Night terrors - daughter recently turned 4 and started with them

[Xunil]

OK, this is a killer (for me) when Charlotte is 'awake' and screaming the place down, pointing at things coming through the walls that only she can see and looking at me as though I am one of the creepy crawlies off the Lord of the Rings.

It started a week or so ago and has only happened 3 times (so far).

It could be coincidence but there have been some serious issues with my former better half around that time.

The latest one was just a few minutes ago and she almost clawed my face off trying to get away from my as I was attempting to console and calm her. Clearly she didn't recognise me as her dad (I still have a lump in my throat about that) and I realise that technically she is basically asleep but, well, balls to the science.

Anyone been there and, if so, did anything you tried make a difference ?

I make sure the last 2 hours of every day are calm and quiet with number or letter games, jigsaws, drawing or stories. She goes to bed with strictly one story only, followed by me singing her to sleep (which is possibly enough to give anyone nightmares ) and both the story (Gruffalo, Stick Man et al) and songs are always very gentle and light, and nothing new has been introduced to her routine.

I know it can't be treated and that most children grow out of it almost as suddenly as they start, but how do you lot deal with it ?

 

[trekkingnut]

i used to get it when i was younger, had this weird thing happen where i was convinced everything was razor sharp and basically covered in pins! so id wake up screaming in pain, the bed would be hurting me etc someone would come in and give me a hug which would hurt just as much and then id slowly come out of it.... i think its something that goes with age and not a lot you can do about it.....

not a helpful post but just pointing out that im sure it happens more often than we realise!

 

[Roe Ring]

My daughter will be five in June and has been having regular nightmares for a year or so now. She went to see a snow white panto with school which started her being scared of witches. She seemes to be over the witch thing now, but still has an over-active imagination which gives her nightmare and normally results in her waking up frightened and running through to our room. I recall having terrible nightmares as a kid and they just stopped as I got older.

You could try rearranging her room; I've heard that can help. Good luck and please let me know if you find the magic cure.

RR

 

[Ivan Owen]

The latest theory on dreams (which actually sounds pretty reasonable) is that they're a kind of 'teaching aid' and are there to prepare us for bad situations; as in we've experienced something once in a dream so we'll cope a bit better in real life.
At her age (if im correct) her mind will just be starting to properly develop (i.e. shes developing things like awareness of other people being people and stuff; im not saying she didnt have a mind) which could explain the night terrors starting now.
I think its a comforting thought that they're part of her development and are actually benefiting her.

Might be a good time start teaching her stuff; shes at a very receptive state.

 

[Trev]

Heyho,
I hold my daughter tight and walk around the house and garden ( outside works better as there are no barriers ) until either she falls back asleep or wakes up proper , in which case I tell a story or play with dolls for a bit , Then go back to bed .
Trev .

 

[tenderfoot]

yes, they do grow out of it.But when my eldest was doing it we were advised by someone :-either the family dr. or some other health professional to try the following -which worked. We hadnt heard of this before and we are both nurses.
Stick to your usual routine which sounds ideal. after she has settled and gone off to sleep at about 20- 30 mins after this go back in , gently rouse her and when she wakens give her cuddle/reassurance and settle her down again. we found that this reduced the incidence of the terrors significantly though not completely.apparently its something to do with stages of sleep The Rem or "rapid eye movement" stage though i never fully researched it.There was a whole series on the telly recently a bout sleep disturbence and it was fascinating and bizarre stuff.however tis ciommon in kids and passes so dont worry too much and dont beat yourself up about it being your fault as it is probably unrelated to any issues between you and you prev. other half.

 

[Shewie]

Poor kid, sounds horrible for her

Hope you get something sorted for her soon enough

 

[plastic-ninja]

My son had the same thing at about 4 too.He used to walk and rant incoherently then break down
and sob unconsolably for a few minutes.His mum used to stroke his hair and make soothing noises
whereas I used to wake him up and then spend half an hour getting him back to sleep again.
Both these methods seemed to be equally effective but I have since been told by "experts" that I
should not have woken him as it can be traumatic.It lasted about 3 or 4 months although it seemed longer
at the time.Hang in there and just keep loving her : it's all you can do I think.
On a positive note my son is now 12 and sleeps like he's been sedated!I'm sure he has some cat DNA.
Cheers , Simon

 

[Ronnie]

I used to get them - I'm pretty sure they're basically some kind of temporal lobe seizure but I have no evidence or scientific evidence to that assertion. Talking was always the cure for me. My dad used to take me outside if it was warm enough, look at the stars ad the sea and just talk to me none stop, smiling and reassuring all the time. I basically thought I was dead.

Talk your head of at her, smile, don't show your fear - she'll come out of it

 

[RonW]

Hi Xunil
As a father of 3, the youngest turning 5 in may, all I can say is one of those growing-upfases and that it indeed will pass. I know it's no fun time and yes, as a parent you sure do feel helpless and frustrated.

We had similar problems with both our girls, but our youngest was the toughest. We couldn't wake her up either, so we sat down with her, put her on our lap, back to chest and gently talked her back into our world. Sometimes we even had to keep her arms still, preventing her from punching us in the face. I actually tried calling her back to me, out of the dreamworld and in to reality.
For us this worked and usually she was back within a few minutes. The aftermath, calming down enough to go back to sleep could last a lot longer, up to an hour.

She'll grow out of it, you all loose sleep and then you go into the next fase.
Parenting is one of the toughest jobs you can have.... and the most gratifying.

