Said goodbye to my Dad

[C_Claycomb]

Rich, I am so terribly sorry My deepest sympathies.

I too have been sat not really knowing what to say. I have watched my my mum and dad go through losing parents, in both cases it was from long illness at a great distance. However it hardly compared to what you have been through.

If you should suddenly want to get out for a bit and would like some company, (albeit questionable ) give me a call.

 

[falcon]

A desparate time of shock and adjustment Rich, my thoughts are with you and I hope you can keep strong. Both of my folks have passed on now, my mum was first after a stroke 13 years ago when my kids were very young. As I tried to rationalise things during the initial trauma, what helped me gain perspective was the belief, no the knowledge, that she would have said that she hadn't taken time to love and guide her family if we just lost the plot when she had to go. The thought of her love for my kids pushed me through...and probably still does.

 

[stuart f]

Sorry to hear of your loss Rich,my thoughts go out to you and your family.

 

[Scally]

Sincere condolances, and thoughts go out to all.

 

[stone]

My deepest sympathies Rich. From reading this thread, you have a LOT of friends here that really care, including myself. I made the same decision with my Father in 1989 and went through millions of thoughts in my head wondering what if? what if? Thank you for opening up to us...

~mike

 

[Abbe Osram]

Hi mate,
I am sorry to hear that you have to go through such a tuff situation.
As a forigner I am afraid not to have the right words to express myself to you.
But you have to know that we all think off you, open our hearts and embrace you in the best way we can. You are not alone and your suffering is our suffering. Some off us went already that dark road and had to come to terms with it and some will have to go through it. In the end we all have to face that road alone too.

You where NOT burdening us but gave all off us a chance to being brave enough to be honest and to open our hearts.

I pray that you find strenght in the light of Live, know that life is eternal. As a woodsman you know that the seed has to fall into the ground and a wonderfull tree will grow from it, a form will change but never gets lost in this universe.

God bless you
Abbe

 

[Buckshot]

Sorry to hear that Rich.
If I can help in any way, you know where I am
Just give me a shout.

Our thoughts are with you.

Mark

 

[Kane]

Well put Abbe.

Kane

 

[Greywolf]

My Thoughts are with you Rich.
Only be strong when you have to, it isn't good to 'hold yourself together' when you need to release.
I lost my Mum to cancer 2 short years ago, Thankfully (for her) the end came swiftly due to complications.
The last time I saw her I cried and said my farewells, I lived at the other end of the country and knew I wouldnt see her again.
My heart felt like it would burst when I heard the news, but I stoically held my lip stiff and carried on as 'normal'

When grief needs release, it will find a way. Go with it and let it carry you for a bit. It is natures way.

I wrote this poem when I was at my lowest point, I hope you dont mind me posting it here.

Adrift, like a ship without its anchor,
My guiding star, once so bright in the heavens of my life extinguished.
The safe harbour of childhood no longer there, washed away on a storm tide.
I am carried towards the rocks of despair on waves of mourning.
The love remains, yet tears flow where the laughter once formed sparkling pools.
My chart and my compass gone from my life, I must navigate my own course
Farewell Mum, Pilot of the deep waters of my formative years.

A year on from her death, I was moved to reread the poem. The anniversary triggered a need I suppose. while I read the words I had struggled to tell I wrote a new verse.

A year adrift, I have floated
But the gentle breeze of your life has guided my course
My safe harbour is rebuilt with blocks of sweet memory,
The waves tempered by its walls
The storm wracked coves of childhood, once more bright in the dawn
The tempest so great is abating, ‘tho showers of tears still flow.
Golden Memories are my chart, your love my compass, you still guide me.
Back at the helm I am standing, navigating calmer waters again

This is a community, we may never have met but you are my brother. I feel the pain of loss as if it were my own.
Take care of yourself

Greywolf

 

[anthonyyy]

May I offer my deepest condolences to you and your family at this difficult time.

Could we perhaps all remember the potential consequences of out behavior on the roads.

