Moving back to the US, goodbye my little village.

Nice65

Brilliant!
Apr 16, 2009
6,852
3,270
W.Sussex
Wouldn't it be easiest and cheaper to fly the drunk to UK then stick him into the woods with no booze in sight?
Sure what we don't do for loved ones, but why is it the decent ones that have to uproot their lives?
Or send the wife to US to spend a few months with the lovely drunk, see if it's all bliss.

Not very helpful. You can't just fly an alcoholic out of his city and "stick him in the woods". I struggle to understand what you're suggesting. A guy is moving from Devon to a US city, isn't too happy, and you reckon the best thing to do is for him to take responsibility and fly him back? Unbelievably short sighted and poorly educated post :rant:

What we're into here is keeping our TarHeelBrit in a good space in St Louis. The man needs his greenery.

Toddy, good post. Know the story of the wagon? it's a good one.
 

santaman2000

M.A.B (Mad About Bushcraft)
Jan 15, 2011
16,909
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Florida
Yes of course I was. It's important, and possibly essential for this guy. He's being taken from his home environment to a city, and a possibly challenging period of his life. The man will be needing time with nature......

Absolutely. I've been following TarHeelBrit since back when he lived in North Carolina. Missouri's going to be a bit different from the east Coast he knew then as well.
 

mrcharly

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Jan 25, 2011
3,257
45
North Yorkshire, UK
You can't just 'remove and alcoholic from drink' like that. If someone is a serious alcoholic, their body almost certainly has a physiological dependency on alcohol intake. Going cold turkey would probably kill them. DTs are not to be taken likely.
I have an acquaintance who is a serious (not drinking, they are dry now) alcoholic. They've been open about what they went through to dry up, had to taper down with half bottles of spirits a day. It was an eye opener. I had no idea.
 

Big G

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Jul 3, 2015
3,144
0
Cleveland UK
Wouldn't it be easiest and cheaper to fly the drunk to UK then stick him into the woods with no booze in sight?
Sure what we don't do for loved ones, but why is it the decent ones that have to uproot their lives?
Or send the wife to US to spend a few months with the lovely drunk, see if it's all bliss.

Mate that's the most insensitive comment i've read on this forum.

The lad still needs profession help and his family around him to beat his demons.

I've been there myself........... But i'd rather not go in to detail on a public forum.

TarHeelBrit... Good luck to you and your good wife.. and i hope he sees the light and takes the help that he so desperately needs.

But talking from experience... you need to have hit rock bottom and be willing and ready to take the first steps to live a clean life.



B.G
 

Tengu

Full Member
Jan 10, 2006
13,008
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Yeah, me too.

Toddy is right, I have known alcoholics and wouldnt let one in my life either. (and IMHO much worse than heroin.)

Its agood thing to help folk...but shameless troublemakers, no.

Alcohol isnt just an addiction...its a lifestyle choice.
 
Jan 19, 2013
139
1
Finland
My apologies for not sounding like a cottonball of no use.
Having had a drug addict in the family, the cheesy sobbing factor is low in the system.
The pampering does rarely any good.
 

TarHeelBrit

Full Member
Mar 13, 2014
687
3
62
Alone now.
Hello everyone,

Hope I can finish this before the hotels WiFi kicks me out.

Thanks for the comments and good wishes I've been trying to reply to many but see above. Hopefully they'll fix it today and I can do more that surf the forum....see ya later.
 

Zingmo

Eardstapa
Jan 4, 2010
1,296
119
S. Staffs
Just to sound a more hopeful note. I have been privileged to know a few "recovered" alcoholics (they all would have said they were still alcoholics). Men (that's what they were) who had found in themselves the strength to wrestle their demons every day and still enjoy life without complaining.

All the best with the move.

Z
 

Big G

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Jul 3, 2015
3,144
0
Cleveland UK
True.....

What ever addiction you've had and come through.

You will always be in "recovery".

B.G
 

CLEM

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Jul 10, 2004
2,458
462
Stourbridge
I feel for you mate, really sad that you have to give up your own personal piece of heaven. Can only say I hope it works out as best as possible for you.
 
