Dealing with big sacrifices

[Tengu]

STILL not got my student finances.

(And it looks like everything is going wrong in the course anyway)

I was massive arrears in rent, (Mercifully have a very understanding landlady)

So Dad has paid it.

Out of the money he had saved for a new boiler.

I will say he is warm, so he claims. (Bear in mind I overheat easily and so wont notice a cold house)

I believe him. (But he is the sort who will tell you he is all right even if he is not...)

I dont want to believe him.

I am naturaly rather unhappy that I cant pay him back, (Even if he let me...unlikley) and I cant express my gratitude.

What should I do?

 

[santaman2000]

The only thing you can do: thank him, tell him you love him (even though he already knows) and keep plugging away. He thinks you’re worth it so you should too.

 

[Van-Wild]

Do you work part time?

Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk

 

[Tengu]

Um, whats work?

 

[Robbi]

How did you get so far in arrears with your rent ?

 

[Van-Wild]

Um, whats work?

I'll take that as a tongue-in-cheek reply . But seen as you're a student, why don't you google it and find out.....

Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk

 

[saxonaxe]

" and I cant express my gratitude.

What should I do? "

Yes you can Tengu. Write him a letter. Seriously, sit down and write him a letter. Tell him how grateful you are in plain words. Tell him how you feel about being his Daughter, what he means to you, and what your hopes for the future are.

Then post it to him, don't hand it to him, post it. He may dismiss it later when he speaks to you, but I bet you he keeps it. Even If he plays the macho and bins it, he will secretly remember it's content.
It will cost you a few minutes and the price of a stamp, but to him it will be priceless.

Do it...

 

[Woody girl]

Could you offer to do some work on the site for your landlady in leu of rent? That would help out on the finance side, and could be part time. Even if there isn't much this time of year work wise it's something to think about for the season. Cleaning vans or washing up in a cafe. You would feel better if you knew you were contributing to your finances rather than relying on your dad to bail you out.
You need to get your finances sorted. Go see the welfare team at the uni. They might be able to swish things along. Good luck with it.
As regards you feelings about your dad. I don't have much more to add than santaman that's a hard one.
Short of making money by working there is not an answer. I know for you this isn't an easy option and may present more pressure than you can cope with, but realy it's the only answer. Lots of people work and study . It's very hard going though. You may have to make a hard decision soon on whether you can carry on in your present situation or not. Don't feel you have failed if you can't keep going. You have achieved a heck more than some with your life situation.
I realy do admire your determination and sacrifices and the amount of deprivation you put yourself through to gain your dreams. Go girl!

 

[Tengu]

By not having any money. (I believe this may be connected by my complete ignorance about work...but I know of people who do work, and still dont have money...)

Im a student and there has been problems with student finance.

 

[Woody girl]

So you need to get help to sort student finance out. Don't just sit and suffer. If you need help and student welfare are not being helpful go to see citizens advice. Or get your dad to push the issue. We all need a bit of help from others now and then. It's not giving up your independence. I know that's important for you. But even i need advice and help occasionally.
Being a student is not a barrier to working, or needing advice and help from others. Otherwise you would not have put this post up here.
Yes it's true some work and are still short of money. I've been there myself, but in those days there were no food banks or any of the sort of help I needed back then. I had to just get on with it.. listen to advice, take it... and put it into practice. It wasn't easy at all. But I got there in the end. So will you.

 

[Van-Wild]

By not having any money. (I believe this may be connected by my complete ignorance about work...but I know of people who do work, and still dont have money...)

Im a student and there has been problems with student finance.

Tengu..... I think you already know the solution to your problem my friend.....

Dig in.... dig deep. All will come good in the end.

Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk

 

[Van-Wild]

So you need to get help to sort student finance out. Don't just sit and suffer..... I had to just get on with it.. listen to advice, take it... and put it into practice. It wasn't easy at all. But I got there in the end. So will you.

Good advice that......



Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk

 

[Janne]

When I was a student with very little money I worked in the weekends.

Situation with dad? Accept his gift, and tell him how grateful you are.
High and kiss him, and be positive around him.

