You know me folks sorta lighthearted and jokey. Well this posting is far from that vein.
I happened to be spending the evening last night just mooching about online and found on a random US Hunting forum a thread title that caught my eye.
My intention is not to depress you but hopefully show you just how fortunate we are, despite the kickings life can give us. It's certainly given me a fresh perspective.
It began like this:
I'm dying.
No $hit.
I'm laying here at Harris Hospital in Fort Worth Texas realizing my final days are upon me. It started back in April when I was diagnosed with stage IVLymphoma cancer.
Couldn't just be normal Lymphoma, it had to be Burkitt's lymphoma. And a rare one at that. It's what's called a triple hit Burkitt's. Meaning there are three bad chromosones they have to fight.
Basically it's a fast growing tumor they throw everything at. We started with Chemo called Hyper/Cvad....one of the strongest doses of chemo they have. The tumor responded and went from 22cm to 8.4 cm then got ****** off and started growing again. They took me off Chemo and Sent me to MD Anderson in Houston to be on a clinical trial. I tried that and the tumor got bigger after a month so they kicked me off and sent me back.
Now I'm laying here with this huge belly, a bad prognosis, and hooked to what they call "salvage" chemo. It doesn't look good. Basically if this chemo does not shrink the tumor I am going to die.
If it does shrink the tumor, then I have to have a bone marrow transfusion immediately to help fight the cancer. There will be a small window of opportunity and we have to find a donor match.
I"ve gone from a 32 inch waist to almost a 44". I know what a pregnant woman feels now.......you cannot get comfortable no matter what position you lie in.
My back is killing me, I'm tired, exhausted, I can't eat without throwing iit back up and I have not pooped in three days because the tumor is wrapped around my intestines.
I'm only 45 years old and not ready to die. But here I lay wondering *** happened and how did this happened. For the first time in my life I'm actually afraid.
9 years in the Army I served. I'm proud of that. I went to college and got a degree.........I have a beautiful family........I guess I've had a good life.,
I've shot more deer than most people have seen over the years.......hell I have killed lots of animals over the years. $hit loads of doves.......
I can't even think about the number of bullets I've fired over the years. It would be funny to see that mountain of brass. We would all smile and be proud and say "damn Jeff, you have a trigger finger left?"
The mountain of brass would shade my two story house. I can be proud of that.
I have an 8 year old son I have not taught much too. I've been pretty sick all year. He has a chipmunk rifle ready to go......Dad just needs to get better......and there are days I can barely get off the couch I'm so sick.
Will somebody teach him when I'm gone? I sure hope so.....he's a good kid and if he's got some of his Dad in him he's gonna be a damn good shot.
Yes....these are the words of a truly dying man. I don't think I'll have any regrets.........I've always wanted to work on a project car.....you know......rebuild an old classic. 65 mustang or 72 Chevy pickup...
If I get better that's what I want to do. Chances are small and slim though and I think I finally realized that tonight. The nurses act different around me. They look sad.......they must have read my chart and seen my prognosis. It's in their eyes and faces. They won't look me in the eye......and I've been coming here for months for treatment.
Things feel different......they know. They just are not saying.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm scared..........I do know that. I guess if I had a shoulder to cry on right now I would.
Well I'll just dump this here in General Discussion and let the ball roll.
I'm in room 700 if you got a shoulder. 7th floor Harris tower..
One small good thing that has come out of this is someone began a raise money fund for people to contribute towards. The target was $20,000 and at 9pm last night GMT it was $19.800. I noticed this morning it's at $30,700. I'm pretty sure it's not some sob story or some scam cooked up by this man posting it, as he seems to be a regular respected poster on that forum with 2000+ postings and has been member there since 2011. There are also photos of him with some of the visitors that went to see him in his hospital bed to offer that shoulder.
The rest of the thread postings that followed aren't "Feel sorry for you mate" but they are genuinely engaging him on to share some good experiences in his life to lift his spirits. It was really very touching to read. I stopped after a while feeling like I was snooping into something very personal, like a close family's grief.
Anyway just wanted to do as this man has done and just dump it here in Other Chatter and let the ball roll. Do with it as you will. Like I said my intention posting this is NOT to depress you but to make you look at things differently as it has with me.