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TarHeelBrit

Full Member
Mar 13, 2014
687
3
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Alone now.
Best of luck with it mate, you are not painting a pleasant picture to me here, so much so it actually sounds like my present situation that i am dreaming of escaping from

Don't worry mate your little bit of heaven is waiting for you in Boston, Mass. I have to admit I've never been there but it was on our short list of places when we moved from Alaska. Massachusetts is a beautiful state, you'll love it.:)

Aye man sounds like madness to me, sounds like you are leaving to go to what i suffer daily from what i would dream to escape to, a little bungalow in the countryside is my dream beyond dreams, hope you all get through this together especially with you not telling her your real feelings about it all

Best of luck, as GGTBod says, maybe you should tell her how you feel, these things can fester, no chance of renting your spot out to come back to in the future ?

Sent from my SM-N910F using Tapatalk

Oh there's no chance of it festering, love her too much for that and anyway she's said when we go house hunting it absolutely must have a large back garden with trees and I can set up a permanent camp shelter

Well it might be my idea of heaven but for Debbi it was a bit too rustic for her also if we settle in Ballwin it's almost the perfect mix of city/country. 5 minutes this way = country. 5 minutes that way = city. Luckily for us we only rented our house so we didn't have the additional headache of selling up

Sorry to hear of the troubles with family; it's never easy to deal with.

That said, if both you and your wife are actually happy here, I'd think long and hard about a total shift, especially if your BIL's prognosis is not for any longevity.

Very best of luck whichever way things go for you and huge sympathies on dealing with it all.

Mary

Well as I said it wasn't heaven for Debbi and the novelty wore off, thanks for the good wishes Mary much appreciated.

It's an adventure, grab it with both hands and see where it takes you, The Mark Twain Forest is only a couple of hours drive from St Louis or you could get a place out there in the sticks.

Exactly that's how I'm looking at it we can stay in the Ballwin area or move further out.
 

Toddy

Mod
Mod
Jan 21, 2005
39,133
4,810
S. Lanarkshire
I hope your flitting goes very smoothly, and you find a beautiful home that suits you both very well indeed :)
Five minutes betwixt city and country sounds pretty much ideally sited for you, and it looks like a lovely bit of the world.
Rich in history too.
Don't be a stranger :D

M
 

TarHeelBrit

Full Member
Mar 13, 2014
687
3
62
Alone now.
my advice, rent out bungalow, dont sell, put a padlock on attic and store stuff in there. it sounds as if it wont be a permanent move.


have a look at st louis on google earth, and take virtual walk out from it to find some wilderness areas, after all, US is know for its wildernesses.

Even if I could store my gear there's no way I could go that long without "checking" my gear hell it's only been a couple of weeks and i'm already getting withdrawal symptoms. My gear is in a container in port waiting for a ship.

Any idea if your wife has thought beyond the life span of her brother? I'd be inclined, once there, to explain my feelings.
Your days of impromptu walk-abouts might be over in the short term but that could depend on where you lay your head.

She said the other day that in the long term she'd like to stay in the US and buy a piece of land and build a cabin out there. True there's no more bimbles to the cricket ground but there's Debbi's old stomping ground of Babler State Park.

Sorry for your BIL's troubles. Likewise for the pains of moving.

On the good side, I'd not settle in St Louis proper (nor do I expect it's your preference0 Rather I'd look for land nearby and either build/buy a small farmhouse or a mobile home. There's loads, and loads, and loads of farmland in the area as well as public recreational land. Renting is never a good idea here (as you probably already know) Just buy a small piece of property and if you decide to leave you can easily sell it at a profit.

No mate... I agree renting is a BAD idea, money down the drain and no equity. As I said she would (in the long term) like to buy and build a second home out in the sticks, nothing grand just cabin type setup.

One more bit of advise. He's your wife's brother and she loves him. That said, alcoholics can be (and usually are) quite adept at laying blame elsewhere. They're also very good at guilting family and friends into sympathy to the point where you loan money you don't have, miss work, lose time with other family members/friends, apologize for things not your fault, etc. and totally ruin your own life. In most cases it ends up enabling the addict to continue rather than helping him. Please-----don't let him make his problems yours.

Oh boy you got that right, it's never his problem it's always someone/something else's fault. Deb has already said he's only going to get so much help and no more with 3 rehabs behind him she recons if the pros can't help then there's not much she/we can do.



I agree. Alcoholism is a terrible disease, it's incredibly manipulative and destructive both to the user, and the people around them.

I'll be blunt. Anyone that rehabs 3 times and takes to drinking again believing the alcohol isn't the cause of their problems is probably doomed. Rehab treatments are pretty intense, the denial is dealt with comprehensively, it's key to recovery.


