Lessons for the Children

[TeeDee]

I'm not a parent.

I am interested however in what potential lessons parents may pass down to their children or a least try and how they do that beyond and out of the school system.

Now I don't mean such things as ' Be Kind ' , ' Love animals ' or ' Don't be a s##t ' - I kinda take these as a given.

What I mean is , how do you as an example - teach or try to pass lessons on ( example ) basic decision making - finance , chores , independence , thinking differently ,confidence , pocket money expectations and management ( if that occurs ) etc

Now - I do believe children should have a childhood so I'm not suggesting children should have additional pressure and expectations based upon them. But.... I do think certain very important lessons can be imparted by close family and childhood mentors.


So as I am assuming that there is no instruction manual provide when one becomes a parent - how do you do these things? or do you replicate ( or change?? ) your own child hood experience?

 

[The Frightful]

Basic First Aid, Swimming, Self Defence, not offence, Cooking and generally being able to look after themselves should the need arise
Good thread T D

 

[TeeDee]

Basic First Aid, Swimming, Self Defence, not offence, Cooking and generally being able to look after themselves should the need arise
Good thread T D

Thank you

To get the ball rolling a little - do parents give their children pocket money unconditionally? or are there chores related to that? Can they 'earn' extra via more chores?

Is there expectations or is it provided without ? at what point is pocket money provided and is it set? same amount per week? At what point is it stopped being provided?

 

[Man of Tanith]

I started pocket money with Jake around ten. Unconditionally to begin with, now that he's twelve there's a few conditions to ensure it -no plates/glasses left in room, room tidy, bin emptied once a week. Nothing strenuous and also importantly nothing related to his performance at school, I feel that is too much pressure with the vast amount of stuff the school already expects.
He can earn more if he does other chores.
Shannon used to wash my car to get more money but sadly at 21 and working a job my car no longer gets washed.

 

[Mesquite]

With me I wanted to make sure my kids could cook simple family meals which included them deciding what to cook and all the prep it involved. I also expected them do their laundry and help out around the house.

The simple stuff that a lot of kids often don't know how to do when they leave home for uni etc.

 

[Man of Tanith]

Not just uni, I had to work that all out on my Tod!
I'm trying to help both kids learn budgeting and the merits of saving some of their money as they go along.
Also the concept of doing work before the last minute to save on stress/worry/pressure so homeworks encouraged to be done as soon as they can incase they hit unexpected bumps.

 

[TeeDee]

I guess the gist is teaching/passing on real-world skills

How to read bus/train timetables etc

I think it would be a great experience for a child to get them involved in the booking and or research of a family holiday - when do we need to be where, on what date, when is our connection etc


But like I say , not a parent just wish I had mentor style lessons earlier in my life

 

[Broch]

I guess the gist is teaching/passing on real-world skills

How to read bus/train timetables etc

I'd have to master that myself first!

I think, providing children are involved with home life, they pick up a lot anyway. It's only if parents have a 'this is adult stuff only' attitude that kids are left in the dark.

Now I'm a grandfather I can be far more selective in what I teach the kids - archery, short-stick and quarterstaff, fire lighting, whittling, foraging ....

But, I do agree, a child should leave home capable of making financial decisions and be able to draw up a budget - teaching them to have the will power to stick to it would be difficult as I never had it!

 

[Man of Tanith]

I'd have to master that myself first!

I think, providing children are involved with home life, they pick up a lot anyway. It's only if parents have a 'this is adult stuff only' attitude that kids are left in the dark.

Now I'm a grandfather I can be far more selective in what I teach the kids - archery, short-stick and quarterstaff, fire lighting, whittling, foraging ....

But, I do agree, a child should leave home capable of making financial decisions and be able to draw up a budget - teaching them to have the will power to stick to it would be difficult as I never had it!

Grandads should help grandchildren get upto mischief they haven't thought of yet.
My grandad was a massive influence on my passion for the outdoors.


Re the willpower, I'm still learning this myself

 

[TLM]

When we as family traveled while kids in early teens I put them to navigate airports sometimes on roads etc. When intertubes became common did some guerilla lessons in informatics like introducing a Thesaurus. So far seem to have worked ...

 

[dwardo]

Pass on your mistakes as much as your successes.

Martial arts has also played a massive part of my lads upbringing. Even if one were to completely throw away the self defence side of things it is still a huge benefit for many aspects of life. One of the proudest moments of my life was when my lad got his junior black belt after a two day exam of 5 hours a day, never gave up once and even had to re-do some of his tasks in front of everyone to make them perfect.

I am always very reluctant to hand out advice to other parents as my test group (two kids) isn't what I would call a large test group and I may just be lucky

 

[Scottieoutdoors]

Not a parent, but my assumptions/handbook, should I be one, will be based pretty much on what I experienced.
I got into martial arts, my dad was into it as a young adult and felt there were plenty of benefits - discipline, respect, order to things and of course fitness and the obvious self defence aspects...so I'd try and encourage that.