 

[NickBristol]

Rich

Sincerest condolences for your loss.

The inevitable loss of my own parents one day is something I dread and I can only hope that I manage those times with as much dignity, realism, respect, love and open-ness as you have.

Whatever your fears about the future, you do have the skills and ability to step up into the 'man of the family' role as you put it, but whatever you do, don't wall up your feelings about this - it will only tear you up later on down the line. I wish I'd had the courage to talk openly at the time when I lost 3 very close friends, in the end it took nearly 10 years to come out fully and to rid myself of a guilt I had no reason to carry.

Grief is personal but the support of friends is a universal comforter. You have many friends here, perhaps the majority, like me, you'll never meet. Don't be afraid you will bore people or that they will see you as weak for needing to talk or cry: the people on here understand nature, and it is in our nature to grieve when we need to help us move on.

 

[leon-1]

My condolences Rich, all the best to you and yours,

Leon.

 

[JayKay]

Rich,

My condolences to you and you're family in these hard times.

Jeroen

 

[Lithril]

Our condolences Rich, our thoughts are with you, Matt and Sam

 

[Motorbike Man]

Rich I'm so sorry to hear your news. I lost both my parents within 6 months of each other 5 years ago so I now what you're going through right now. If you feel like it might help, feel free to PM me about anything.

 

[Big Geordie]

So sorry to hear of your unexpected tragedy. It must have been a shock. I share what you say about the intensive care because my son was murdered in Sept. by blows to the head, and the roller coaster emotions. It balloons at what seems to be the strangest times because occasionally you wish people would stop being nice talking to you about it. Some friends try to ignore you cos they feel so bad they dont know what to say.. but at the time you wonder why they withdrew.
Toddy is right that the grief changes, it doesnt always go forward, sometimes you are dropped back into it. The important thing is that time still rolls on and so will your life and that of your family.
Rely on your friends, even new ones like me. Dont be strong all the time a good cry and a few rants at God and the universe, possibly out in the bush where people cant hear you is good for you. If you let it out, it is easier on all of you than trying to be brave.
There is excellent help at Cruse 0208 939 9530. There are good books if some of the family need you to work it through with them.
Take care of yourself and remember the good times.
George McBride

PM me anytime.

 

[Roving Rich]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, PMs, poems, emails and phone calls.
I'm overwhelmed at your kindness.

This truly is a remarkable community and you have made me exceedingly proud to be a part of it, just as you yourselves should be.
I'm sorry if I have opened a few old wounds with some of you, but I greatly appreciate your input. if we have done anything between us to prepare someone else for such an event then this thread has been worthwhile.

I'm fortunate that my Dad and me were on good terms when we parted. It was certainly not always so, and our disagreements seem very petty in hindsight. Thank goodness we had the sense put them aside.

Please do something for me, let those close to you, Kids, Parents, Grandparents and Friends, know that you love them and just how much they mean to you. Communication has never been easier than it is today, we have postal services, mobile phones and email. There is no excuse, don't just assume they will be there tomorrow. You never know whats around the next corner.

Thank you all again, your support has given me some firm foundation in a mire of emotions, from which to rebuild. I now know I only need to call out if I lose my way, and someone is there to reassure me.

Thank you so much.

Rich

 

[ssj]

You are brave to talk about it. Perhaps that's a way you can begin to cope with it.

I've lost both of my parents in the last few years and I think of them every day. In some ways they are more influential to me now than when they were alive.

Don't feel guilty about the way you feel about the loss. All of the emotions are inside you and will surface when appropriate. Just do your best to deal with it and don't worry about what you could have done or should have done. All of us could have done more but most of us just do the best they can to express their feelings to their loved ones when they were alive.

Very important-Take care of yourself first so you can help those around you to cope.

Steve

 

[Rebel]

This thread has brought tears to my eyes.

I don't have anything profound to add to it.

Although we've never met, and may never meet, I'd like to say how much everybody's words and kind thoughts to Rich, and his own thoughts, have touched me.

God bless you all.