What makes one a gentleman?

[Wilderbeast]

It was once the case that a man could only be described as a gentleman if he was of a certain social status or wealth. This no longer being the case, what is it that makes the modern day man a gentleman?

For me I think the phrase that bests sums it up is "A gentleman is a man who makes a conscious effort to be a gentleman."

My interpretation of this is that a gentleman is someone who goes out of his way to do things that others may not bother to do. For example he goes out of his way to be polite and courteous, and has a good grasp of social etiquette.

I consider it a great compliment when someone calls me a gentleman, but what does it mean to you? I'm interested to hear your thoughts.

Wil

 

[Harvestman]

John Steed from The Avengers and the fictional detective Lord Peter Wimsey are my heroes.

Quote: "A gentleman never remembers anything that a woman says to him in anger. Or any other passion"

 

[bojit]

"A gentleman is a man who makes a conscious effort to be a gentleman."

Well i think thats me out then . lol

I thought it was a man of refinement , so i don't realy fit the bill.

Craig...............

 

[Wilderbeast]

I thought it was a man of refinement , so i don't realy fit the bill.

Craig...............

That's just it though I think it's more than that. I've met so many people who consider themselves refined and, although I despise the word "posh", but they were rude, crass and well very ungentlemanly!

 

[EdS]

http://www.thechap.net/

 

[bojit]

Being posh or from an upper class background dosn't make you a gentleman.

You could be from a broken home on the worst estate in the country with not a penny in your pocket and still be a gentleman!

Most people are very shallow and only see the person on the outside not the real gent inside.

Craig.............

 

[_mark_]

Good manners.

 

[Wilderbeast]

Being posh or from an upper class background dosn't make you a gentleman.

You could be from a broken home on the worst estate in the country with not a penny in your pocket and still be a gentleman!

Most people are very shallow and only see the person on the outside not the real gent inside.

Craig.............

That's exactly what I was trying to get at

 

[Oblio13]

Something Rudyard Kipling wrote seems applicable:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

 

[WeThePeoplexfbm]

pair of super tight skinny jeans? if not im out

 

[Elines]

Filling someone else's wine glass when yours still has some wine in it (never managed to achieve this exalted level myself though)

 

[Tadpole]

"A gentleman is a man who makes a conscious effort to be a gentleman."
I think it’s the exact opposite
A gentleman is a man who makes no conscious effort to be a gentleman; he is able, without thought, to do the right thing, at the right time, and know when, where, how, and to whom, exactly what the 'right thing' is for any situation at any given time.

 

[R.Lewis]

Respect. Both of yourself and others.

 

[Retired Member southey]

Knowing that there is a time and a place for everything.

 

[TeeDee]

For me I think the phrase that bests sums it up is "A gentleman is a man who makes a conscious effort to be a gentleman."
My interpretation of this is that a gentleman is someone who goes out of his way to do things that others may not bother to do. For example he goes out of his way to be polite and courteous, and has a good grasp of social etiquette.

Wil

That bit seems true in the context of the modern world , If you perform a Gentlemanly act you will be ( I fear ) in the minority. You will have to sometimes have moral strength and conviction of will to be different to many around you.

 

[TeeDee]

"A gentleman is a man who makes a conscious effort to be a gentleman."
I think it’s the exact opposite
A gentleman is a man who makes no conscious effort to be a gentleman; he is able, without thought, to do the right thing, at the right time, and know when, where, how, and to whom, exactly what the 'right thing' is for any situation at any given time.

But on the Flipside I also see what Toadflax is saying , to perform in a Gentlemanly way and to Act like a Gentleman are two different things , the traits of Gentlemanly conduct should not be staged or conducted just to be approved of or thought of as a Gentleman.
I guess It comes down to how you conduct yourself according to your own moral compass.

 

[johnboy]

It was once the case that a man could only be described as a gentleman if he was of a certain social status or wealth. This no longer being the case, what is it that makes the modern day man a gentleman?

Leaving the Seat down.....

 

[Melonfish]

Actually i think the idea of Gentlemen to be a somewhat outdated, in modern society where equality reigns and social status mean nought i don't think there's room for a man to define himself by the old standards.


@johnboy: actually i have a go at the wife for leaving the seat down, i mean why can't she leave it up?

 

[johnboy]

Actually i think the idea of Gentlemen to be a somewhat outdated, in modern society where equality reigns and social status mean nought i don't think there's room for a man to define himself by the old standards.


@johnboy: actually i have a go at the wife for leaving the seat down, i mean why can't she leave it up?

Simple courtesy to people is never out of fashion. Folk like other folk to be nice to them.

The simple act of holding open a door for someone goes a long way regardless of gender or PC I find...

 

[John Fenna]

Something Rudyard Kipling wrote seems applicable:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

My mother gave me a copy of that - after I had told her to "shut up and sit down!" when she was in a rage of frustration and anger at my older sister (a rebel at the best of times)/the fact my father was away on business/life in general...it was not that she was taking it out on (innocent!) me that got me annoyed (I could understand she needed to have a target to vent her feelings) but the fact she was deliberately smashing the best crocks to vent the anger. I was a young teenager at the time, living in a forign country and having my own probs and could see that my mother had problems too....
The next morning my mother went out and bought me a poster of the poem. I see the event as my first step into adult-hood.
Unfortunately the copy my mother gave me was lost in a house move but I still have a replacement hanging where I see it first thing every morning .
My mother is long dead but the poster is a constant reminder of her - in all her aspects!

As to what makes a gentleman - never deliberately making anyone feel uncomfortable in any way and striving to improve everyones day where and when one can - without thought of reward or praise.
Taint about fartin, swearin, or spittin in public - it is about NOT doing so if it might cause offence to ANYONE around you......