A Very Moulting Tengu

[Tengu]

I want to tell you how wonderfully I have been doing but unfortunatley that is not so.

The tutor who runs the course at Plymouth university does not like me, and has taken everty opportunity to put me down. She is not at all supportive of me. (Or the others, I note) and has never wanted me there. In fact she once said that if I left she would not mind. (Which is a really good attitude for a tutor to have, dont you agree?)

Assignments I always get a near pass, and the notes returned are slapdash and inconsistent. I dont think she puts much effort into marking.

I submitted one assignment that clearly impressed her. (It was the Dissertation proposal, but that is by the by). And do you know what she did? Turned around and made an accusation of academic offences. (Not plagarism, which would have been easily disproven. I do not know the exact nature of the offence assumed, I suspect it was something like purchasing an essay). This went to the second level. (A panel meeting, -I wrote a letter saying this would be too much pressure with my Aspergers and I did not attend. Louise wrote a very thoughtful report for me, and I had several personality references). They decided in my favour.

As for how I am doing with the other tutors, I get on well. I did a placement, something we all had to do. (The fact that I was doing a 5 hour commute on that day is nothing...I suspect I could have had a posting closer to home or something else be worked out. A short residential course would have been a real possibility). I enjoyed this and learned a lot and yup, I did get a good mark.

So, I have not graduated. It has been suggested that I extend my Masters to a second year, which I agree in many ways would be a good plan...However my Tutor will still hate me (doubly so after I was cleared). They will still mark me down. Why should I bother?

This has had miserable effects on my health; I am suffering bad stress. Even without the Tutor its been tough to commute to Plymouth. People say I have lost weight...its not in a good way. I am depressed and have had suicidal thoughts. My confidence had deterioated and I am having difficulty in trusting people these days or even talking about the subject; Its why I have not mentioned this before though I think some of you have suspected this.

In spite of all this trouble I do like Archival practice, and though I am thoroughly soured on study (at the moment) I do intend keeping up with academia. What I will do next I have little idea. I have no money and no energy to do anything productive.

 

[Broch]

I am sorry to hear that Tengu; you always enthuse about your subject matter and it would be a shame to let others decide the outcome of your effort.

Throughout my education and career, whenever I have felt others are spitefully working against me, I have read this Ninja poem to myself:

Despite the love you feel
and the joy you radiate
there are those misguided persons in the world
who would see you harmed.


They will confront you with fists
or await you in the darkness with blades drawn.


Do not fear them
or become angry with them.


Allow your heart to hold the emptiness of purity.
Your receptive spirit will hear the sadness and rage
of your attackers’ intentions
and your body will flow
with the winds of their hatred.
You will take them to the destruction they seek.


And as the dust settles
and the blood dries
do not let your own joy decrease
nor find the world any less beautiful
simply because some persons refuse to see you
with eyes that love

 

[Janne]

Sorry to hear that, you do not deserve to be treated that way.

Would there be a possibility for you to change tutor, get rid of that nasty one completely?
It does not matter that you suffer from Asb. as everybody should be treated in a fair way, and the tutor should adopt to your 'quirkiness', ( do not take offence please).

 

[tiger stacker]

I want to tell you how wonderfully I have been doing but unfortunatley that is not so.

The tutor who runs the course at Plymouth university does not like me, and has taken everty opportunity to put me down. She is not at all supportive of me. (Or the others, I note) and has never wanted me there. In fact she once said that if I left she would not mind. (Which is a really good attitude for a tutor to have, dont you agree?)

Assignments I always get a near pass, and the notes returned are slapdash and inconsistent. I dont think she puts much effort into marking.

I submitted one assignment that clearly impressed her. (It was the Dissertation proposal, but that is by the by). And do you know what she did? Turned around and made an accusation of academic offences. (Not plagarism, which would have been easily disproven. I do not know the exact nature of the offence assumed, I suspect it was something like purchasing an essay). This went to the second level. (A panel meeting, -I wrote a letter saying this would be too much pressure with my Aspergers and I did not attend. Louise wrote a very thoughtful report for me, and I had several personality references). They decided in my favour.

As for how I am doing with the other tutors, I get on well. I did a placement, something we all had to do. (The fact that I was doing a 5 hour commute on that day is nothing...I suspect I could have had a posting closer to home or something else be worked out. A short residential course would have been a real possibility). I enjoyed this and learned a lot and yup, I did get a good mark.

So, I have not graduated. It has been suggested that I extend my Masters to a second year, which I agree in many ways would be a good plan...However my Tutor will still hate me (doubly so after I was cleared). They will still mark me down. Why should I bother?

This has had miserable effects on my health; I am suffering bad stress. Even without the Tutor its been tough to commute to Plymouth. People say I have lost weight...its not in a good way. I am depressed and have had suicidal thoughts. My confidence had deterioated and I am having difficulty in trusting people these days or even talking about the subject; Its why I have not mentioned this before though I think some of you have suspected this.

In spite of all this trouble I do like Archival practice, and though I am thoroughly soured on study (at the moment) I do intend keeping up with academia. What I will do next I have little idea. I have no money and no energy to do anything productive.

Persevere, if you have to extend to a second year then it gives you a goal to aim for, can you use the travelling time productively or to relax.

Keep doing what you enjoy, it keeps the demons at bay.
Regards

 

[Woody girl]

I was given some words once that have proved true.
everytime you are given lemons.. make lemonade.
Sometimes it can be hard to see how to make lemonade in a situation and boy I've been there. I've had so many curved balls thrown at me when I've least expected it I've lost count! I think every single one has floored me totaly and I've had those thoughts too. Get some help with the depression. Remember. No situation is forever and you can get through . Look how far you've come and take the summer break to put more support in place. Perhaps talk to your tutors superior about their attitude and explain how it makes you feel.
This is bullying and unacceptable . There must be an anti bullying policy. Action it. Keep your chin up old thing and don't let them get the better of you. Be strong ( not easy when you feel battered) we are all behind you and willing you on.
I send you a big hug to be claimed in person at the moot much love from me.

