Kids out of comfort zones

[Bothwell_Craig]

Beautiful (if a little bit chilly!!) winters day here so headed out with youngest, a mate and his two kids and my mates visiting friend + 2 boys.

Gave us an excuse to get the new DD Hammocks and Tarps up for a look. Mine and my mates kids are well used to traipsing about in the woods with us. They soon set to getting a fire going (new custom firesteels from santa you see) and whittling wood ready for damper bread twist that we'd made up before heading off.

The most suprising thing, or perhaps it shouldn't really be, was that as the darkness started to fall, while our kids sat in comfort by the fire baking bread, the "friends" two kids really started to freak out a bit at the the thought of not getting home through the woods and the chance of being "eaten" by something in the dark forest (They're 10 and 8).

Was all a bit sad really

 

[firecrest]

Its a shame when parents havent spent time educating their children They think its up to the schools, but school is in a class room, its parents jobs to spend time with children outside and, at the very least, educate them about their local environment and whats actually in it. On saying that though, many parents don't know themselves either.
If only we were lucky enough to still have beasts in the forest big enough to eat us eh!

 

[Mistwalker]

Well....I don't know about over there...but here it is often parents telling their children that "something out there will eat them" or inane crap like the "Boogie Man" will get them using scare tactics in their laziness to "control" their children rather than take the time to just tell them the truth. Very few places here will something actually eat you....though there are definitely still some places.

 

[Squidders]

they are right to fear... as children they depend on parents to protect them from other humans.

It's not sad, humans are more dangerous than any animal in this country... it's not easy to tell children that though.

 

[Wallenstein]

A friend of mine worked as a youth worker in central London for a bit. She took a bunch of tough inner city teenagers to the West Country - rural Dorset I think - and they freaked out because they'd never been anywhere that was properly dark... if you live in a city there is always a light source somewhere - streetlights, shop fronts etc - and it was enough to reduce these tough kids to tears.

There's someting very primal about dark woods that triggers something quite deep.

 

[drewdunnrespect]

your not wrong there squidders the woods is probally safer than any city even in bear country like canada cos the only real danger is humans

 

[Mistwalker]

But that's the worst part of what I am talking about..., these same parents will drop there children off at parties, parks, and malls all alone where children disappear every day and think nothing of it but tell them that they will get eaten out in the woods....I just find it rather odd.

 

[dogwood]

Children, like many young animals, have periods that mammal behaviorists call "fear periods" where they are prone to excessive and irrational worry. The belief is that this part of developing survival skills.

Be that as it may, here is what I found with my own kids:

1) the LED lantern is your friend for kids in the dark woods. If they get spooked, turn it on and the light helps, even if you've already got a campfire going (here in western US the number of state parks where you can have a campfire is dwindling as we are ravaged with wildfires).

An LED lantern weighs just a few ounces and gives scared kids comfort -- heck, my teenage daughter still has a moments when she gets spooked in the back country because the woods are so much darker than the city. A lantern in better than a flashlight because it illuminates a whole area.

2) Weapons. Arm them against the hidden nasties! As you said, the kids where whittling. Any kid in the woods should have a knife to protect themselves from imagined threats (and build skills). When I was a kid I was sure that there wasn't a beast in America that couldn't be brought down with a few deft strokes from my Case pocket knife... It was my Vorpal blade...

But teach them to make an atlatl -- it can be done inside of 45 minutes in most woods -- and then explain to them how for 100,000+ years we've been using them to bring down the largest game in the world.

Give a kid of 8 or 10 a distance weapon and they're be BEGGING for the bogeyman to come so they can give him what-for. Harden the dart tips in the fire and they'll be properly set cave children, ready for any unseen beast.

Besides, a kid who feels he/she can cope with the world is a happy and secure kid.

From the sounds of thinks those two boys are well on their way and have great dads!

 

[BOD]

I still have a scar above my ankle where a friend got me with his spear 45 years ago!

I don't think its the bogeyman who is going to end up injured.

Better a thrusting spear than a javelin

 

[Eric_Methven]

2) Weapons. Arm them against the hidden nasties! As you said, the kids where whittling. Any kid in the woods should have a knife to protect themselves from imagined threats (and build skills). When I was a kid I was sure that there wasn't a beast in America that couldn't be brought down with a few deft strokes from my Case pocket knife... It was my Vorpal blade...

But teach them to make an atlatl -- it can be done inside of 45 minutes in most woods -- and then explain to them how for 100,000+ years we've been using them to bring down the largest game in the world.

Give a kid of 8 or 10 a distance weapon and they're be BEGGING for the bogeyman to come so they can give him what-for. Harden the dart tips in the fire and they'll be properly set cave children, ready for any unseen beast.

Unfortunately the likely outcome of doing the above in this country will be the parents getting locked up and the kids taken into care by social services.

Eric

 

[Squidders]

But that's the worst part of what I am talking about..., these same parents will drop there children off at parties, parks, and malls all alone where children disappear every day and think nothing of it but tell them that they will get eaten out in the woods....I just find it rather odd.

Lets face it, a lot of these missing children are found in woodland... or sometimes, probably never found in woodland.

