other streaming policy in place, it was still called the 11+) and go on to do an apprenticeship without being routinely physically punished. He became a stone mason, iirc.
The ideal would be to accept the differences in every child, but the reality of teaching classes of 20+ relies on acceptable behaviour, and as little disruption as possible. To exclude the square peg in the round hole though, does the individual no kindness.
Provision might be variable, but at least people are aware now, and there is help available.
The help might not be what the parents want to see, but individual one on one teaching is outwith almost every school's budget.
I think those parents who work with the school in achieving workable strategies, without drugging the children into somnolence, still have a hard row; but really are doing the best they can for their child and his/her siblings and the other pupils in the class.
No easy answers.
atb,
Mary
TurboGirl
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
You've succeeded with both, Huon, because you see them as individuals and no doubt react accordingly to their individual needs
I don't know if ADHD is similar to autism, but male and female display marked differences in the type of response, males often being more prevenlant (or ppossiby simply more readily diagnosable as its understood better) whereas lasses tend to be diagnosed only if they display classic autism. The understanding of aspergers in women is in infancy, I DEFINATELY don't have it because I learned to make 'appropriate eye contact' according to te specialists. However I'm completely socially niaeve, totally male brained (I can parallel park and EVERYTHING! ) and my family history to 1522 is peppered with gifted, depressive & mostly alcoholic engineers... t's about awareness and acceptance, I believe, learning each of your children, trying everything from different angles, exposure to as much as possible including lifes dissappointments and negatives and using the emotional equivalent to Barbour Dressing on yourself frequently
'Some Cultural Differences'.... they feel like yawning chasms within our own society, let alone between different cultures.... or political, medical, monetary, religeous, parenting style or any other social division. I think your teacher was waaaaay ahead of their time, Toddy, I only hope we can help our kids to have such a happy outcome
You've succeeded with both, Huon, because you see them as individuals and no doubt react accordingly to their individual needs
t's about awareness and acceptance, I believe, learning each of your children, trying everything from different angles, exposure to as much as possible including lifes dissappointments and negatives and using the emotional equivalent to Barbour Dressing on yourself frequently
'Some Cultural Differences'.... they feel like yawning chasms within our own society, let alone between different cultures.... or political, medical, monetary, religeous, parenting style or any other social division. I think your teacher was waaaaay ahead of their time, Toddy, I only hope we can help our kids to have such a happy outcome
Thanks for that. Don't worry, I know that I haven't done a bad job with any of my kids. I'm actually in a good position to judge as my mother specialising in teaching children and adults with learning difficulties. I've had a leg-up as it were.
Someone made the suggestion that ADHD and the related spectrum of 'isms' as a recent fashion or fad word to excuse poor parenting. My mother is 80 and as a teacher she welcomed these 'labels' as they allowed teachers and schools to officially recognise and handle problems that have always been there. Factors like diet, TV, lack of physical activity are exacerbating factors for a lot of these things and the problem may be more prevalent now as a result but it is not a new thing.
I agree that Toddy's example of a teacher allowing a child to burn off steam was remarkable and the teacher was ahead of his or her time. That would still be a good way to deal with some kids with this sort of problem.
