Bullying

[markie*mark0]

Thanks everyone for you comments, some good advice that will come in handy.

Just some additional info from me, they dont goto the same school. They have both been told not to play with each other, which is followed to an extent, incidents usually happen when the whole street of children start playing all together. or if my son is passing him in the street whilst playing with other children or alone.

were going to start a dairy and log each thing to document everything. once some sizable data is done we'll contact police and local council to see what their response is.

Lcukily is not having a huge affect on my son, bigger affect on me and my other half in all honesty. He's pretty naive being only 8 so its water off a ducks back at the moment, but i know the more he matures the more if will likely affect him.

 

[TurboGirl]

Autism/ abuse or other influences aren't an excuse for behaviour that can be logically learned as wrong but if his parents are affected by the same disorders (genetically likely) or are part of an abusive pattern themselves, their responses will be affecting their child and reinforcing the behaviour thats triggering his aggresion to your lad in combination with all Emm and the other posters excellent points. I hope they break the pattern for their kids sake but if they're blinkered to it, there's nowt so stubborn as folk who are determined to not address or face a problem.

The schools almost certainly won't divulge any information about the bullyers psyche which is a shame because even at 8, I think your son could understand and realise it's not him but the other lads problem. It really helped our lad to understand that.

If you have a Parent Partnership organisation at your local council, they might be able to fix you up with an experienced person who can come and advocate for you at school and other meetings if action isn't being taken fast or decisively enough, it can help to have a third party present when its something as upsetting for you as this... I hope it is resolved and your lad gains strength and confidence through it. Huge best wishes lovey x

The things you're doing sound brilliant btw

 

[Wook]

were going to start a dairy.

I was going to congratulate you on an extremely lateral solution to a difficult problem

But in all seriousness, I hope things work out well for your son. Kids shouldn't have to put up with that sort of nonsense.

 

[salad]

It may not be a bad idea as well to let some of the neighbours know that you are keeping a diary , then there is a reasonable chance that

1) they will make sure there kids dont play along on the bullys side, thus diminishing the bullys entertainment .

2) It cant be bad if the bullys parents also no that you are keeping a diary and intend to go to social services , it may trigger a positive reaction from them

 

[789987]

i appreciate the feelings of rage/ sorrow/ powerless /guilt etc etc that you will no doubt be experiencing, and i would agree that the diary/ official complaint thing is the way to go - but its probably going to be months of apparent inactivity and potentially the accompanying mental stress

so while youre waiting, it may be worth considering that a large part of conflict is psychological. Personally - and assuming they were receptive- i would send your child to a boxing class.

firstly it may give them some confidence in their abilities

secondly it will keep them fit

thirdly the other child will hear about it and perhaps be more hesitant in attempting to initiate conflict

in closing, the old maintain an army for a thousand years mentality is one i chose to adopt. this dispute will probably be forgotten about by the end of the summer, but there will no doubt be 20 more similar incidents that your child will face in his life. if you take care of everything for him how will he learn.

 

[Manacles]

You might like to consider contacting the "child protection officer" at the bully's school and talking to them about the problem. Whilst they will not be able to talk to you about the bully specifically due to client privacy they may be keen to know that the bully has little parental control exerted on him, especially as there may be problems with him in the school as well. Perhaps taking the approach that you are contacting them rather than the police to seek a "gentle" resolution?

As a Scout leader I would echo others' comments that Scouts/Boyds Brigade etc would help your lad build confidence in dealing with bully types.

Good luck - it's a tough situation and I hope it can be worked out in your lad's favour.