I wish you the very best, don't let his disease affect your marriage, be well aware that it could. And I hope you find some places out there where you can ground yourself.

Sad to say but we agree...he could be too far gone. That's okay no chance of that happening.


Yes of course I was. It's important, and possibly essential for this guy. He's being taken from his home environment to a city, and a possibly challenging period of his life. The man will be needing time with nature.

it's going to be a challenge no doubt but as for grounding I like the look of Babler park.

Absolutely. I've been following TarHeelBrit since back when he lived in North Carolina. Missouri's going to be a bit different from the east Coast he knew then as well.

Ah so it was you on the patio knocking over the plant pots, did you steal my tomatoes off the vine as well? I was blaming the Raccoons!:)

Mate that's the most insensitive comment i've read on this forum.

The lad still needs profession help and his family around him to beat his demons.

I've been there myself........... But i'd rather not go in to detail on a public forum.

TarHeelBrit... Good luck to you and your good wife.. and i hope he sees the light and takes the help that he so desperately needs.

But talking from experience... you need to have hit rock bottom and be willing and ready to take the first steps to live a clean life.

B.G

Well to be honest she considered shipping his [bleep] over here until I reminded her there are 3 pubs in the village.

Alcohol isnt just an addiction...its a lifestyle choice.

It's a lifestyle choice when it's cost you jobs, life long friends and a nice home (twice).

My apologies for not sounding like a cottonball of no use.
Having had a drug addict in the family, the cheesy sobbing factor is low in the system.
The pampering does rarely any good.

No worries mate, see above.:)

Just to sound a more hopeful note. I have been privileged to know a few "recovered" alcoholics (they all would have said they were still alcoholics). Men (that's what they were) who had found in themselves the strength to wrestle their demons every day and still enjoy life without complaining.

All the best with the move.

Z

Us too when in Anchorage one of our tenants was recovering and took a job as a bartender to constantly test himself. Matt had that jobfor 6 years when we left and the last we heard he was still dry and bumped up to bar manager. So yes recovery is possible IF you want it.
 

santaman2000

M.A.B (Mad About Bushcraft)
Jan 15, 2011
16,909
1,120
68
Florida
......Us too when in Anchorage one of our tenants was recovering and took a job as a bartender to constantly test himself. Matt had that jobfor 6 years when we left and the last we heard he was still dry and bumped up to bar manager. So yes recovery is possible IF you want it.

Thanks for the update. Also, remember the difference between being "dry" and being "sober." According to AA and most recovery programs:
-Dry = no alcohol
-Sober = dry + being happy
 

TarHeelBrit

Full Member
Mar 13, 2014
687
3
62
Alone now.
Thanks for the update. Also, remember the difference between being "dry" and being "sober." According to AA and most recovery programs:
-Dry = no alcohol
-Sober = dry + being happy

Ah thanks for clarifying that. I didn't know the difference. I would like to amend the post to sober as Matt is very happy and the last time we emailed he was going to pop the question to his girlfriend.
 

TarHeelBrit

Full Member
Mar 13, 2014
687
3
62
Alone now.
I feel for you mate, really sad that you have to give up your own personal piece of heaven. Can only say I hope it works out as best as possible for you.

Sorry CLEM, you dropped off the reply post :confused: Maybe I was trying to reply to too many.

Ah don't worry about me mate I'm quite flexible in that way. However I did draw the line when our friends said there was a condo opening in their high rise building (If you've seen the comedy "Frasier'" think his home.) NO WAY am I living in concrete box a couple of hundred feet up in the air. With a few potted plants on the balcony??.....This man needs dirt under his feet.:)


I hope your flitting goes very smoothly, and you find a beautiful home that suits you both very well indeed :)
Five minutes betwixt city and country sounds pretty much ideally sited for you, and it looks like a lovely bit of the world.
Rich in history too.
Don't be a stranger :D

M

Thanks Mary, we started looking on-line at local realtors for the Ballwin area today. I think we're caught up on sleep and the stress of the move so now the good stuff begins.

Thanks for the update, best of luck for the future, don't be a stranger, and we love pictures :D

Thanks mate! Yeah you can't get rid of me just by moving over the pond There's too many good people and friends on here to just walk away.:) As soon as our stuff gets here I can take some decent photos as our camera gear is in there. We have a so called "smart phone" but the camera aint that smart.:)
 
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