Pocket money for me was earned through various chores - mowing a lot of grass for one, bringing wood in to an indoor wood store, as well as stacking it by the fire etc, locking the chickens up at night - although I'll admit, sometimes it was late and it was dark and I was a bit too chicken myself to go and do it.... Basically I suppose I just became a member of the family team and it was a case of doing various tasks that were asked in order to help everyone involved.

One thing I would have loved and will try if I have kids is teaching another language at an early age. The Scandinavians tend to focus on languages at an early age (because communication is the first thing people try to get kids to do), so they follow that more than maths (UK style)...

 

[TeeDee]

So do people think its better for a child to have pocket money in exchange for very basic chores?

I ask as I wonder if the adage of ' Nothing freely received is valued ' maybe true - I don't know how one builds an entrepreneurial mindset / ethos - but I wonder how many were built off of free pocket money?

 

[TLM]

One thing I would have loved and will try if I have kids is teaching another language at an early age.

My kids went to an English speaking class for the first 9 grades. A definite plus for them, both seem to pick up additional ones almost on the go.

So big + for that.

 

[Man of Tanith]

Something that happened last night got me thinking.
Setting the scene, it's 23:40, I'm just drifting off, daughter calls me- can you pick me up from trainstation (30min drive away) the next train home is two hours before it leaves.
Dutifully I get up, dress, drive there, sit and wait for twenty minutes then take her back to trainstation in our town where she left her car.

What I've taught her is if she gets stuck she can rely on me to come and rescue her.

 

[Broch]

Something that happened last night got me thinking.
Setting the scene, it's 23:40, I'm just drifting off, daughter calls me- can you pick me up from trainstation (30min drive away) the next train home is two hours before it leaves.
Dutifully I get up, dress, drive there, sit and wait for twenty minutes then take her back to trainstation in our town where she left her car.

What I've taught her is if she gets stuck she can rely on me to come and rescue her.

Yep, I never, ever, told my children off for calling me out at any hour if they needed it. Sadly, some children grow up not being able to rely on their parents being there

Independence is great, but having support and knowing you can rely on others (and when to do so) is also important.

 

[Woody girl]

Having a partner who is on the same page as you when it comes to important matters such as discipline, is important. If one parent is much more easy going when it comes to misbehaving, it causes confusion as to how they should behave, and they quickly learn how to manipulate the weaker parent, and it sets up tensions between the child and stronger parent.
Single parents have a difficult job, as you have to be both mum and dad, and I don't think one can easily do both jobs. Though many do succeed, so kudos to them. It's much harder having to make all the decisions with no one to discuss the situation, and get a happy medium.
When my son wanted a cat, I said he had to sort out what toys he no longer wanted, we went to a boot sale, and sold them to raise the money( with the added bonus of a toy clear out) and he paid for his rescue cat. He had to buy the food out of his pocket money, so that left him short, so I encouraged him to do jobs for neighbours to earn extra. Which taught him that you had to make an effort to get what you wanted, and nothing came free, then he stopped doing the jobs, but still seemed to have money, turned out, his dad was quietly subbing him so he didn't have to do the work, which up untill then, had given him confidence and independence .
So that caused tensions that had never been there before, and undermined life lessons for my son.
if you don't agree with your partner, talk about it together, and provide a united front.
Don't undermine your partner.
This may seem obvious, but its an easy mistake for stressed, or lazy parents to make, for the sake of peace and quiet, ....it blows up sooner or later in the end.

 

[Scottieoutdoors]

Actually I think @Woody girl and others have said it perfectly, communication and the ability to communicate is the most important thing. I don't know how to teach it, but I guess kids need to know how to figure things out and even struggle with figuring things out, but equally know that if a task is impossible or dangerous then they can communicate with their family safely... and obviously parents need to communicate with each other.

My folks were 9/10 on the same wavelength with most things... naturally kids learn which parent to ask which question, but they were united which I think made things easier for them... we knew as kids that if we caused agro for one parent, we weren't going to deal with the fallout of just that one parent....apparently they communicate and a b******ing could come from every direction

@TLM Huomenta! It was actually my Finnish friend who told me about languages in Finland and how it's pushed from an early age. It's a very good idea and as an English person, not being multi, or bilingual is one thing I truly regret.....however, no time like the present to learn, i just have to pull my finger out!

 

[TeeDee]

Yep, I never, ever, told my children off for calling me out at any hour if they needed it. Sadly, some children grow up not being able to rely on their parents being there

Independence is great, but having support and knowing you can rely on others (and when to do so) is also important.

Yes ALSO important. But One you can guarantee ( by providing it ) the other can surely take a hand in developing.

I only mention this as the old adage of giving a fish alongside teaching the person you've given the fish actual fishing lessons and then saying ' If you ever can't fish, I have fish for you'

 

[Van-Wild]

We have taught our kids to understand the value of things. Everything in life has a price, monetary or otherwise. We have brought our kids up to be independent and confident.

I have taught both my kids to have situational awareness. My son has regular training in Muay Thai and Grappling. He competes in both. My daughter really isn't interested in it so I've gone more into situational awareness with her.

They're taught that in order be respected, they must be respectful. That lesson was taught to me by my grandfather.



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