Is the countryside boring?

[Iona]

The couple who had an old orchard chopped down because she'd always wanted to keep a horse.

The man who tried to stop their farmer driving his muddy vehicles on the public road without cleaning them first (so their cars wouldn't get dirty).

Oh my God! Where do you live?? And was that guy subsequently sectioned?

 

[sandbender]

Oh my God! Where do you live?? And was that guy subsequently sectioned?

Happily they weren't my neighbors, the orchard couple were featured on a Channel 4 'do up a place in the country' program a few years back. The muddy road tale I read in a newspaper, I believe the court found in favor of the farmer

 

[firecrest]

To be honest...you know what....the countryside IS boring!

*grabs coat and runs!*

No woodland, thats an entirely different matter. but hills and sheep? nah...

 

[British Red]

We had a bloke phoned the rozzers about noise polution at 1am

Had just bought a large cottage as a holiday home

The noise pollution - a combine harvester harvesting by searchlight to get the wheat in before an inbound storm ruined it

"Oh dear" says copper "what time do you need to be up"?

"6am" says the townie - "I have to get back to town"

"Will you have cornflakes for breakfast"? Asks the rozzer....

"Yes...why?" says the townie

"Cos you s****ing won't if he doesn't finish harvesting" said the copper

Next morning, same copper nicked the townie for speeding on his way back to the motorway .

He didn't buy his own beer for weeks

Red

 

[BorderReiver]

People who want the ancient rookery destroyed because of the noise.
The judge told them that the rookery had been there a lot longer than they had, so no.

The people with the loud braying voices that fill the pubs on summer evenings. With a bit of luck they will have been mostly city types and won't have so much to bray about now.

The absolute ******** who drive their multi thousand pound cars at stupid speeds on small country roads. Hanging is far too good for them.:aargh4:

 

[Ogri the trog]

Here are a few...

Anyone who pities me for not having a streetlight outside the house.
Anyone who relies exclusively on a bl**dy Satnav to direct them somewhere, rather than pulling over and asking the people who live there.
People who think that having a well, means that I have a twee pent-roofed winding handle and a bucket to draw my water.

Hows that for starters.



Ogri the trog

 

[BorderReiver]

Here are a few...

Anyone who pities me for not having a streetlight outside the house.
Anyone who relies exclusively on a bl**dy Satnav to direct them somewhere, rather than pulling over and asking the people who live there.
People who think that having a well, means that I have a twee pent-roofed winding handle and a bucket to draw my water.
Hows that for starters.



Ogri the trog

You mean you don't?

 

[British Red]

He's got a pretty cool pumpy thing in the stream though

 

[firecrest]

He's got a pretty cool pumpy thing in the stream though

If it doesnt look like it belongs in an Enid Blighton novel its a not proper well

 

[sandbender]

rather than pulling over and asking the people who live there.

Oh I love it when city folks ask for directions

Fast Show - Rambler Sketch

 

[British Red]

Coo no - Ogris "pumpy thing" (I think thats the proper scientific term) looks like it was designed by a mad plumber on acid with the leftover hydraulics from Concorde!

http://www.bushcraftuk.com/forum/showpost.php?p=336084&postcount=17



You see that's a country bloke.

"Spend money......hell no". I have some bailer twine and some wire in the barn...I'm sure I can make one,,,,,


When I have my first cottage it had this....odd....hot water sytem involving two separate balck boilers, no pump and numerous valves.

I asked the bloke (who had...built....it) if it had a manual.


"F... me no boy" he said...."It hasn't even got a name"

Very cool!

 

[firecrest]

Oh I love it when city folks ask for directions

Fast Show - Rambler Sketch

I remember that one!

 

[Jay.in.the.woods]

I'm actually surprised the results were as positive as they were. I can't imagine any Travelodge customer being overly concerned about the aesthetic qualities of their surroundings.

Yep i'd say you hit the nail on the head there mate.

 

[British Red]

oooh theres a new one.....

Hanging offense 47(b)

Anyone who cannot comprehend the spritual significance of bailer twine!

 

[harryhaller]

There's no countryside in the south-east of england - it's just one big spread of a garden-suburb with props. So? The farmers have big lawnmowers and bigger lawns.

 

[locum76]

People who get upset because they get muddy.

 

[locum76]

Anyone who cannot comprehend the spiritual significance of bailer twine!

Bailer twine is eternal and is carried by the seven seas to all corners of the world. In the future, a race like ours will bow down in reverence to the bright blue fluff washing up on the infinte shore.

 

[British Red]

I think bailer twine is the country equivalent of the covalent bond.

It holds every freaking thing together!

 

[locum76]

It holds every freaking thing together!

You can use it to:

1)tie a bail up

2) keep your trousers up

3)hold the tomatoes up

4)tie your hair back

5)mark out a dog track

any more?

 

[British Red]

Fix a chain harrow

walk the dog with

as a belt for your coat

to attach a number plate

to guy your cb antenna to talk to the tractor

as an impromptu fishing line.....

as thread

to tie sacks closed with