Messages to Santa

[Pablo]

Dear Santa,

I know you visit this site and probably login under a pseudonym. I'm sure a few of us might like to leave their messages for you. Here's mine.

I’ve been very good this year. I’ve done all the domestic chores asked of me and I’ve worked hard. I’ve helped old ladies across the road and re-homed several sick animals.

I know I’ve got some bushcraft clothing, but to be honest, it is all cheap stuff I got from the surplus shop or the market (except for my camo tracking jacket of course.)

There are just a couple of things I’d really like this Christmas to keep me a little bit warmer when out bushcrafting. Now, I’m not greedy, so just one from the list will do fine.

Swanndri Ranger shirt

Ullfrotte 200g crew neck base-layer shirt

Or if you think I really deserve it:

Snowsled classic ventile jacket

I have provided links to the best UK prices so you can get more toys for all the little children in the world.

Many thanks,

Pablo in Essex.

PS I still believe

PPS I won’t drink your glass of sherry this year

 

[Greg]

I hope you get what you wish for Pablo!

 

[C_Claycomb]

I hate to break it to you but....

Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective

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There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau).



At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.


This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.


Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.


This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a Poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.


On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them, Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons


Traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance-this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.


Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs.

Merry Christmas.

 

[Matt Weir]

as long as you believe

 

[fred gordon]

So What! Since Santa is magic all those facts don't apply! What a party pooper Avert your eyes Santa don't think we all feel that way about you!!!

 

[Greg]

You just don't believe in the magic of Christmas and the magic elven dust which makes Santa's deliveries all possible DO YOU Mr Claycombe! Are you a distant relative of Scrooge by any chance?

 

[perpetualelevator]

The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip

The reindeer can dissipate their built up heat during the brief stops. The antlers form an advanced biological heat sink. And Santa can replace the incinerated members of the team with backups his elves have been caching at strategic locations around the world. His experiments with genetically engineering a nose-mounted energy-absorption module resulted in ridicule to the subject deer, and were not reproducible.

 

[oops56]

Well it likes this if there is a Santa also there is UFOs [ And that's the bottom line cause Steve Austin says so ]:werd:

 

[DoctorSpoon]

And Santa can replace the incinerated members of the team with backups his elves have been caching at strategic locations around the world.

... and the char-grilled reindeer is vital nutrition to counterbalance all the mince pies and sherry!

 

[bushyboo]

I think Mr Claycombe has been a naughty boy and is not getting anyting for crimbo

 

[crazyclimber]

So Santa's even more impressive than i thought!!

 

[C_Claycomb]

....Are you a distant relative of Scrooge by any chance?

I'm an aerospace engineer...

 

[British Red]

Hmm surely though I see no factor of the twins experiment. If Santa can fly fast enough, time itself will be distorted allowing more time (relative to the point of observation). Experiments with atomic clocks (conducted by real physicists not mere engineers ) have proven that time is relative and adjusted by relative velocity. Through extension, if time is relative, with sufficient velocity, Santa has all the time he needs (even including acceleration and deceleration). Therefore, on the assumption of sufficient velocity, Santa can extend time so that time relative to any given earth location is inifinite. Ergo Santa can deliver as many presents as he wishes in any given amount of time relative to a static position

QED

Red

 

[Eric_Methven]

Hmm surely though I see no factor of the twins experiment. If Santa can fly fast enough, time itself will be distorted allowing more time (relative to the point of observation). Experiments with atomic clocks (conducted by real physicists not mere engineers ) have proven that time is relative and adjusted by relative velocity. Through extension, if time is relative, with sufficient velocity, Santa has all the time he needs (even including acceleration and deceleration). Therefore, on the assumption of sufficient velocity, Santa can extend time so that time relative to any given earth location is inifinite. Ergo Santa can deliver as many presents as he wishes in any given amount of time relative to a static position

QED

Red

Yup, or it might just be the fairy dust. Fairy Nuff?

Eric

 

[Toddy]

Oh no! :11doh: ....it's pantomime time



Toddy

 

[Greg]

I'm an aerospace engineer...

Yes But are you a distant relative of Scrooge?

 

[jojo]

Well, if Superman can do it, ie fly round the earth really fast backward to slow the planet and therefore time (I KNOW he can do it, I saw his promotional videos) , all Father Xmas has to do is the exact same thing. That would give him all the time he needs to delivery pressies to everyone who deserves them, he would not need to hurry or suffer by having to rush so there..

I still have a little grasp of reality, even at my age

 

[British Red]

Oh no! :11doh: ....it's pantomime time



Toddy

Look out Toddy - HE'S BEHIND YOU!



Red

 

[John Fenna]

And what is wrong with Scrooge? Last year I walked that mile in his shoes and he seemed a great guy - gave prezzies all round (you should see the size of turkey he gave to the Cratchets!) and if you read the book you will see that "if any man knew how to keep christmas it was he!" A thouroughly maligned man!
This year I am walking the mile in the shoes of "Old Tumbleweed" in The Attic Theatre Newcastle Emlyn and although he habitually carries a 6 shot fire arm, is a force for good - and a regular party animal!
Be there or be Square!
Santa is The Boss!

 

[Greg]

Look out Toddy - HE'S BEHIND YOU!



Red

Oh no he isn't....