Good luck for you all!

 

[Xunil]

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Last night Charlotte had another episode not long after she went over to sleep, so I may try the method mentioned by tenderfoot where she should be woken up perhaps half an hour after going over to sleep and then put back over again.

Once I settled her down she zonked out for the rest of the night without incident.

While she was screaming the place down she more or less tried to crawl up and over me to get away from what only she could see. I don't mind saying it raised the hairs on the back of my neck a bit aside from being very upsetting.

I asked her this morning what happened last night and she became very subdued and spoke in a low voice, describing 'sharp, spiky walls' closing in on her and a 'nasty dark little man with sharp teeth and an axe'.

My former better half let her watch the Lord of the Rings recently - I'd put money on this being a 'dream' about orcs, Gollum and dungeon walls...

I reassured her this morning that I would never allow anything nasty to come into the house and made a big joke about me having a bigger bow and arrows, and a better sword, and that I could do Kung Fu (which she is starting to learn from me) all of which meant nothing would ever come here and I would keep her safe.

I guess it's handy sometimes, being as big as I am with two black belts and enough weaponry to keep your average Uruk-Hai very busy

She seemed reassured and started laughing, saying that daddy would 'kung fu the baddie men' or keep them away with my bow or sword, so maybe this is the start of progress in the right direction.

I just hate the fact that she is trying to get away from things only she can see and she doesn't even know me or respond to my presence when this happens. Maybe I should help her to make a dream catcher as a craft project, and explain what it will do for her. She would probably enjoy it (beads, feathers and whatnot) and it may help reassure her.

 

[poddle]

There are sleep conditions where the person is actually totally asleep, but appears to be wide awake, could there be an element of that in there somewhere?

The general response here though is that its pretty normal, and will pass with time. AS a kid I used to get nightmares after seeing scary films, but this was only until I was 22

Poor little mite, I hope she passes through quickly and can carry on with life as before

 

[andybysea]

My middle daughter has had them for the last 16month's and me and the misses have had 2 nights in bed together since it started,weve had professional help,and weve had people round the house to talk to my daughter and nothing has worked,we just hope one day she will grow out of them.(agree with poddle sometimes she appears awake but you can tell she's not if you know what i mean,eyes open but no one there!)

 

[addo]

Hope she starts to sleep better soon, we have plenty of nightmares with our 5 Year old sometimes with out waking properly, but not as bad as your fella.
The thread has been useful as I could happen. At the mo I normally talk and hold gently till alls well.

 

[Biker]

God that must break your heart being thought of as the bad guy in her dreams. Don't know what to say really, you sound as though you're getting on top of it with the reassurance talks and the trick Tenderfoot suggested.

I hope they pass soon as well as for your daughter too andybysea. Sorry to read it's not such a rare thing after all.

My two daughters didn't have such things, but they did have nightmares now and then, thankfully those were just ordinary nightmares not night terrors.

Good luck to all concernd in this thread.

 

[EmmaD]

People should not confuse night terrors with nightmares. Two very different things. You may need to contact the doctor about this as they are utterly terrifying and deep seated psychological episodes. I had them for about two years starting when I was fourteen. These are not scary dreams, but actually intensely terrifying experiences. If they happen more than a couple of times a week and increase, consult a doctor.

She won't be seeing you at all though in these episodes, you are in such a very deep sleep when they happen, you can only see what is happening in your mind and not what is in front of you. I know that does not help much, but it will not be you she is terrified off as she will be unable to know you are there until she wakes from her subconcious.

Hope it subsides soon.

Emm xxx

 

[Xunil]

She just had another one

I ran upstairs to try and comfort her and she screamed when she saw me and tried to run and hide in the spare bedroom, wide-eyed and fending off things only she can see.

That's a hard one to handle, and I'm still trying to give myself a good talking to and get myself back on a level.

It's exactly as Emma describes when she says:

"She won't be seeing you at all though in these episodes, you are in such a very deep sleep when they happen, you can only see what is happening in your mind and not what is in front of you"

I don't mind admitting I'm struggling with this - it's a heart breaker.

If it continues throughout the coming week I'm calling our GP.

I was tempted to go up to the cottage with her for a few days but on the one hand a change may do her good and on the other it may just compound the problem further.

She's just turned four, and I can't help her.

That sucks.

Big time.

I can feel a long session on the punchbag coming on tomorrow morning, after she goes to school...

 

[_scorpio_]

im lucky enough to have never had them or witnessed them. i just used to think myself into being miserable and upset, as early as 6 years old i would stay up terrified thinking about death. luckily this was controllable by reading books to keep me from thinking about this, and it actually caused me to read vast amounts of books at an early age.
night terrors sound awful, and would be a very big problem if it happened to me, a lot of stuff in my room is sharp!
i assume you get stronger and overcome night terrors, but maybe a little bit of help (psychiatrist or something) could speed it up and help her overcome it quicker?

 

[zarkwon]

I don't know much about the subject but I have a young boy and can imagine how hard it must be to deal with for you all. Would having her go to sleep with you in your bed before maybe being transferred to her own once asleep give her a greater feeling of protection/comfort as she is going to sleep? I hope it abates quickly and I think professional help is the way to go mate.

 

[DavidJT]

Son (6) has never had them, but sound awful to see them in that state.
How is she in the morning? Does she remember or seem disturbed by the episode?
Hope they pass soon, but the rousing after 20-30 mins sounds like a good tip.