So, I have to spend the next thirty years in finding a job?
Thats very depressing.
The unemployment rate for people with AS is about 80%
the idea of me finding a job is a joke.
No tengu.... you have to spend the next few seconds actually realising that you're better than this. You're more than the sum of parts. You're destined for a greater you!
Let me tell you a little story. It's true because it's about me. I'll keep it as short as I can though, because I know that people get lost in the rant......
I grew up in a violent household. I got my bottom beat regularly by my father. So much so that one day, I was taken into social care. But it didn't get better for me. I fell right in with the delinquent crowd. I skipped school. I got myself arrested many times. I got expelled from school. The local cops knew me by sight. I became violent by nature and nuture.....
I finished my school age years with 5 GCSEs, all below a C except one, a B in English Literature. I had no direction in my life. My dad and mum were divorced, dad vanished into thin air and mum remarried and ignored me. I was alone. At 16 years old, I had nothing. No home, no education, no income.
My first thought was I needed a bed. So I asked a friend if I could sleep on his floor. I slept there every night for six months or so. Eating his food, drinking his water, no responsibilities. Easy life. But then I got depressed. Sure I didn't have to pay for nothing, I was living off my friends good will, but inside it hurt me.
I got a job. I collected glasses in a pub three nights a week, £15 a night. I had some money. I socialised. I started paying my friend rent. I paid for one meal a week. I realised that I could do SOMETHING. I felt better.
I went to the Job Centre. No qualifications, no experience. Noone would employ me. I asked around and I took a job as a labourer on a building site, cash in hand. I earned £100 a week. So I paid my friend more rent and contributed to food. I even had a little spare to pay for a few pints. So I felt better. But I was still living on my friends floor...
So I went back to the job centre. No qualifications. A bit of experience in hard graft and a friendly, chatty personality. After so many job applications I applied for a job as fruit and veg delivery boy. Got it. Start at 0530, finish at 1400. Every day... loading fruit and veg onto a truck then delivering it it local shops. Hard work. £220 a week and a whole tray of fruit and veg every Friday! How good was that eh?!
I rented my own place. A tiny bedsit. One room and a kitchenette. But it was only two streets back from the beach. I was winning!
All that took me from 16 years old to 19 years old. Holy **** I struggled. I begged at times, I cried, I hated myself. I took the notion of friendship to the limits. But I just knew that if I kept going, if I kept digging deeper and working harder, I would get there. And I did. By my mid 20s it was all good. I was married, still renting but it was all good. We weren't rich but I thought we were happy....
Nah, wife wasn't happy. We got divorced. I lost it all at 26. Homeless. Back to square one and living on a friends floor. So I did what I had always done. I dug deep. I worked hard. Still had a job so that was cool. Got myself another place to live. Got balanced. Found myself another girlfriend. All was good in the world. By now I was in my 30s.
Man I was soo happy. All working out. Nice enough house, happy in my job. We were talking about having kids. Then one day I was in a truck driving to work and it went off a bridge. Fully submerged upside down in a river. My friend opposite me drowned and died right before my eyes. Nothing i could do. But I lived. Why? I don't know why but I did. I've lived with that moment ever since. I held my breath and struggled to get him out but I couldn't. Eventually I had to let go.... it haunts me to this day.
It affected me deeply. I struggled with myself for a long time. Eventually I sought help. After a time I came to realise that life is all chance and the only thing that affects chance is choice. To make my life better I had to make choices. Hard ones at times, choices that made me question myself, question everything around me, turn my back on people who I thought I could trust and at times, ask my enemies for help. But one thing I am not is too proud to ask. I am not too stubborn to seek help and and I am not afraid to be bold. F*** chance. Be decisive. Make your own choices and be bold. You're not alone and more importantly, you're not the only one who has or is having it hard.
I haven't typed all this out just to be self-appreciating and I'm certainly not looking for anyone to give me words of soothing encouragement, so if you're thinking about it, don't bother. Thanks but im good.
Tengu, I write this because I want to show you that it ain't all that bad dude. You have an able body and an able mind. You have a myriad of choices. A myriad of decisions to make. You're not disabled. You don't have a terminal illness, you don't have a life changing injury. You are only limiting yourself by your own own choice.
To better yourself you have to be a better you.
(And by the way, I am now happily married with two great kids, three dogs, a van and I'm happy. Still working hard....)
GET AFTER IT TENGU
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