Thanks for your time reading this far.
Aaron
I happened to be spending the evening last night just mooching about online and found on a random US Hunting forum a thread title that caught my eye.
My intention is not to depress you but hopefully show you just how fortunate we are, despite the kickings life can give us. It's certainly given me a fresh perspective.
It began like this:
I'm dying.
No $hit.
I'm laying here at Harris Hospital in Fort Worth Texas realizing my final days are upon me. It started back in April when I was diagnosed with stage IVLymphoma cancer.
Couldn't just be normal Lymphoma, it had to be Burkitt's lymphoma. And a rare one at that. It's what's called a triple hit Burkitt's. Meaning there are three bad chromosones they have to fight.
Basically it's a fast growing tumor they throw everything at. We started with Chemo called Hyper/Cvad....one of the strongest doses of chemo they have. The tumor responded and went from 22cm to 8.4 cm then got ****** off and started growing again. They took me off Chemo and Sent me to MD Anderson in Houston to be on a clinical trial. I tried that and the tumor got bigger after a month so they kicked me off and sent me back.
Now I'm laying here with this huge belly, a bad prognosis, and hooked to what they call "salvage" chemo. It doesn't look good. Basically if this chemo does not shrink the tumor I am going to die.
If it does shrink the tumor, then I have to have a bone marrow transfusion immediately to help fight the cancer. There will be a small window of opportunity and we have to find a donor match.
I"ve gone from a 32 inch waist to almost a 44". I know what a pregnant woman feels now.......you cannot get comfortable no matter what position you lie in.
My back is killing me, I'm tired, exhausted, I can't eat without throwing iit back up and I have not pooped in three days because the tumor is wrapped around my intestines.
I'm only 45 years old and not ready to die. But here I lay wondering *** happened and how did this happened. For the first time in my life I'm actually afraid.
9 years in the Army I served. I'm proud of that. I went to college and got a degree.........I have a beautiful family........I guess I've had a good life.,
I've shot more deer than most people have seen over the years.......hell I have killed lots of animals over the years. $hit loads of doves.......
I can't even think about the number of bullets I've fired over the years. It would be funny to see that mountain of brass. We would all smile and be proud and say "damn Jeff, you have a trigger finger left?"
The mountain of brass would shade my two story house. I can be proud of that.
I have an 8 year old son I have not taught much too. I've been pretty sick all year. He has a chipmunk rifle ready to go......Dad just needs to get better......and there are days I can barely get off the couch I'm so sick.
Will somebody teach him when I'm gone? I sure hope so.....he's a good kid and if he's got some of his Dad in him he's gonna be a damn good shot.
Yes....these are the words of a truly dying man. I don't think I'll have any regrets.........I've always wanted to work on a project car.....you know......rebuild an old classic. 65 mustang or 72 Chevy pickup...
If I get better that's what I want to do. Chances are small and slim though and I think I finally realized that tonight. The nurses act different around me. They look sad.......they must have read my chart and seen my prognosis. It's in their eyes and faces. They won't look me in the eye......and I've been coming here for months for treatment.
Things feel different......they know. They just are not saying.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm scared..........I do know that. I guess if I had a shoulder to cry on right now I would.
Well I'll just dump this here in General Discussion and let the ball roll.
I'm in room 700 if you got a shoulder. 7th floor Harris tower..
One small good thing that has come out of this is someone began a raise money fund for people to contribute towards. The target was $20,000 and at 9pm last night GMT it was $19.800. I noticed this morning it's at $30,700. I'm pretty sure it's not some sob story or some scam cooked up by this man posting it, as he seems to be a regular respected poster on that forum with 2000+ postings and has been member there since 2011. There are also photos of him with some of the visitors that went to see him in his hospital bed to offer that shoulder.
The rest of the thread postings that followed aren't "Feel sorry for you mate" but they are genuinely engaging him on to share some good experiences in his life to lift his spirits. It was really very touching to read. I stopped after a while feeling like I was snooping into something very personal, like a close family's grief.
Anyway just wanted to do as this man has done and just dump it here in Other Chatter and let the ball roll. Do with it as you will. Like I said my intention posting this is NOT to depress you but to make you look at things differently as it has with me.
Thanks for your time reading this far.
Aaron