You write that everything is going wrong with the course. If you feel that way, maybe it is time to reassess the situation, maybe time to quit it and start working? Education is excellent, but only if you are happy doing it and it leads to an improvement ( skills, job opportunities, happiness.)

 

[Woody girl]

Tengu I say this next bit with genuine care and concern.
Having met your truly lovely dad this year at the moot. I worry that he won't be around forever. He's not a young man.what will you do then? You need to show him you can cope without needing him to bail you out when things go wrong. Easy for me to say I hear you reply. But I had no parents to fall back on since I was only just sixteen. (By 3 weeks) . So I know what a trial it can be with trying to cope in an adult world whilst still almost a child... and let's remember in the 19 70s young people were so much less worldly wise than they are nowadays.
You will have to cope one day... hopefully not for a few good years yet god willing... so you need to show him for his peace of mind that you have the capability to solve this problem.
I know it's not an easy situation for you to deal with and you do need someone you trust to advocate in the matter of your student loan for you. Do please go to student welfare or citizens advice my friend.
Make dad proud and solve this problem. I know you CAN do it.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. All you need is a bit of courage to sieze the bull by the horns.

 

[Robbi]

Tengu I say this next bit with genuine care and concern.
Having met your truly lovely dad this year at the moot. I worry that he won't be around forever. He's not a young man.what will you do then? You need to show him you can cope without needing him to bail you out when things go wrong. Easy for me to say I hear you reply. But I had no parents to fall back on since I was only just sixteen. (By 3 weeks) . So I know what a trial it can be with trying to cope in an adult world whilst still almost a child... and let's remember in the 19 70s young people were so much less worldly wise than they are nowadays.
You will have to cope one day... hopefully not for a few good years yet god willing... so you need to show him for his peace of mind that you have the capability to solve this problem.
I know it's not an easy situation for you to deal with and you do need someone you trust to advocate in the matter of your student loan for you. Do please go to student welfare or citizens advice my friend.
Make dad proud and solve this problem. I know you CAN do it.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. All you need is a bit of courage to sieze the bull by the horns.

Outstanding post Woody girl X

 

[Tengu]

Yes Woody, I worry about it every day.

And I am unfortunatley the sort of person who will always be in need of appropriate support.

I am in contact with the Students Union, dont worry.

(Thanks for the socks BTW)

 

[Woody girl]

The socks were a pleasure to make for you. Glad you like them.
I know you will always need support and I wish I was a bit nearer you. Maybe I can get to visit in the spring when it's a bit warmer and I'm more mobile.
Im glad you are in touch with students union. Be honest with them and tell them that your work is suffering due to the stress of the situation on top of everything else. Don't hold back. I still think you should get student welfare on side too as it is their job and responsibility make sure you are safe both physically and mentally. This situation is obviously causing you untold and totaly unbearable stress on both counts.
I hope it gets sorted very soon. It's unfair to make you go through this.
Good luck and I hope this next year works out better for you.
Much love. WG

 

[Janne]

+100!

Remember, there is help. There is help for a reason. It should be used.
Also, remember, there are professions that are there for people that need help with the ‘mind’.
Psychologists, maybe even a priest.
DO NOT BE AFRAID OR ASHAMED!

Sometimes we can reach a wall, and might need a bit of help to climb it.

I had recurrent nightmares, for about 35 years. About Uni.
Told a Psychiatrist friend when we had ‘a few’.
He ‘fixed me’ a few weeks later.

 

[sunndog]

but I know of people who do work, and still dont have money...)

Doesn't mean the whole idea of working for money is a fail though. £50 a week is £50 a week more than you have now

 

[Janne]

Working gives you a purpose and satisfaction in life.
Also, it is nice to feel that you are ‘master of your own destiny’ and do not have to rely on the handouts from the other working people.

Studying full time at Uni grad level can be difficult. Even more so at post grad level.
The vast majority of people your age work, have a good economy, go on holid@ys, have fun after work, while you are poor as a rat, are stressed and and do home study in your free time.