Our ancestors that feared nothing are the ones who died... fear makes us chemically ready for fight or flight and it's a critical survival skill. I would bet that dragging a child from a remote tribe and plonking him in central london would have a similar effect.

Sometimes I get spooked and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end... I can't control it happening but as an adult I have learned to work through it.

It is a bit weird that parents do the things they do to children... it's all playing the odds though.

 

[firecrest]

I dont care how much fear is a natural reaction in children. Being afraid something will EAT them is pure ignorance, and we should stop making excuses for the poverty of knowledge our children possess today. Note the kids were not afraid of meeting a dangerous man, but afraid of being eaten. By what?

 

[firecrest]

Incidentally, when Im spooked in the woods, I reactively turn lights OFF not on. This isnt a learned response either.

 

[HillBill]

Incidentally, when Im spooked in the woods, I reactively turn lights OFF not on. This isnt a learned response either.

That just creates the feeling of not being able to be seen, which really can help. I got used to the woods on my own through lamping where there are no lights most of the time. Its peaceful.

I took a friend out lamping once, he was bricking it in the woods, i was highly amused to say the least. He kept asking questions like, what if we see someone? etc. He was scared about bumping into a big nasty or something. In the end i just said to him, "look at it this way. If we do bump into someone at 1 in the morning in the woods 2 miles from the nearest house, who do you think will brick it, we're 2 big lads dressed in camo carrying guns?

He was always ok after that.

Kids should not be told its ok to be in the woods, dark or not. They should be shown its ok and encouraged to try it on their own one day. Mum and Dad are only a phone call away.

 

[Wallenstein]

I dont care how much fear is a natural reaction in children. Being afraid something will EAT them is pure ignorance, and we should stop making excuses for the poverty of knowledge our children possess today.

Tell that to these kids, or this family.

 

[Cobweb]

.

I took a friend out lamping once, he was bricking it in the woods, i was highly amused to say the least. He kept asking questions like, what if we see someone? etc. He was scared about bumping into a big nasty or something. In the end i just said to him, "look at it this way. If we do bump into someone at 1 in the morning in the woods 2 miles from the nearest house, who do you think will brick it, we're 2 big lads dressed in camo carrying guns?

lamo
very true.

Lots of kids get scared at night, it's just how it is. Think aback to when you were four or five and were convinced that the wardrobe was haunted? Can you remember taking a running jump into bed because you were sure that there was something waiting to grab your ankles under the bed?

Best to let them work it out themselves

 

[firecrest]

Tell that to these kids, or this family.

Those stories are from Germany and Tennesey . It would make sense to be afraid of animals attacking or eating you in countries where that is a possibility. It isnt a possibility in this country, or only an extreme small one in certain parts, such as the new forest where a few wild boar live. Im not saying its illogical for children to be scared, that is natural. But Ill state this again - If they think a wild animal is going to eat them then they have been poorly educated about the environment they live in.

 

[Toddy]

I so agree
I've worked country comes to the city days in Glasgow where I've met kids who don't know that nettles sting or that brambles are edible. Fruit doesn't really grow on trees you see, it comes from boxes
These same kids are the ones that grow up and think that a 'camp' at Loch Lomond is only for getting rat a**ed, and leave the world around them trashed. The same kids that think carrying a knife makes them 'hard' and yet never learn to use it properly, and the same kids that are told all about the bears in the woods and are terrified, and yet deal with the junkie and the dealer in the next close with total impunity.

A major part of the problem is that the adults who ought to be teaching them though are every bit as ignorant; and how do we change their worldview ?

cheers,
Toddy

 

[h2o]

kids who arent used to being in dark woodland will be scared.i dont see what the problem is, get em out more and get em used to the dark.

 

[dogwood]

I dont care how much fear is a natural reaction in children. Being afraid something will EAT them is pure ignorance, and we should stop making excuses for the poverty of knowledge our children possess today. Note the kids were not afraid of meeting a dangerous man, but afraid of being eaten. By what?

I don't think anyone here is advocating that the kids should live in ignorance, and I'm pretty sure that the original poster has taken pains to reassure them. After all, he said that he and his mate take the boys out often.

In my opinion -- as a father of two who has raised his kids in the outdoors -- one should understand that sometimes they'll be scared no matter how much knowledge they have.

And when that happens, the best approach is to take steps that foster a feeling of competence in dealing with surprises in the world. From this comes wisdom and strength and calm.

And I say this as a father who raised his kids in places where there ARE animals that can kill you (no matter how unlikely). But the same holds true if your kids will never see anything more perilous than a park playground.

Fear -- rational or irrational -- is best tamed by having a plan of action to respond. And bear in mind, irrational fear is entirely natural in children and -- by virtue of being irrational -- by definition it ignores the facts of the matter no matter how stridently an adult might provide them.

One *could* simply supply a couple of facts and tell them to quit whining because they're silly. However, that is an opportunity lost.

Learning how to deal with irrational fears with calm and a plan of action prepares a kid to deal with fully rational fears when life brings them dangerous circumstances later on.

This is necessary and crucial training. In fact, it is not unlike the kind of training soldiers have with mock battles. The imaginary conflict prepares you to deal with the real one.

To ignore the fear or ridicule it or to deem it unnecessary and/or silly is to miss out on an important part of raising children.