Loneliness for me is not defined by being alone (aloneness which is different to loneliness) but by whether I am content, for instance I can be very lonely in a large group of people if they have a different mind set to mine, but alone in the countryside I never feel lonely. I have lived on my own for many years now and rarely integrate with other people, I used to when I was younger but age has seen friends pass away and I have now lived a solitary life for years, this forum is about as social as I get. I am not unsociable its just that I am comfortable with not having people around me. This inevitably leads to accusations that there is something wrong with me from other people. After a long period of being alone going in to towns and supermarkets can be an overwhelming experience, somehow I feel lost in a fog of noise and I feel awkward in speaking like I have forget how to talk or something, its a suffocating claustrophobic feeling and i feel like i really stand out from the crowd but of course i dont. And another thing that irritates me is how people always hug each other nowadays when they meet, I just find it over the top, I greet people with nothing more than a handshake and feel really uncomfortable when someone wants to hug me just to say hello. I have found in groups there is usually one person that speaks louder than anyone else, and everyone seems to end up doing what that person wants. Being alone really liberates you to do exactly what you want without compromise, occasionally you get moments that are really overwhelming in their simple contentment like everything is perfect, I am not religious at all but such fleeting moments are almost like a spiritual feeling of complete harmony, you cant plan for them they just happen, and they always happen when you are on your own. Another thing most people cant keep quiet for more than thirty seconds, when people are together they feel a need to constantly talk, it doesnt matter what they are talking about just as long as they are talking, I personally find that irritating. I think it was Bill Tilman, though it may have been Wilfred Thesiger, that said the true meaning of compatible relationships is if you can sit in the same room with another person and still feel comfortable when you
don't talk. These days I am so comfortable in my own company to the extent that I often avoid the company of others, however I would say to others who feel lonely and miserable when alone to not fight it and just be happy with who
yuo are, if you prefer company then why make yourself unhappy, and there lies the secret. ---- What I have found is that contentment comes from the realisation of what you want from life, then sticking to it and not living life as other people expect you to, not as easy as it sounds because people will try to get you to live to their expectations not yours. ATB