 

[Billy-o]

Hope it all pulls round Tengu. There's a lot of difficult people work in higher ed.

(Didn't know ninjas were susceptible to bouts of maudlin )

 

[C_Claycomb]

Oh dear. Poor Tengu. That is not happy tidings. I am really sorry you are finding yourself put through the wringer like this. I think of myself as having had a pretty good ride through life, but even so I have had some similar experiences while navigating school, university and work. Makes me think that everyone probably has low points like this at some time, even those who don't look like it! You are certainly not alone, and if others have found a way through, so can you...and don't you doubt it!!!

I would be surprised if there were not someone at the University that you could talk to. Mental health and well being is starting to be taken more seriously by a lot of institutions and universities see a lot of young people under pressure. If there is, make use of them. I know it is hard, but even for folk who don't like talking, bottling things up and trying to cope all by oneself isn't good. They might even have some good advice for dealing with difficult tutors.

I wish I could give you good advice on how to manage your stress, but I am still looking for good ways to stop myself getting stressed, so not much help there! I will say though that if you can, when those black thoughts crawl into your head, remember that they are just the results of chemical imbalances...too many un-used fight-or-flight hormones...they might try to pass themselves off as rational, but they aren't. No more so than the thoughts people have when really drunk.

Illegitimi non carborundum


Chris

 

[Woody girl]

I've checked your uni policy and there seems to be a lot of support and advice on offer. I should take advantage of it and also see if it's possible to change your tutor. If that is not possible you need to report this every time it happens. I know you may not want to make a fuss but sometimes you need to. Good luck.

 

[GuestD]

The important thing when making a complaint in circumstances like this, is plenty of evidence. A very good bit of advice I was given many years ago in a similar situation was "to have a file that thick, when you hit them with it, they won't be able to get up." Figurative obviously. Bullying is something that has no place in today's educational establishments.

 

[C_Claycomb]

People only sit up and pay attention to you when stand up and make a lot of noise. Jolly hard for a lot of us. If we were naturally noisy, we probably wouldn't have such an affinity for the peace of the outdoors!

 

[Klenchblaize]

I believe the following is very telling:

"The Tutor who runs the course at Plymouth university does not like."

Understanding why this is so is the key to Tengu's salvation as such will not be found in third-party support alone.

I truly wish Tengu all the best and early discovery of a navigable passage though life's many and varied challenges.

K

 

[GuestD]

"The Tutor who runs the course at Plymouth university does not like."

A professional should not engage in not liking, unfortunately the teaching profession, as many others, does have it's fair share of petty individuals. Understanding their motives is the same as appeasing a bully. In my daily routine I have to deal with some very challenging individuals who some would find very easy to dislike, I can manage not to let such things cloud my judgement. It's a very important part of training that some forget very quickly.

 

[Tengu]

Yes, there is a lot of petty children in Academia.

She doesnt like me because I am a bit of a square peg. She is a Historean and so are most of the other students.

Plus she is younger than me

and doesnt understand Aspergers. I am pretty much dependent on people being understanding.

 

[Janne]

It is the square pegs that bring humanity forward.
You will overcome this!

 

[Jackroadkill]

Yes, there is a lot of petty children in Academia.

She doesnt like me because I am a bit of a square peg. She is a Historean and so are most of the other students.

Plus she is younger than me

and doesnt understand Aspergers. I am pretty much dependent on people being understanding.

I work in a school for kids with various ASC diagnoses, so I know where you're coming from regarding being a square peg. However, I've met many square pegs (and identify proudly as one myself) and not that many round holes.

Peace and solidarity, Tengu.

 

[santaman2000]

The first advise is to get help for the depression. Until then the issue will seem overwhelming. I very much hope that this doesn’t sound dismissive (my daughter also suffers from anxiety and depression so I have complete sympathy with you) but please remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It also fails to provide a real “solution” as it only passes an even worse problem for those who love you.

 

[GuestD]

Education systems vary in the UK. Someone I know very well, in a similar situation, who is currently doing a degree course, has a scribe to help with course work, and a dedicated support worker to assist with any problems.

 

[Woody girl]

I had a similar situation when I did my btech in outdoor pursuits. I was older than the tutor (ex army) and had a lot more experience in certain aspects of the course than him... tho not all and there was plenty to learn for sure. I was in my 30s and the other students were 17/19yrs olds.
I remember one particularly nasty day when he asked what my small tin held. I told him it was a mini survival kit. He asked to see. This was in class. He then picked it over pouring scorn on the contents. The worst bit was when he pulled out a sealed condom which has uses other than the obvious as many of us know and proceeded to take the pi** about me being on the game and watch out boys we have a sex maniac cougar etc etc.
I won't go into the whole thing but a complaint to the relevant authorities was made. Needless to say the rest of the course I got the difficult stuff first goes as I was "such an expert"
Your not the first and won't be the last. I simply rose to the challenge and often proved myself.. tho there were a few fails and while he got snidy I just laughed and said nobody's perfect in a meaningful way with a wink. He knew what I meant but was powerless in the end. He wanted to get me down and quit so he could carry on being a soldier hero to the kids. I didn't quit. I often went home and cried but I was determined nobody was gonna take my dream away. (I'm a stubborn old thing)

 

[Toddy]

Good on you but I'm sorry you had to face down a fundamental orifice just because his ego needed massaged or his self confidence wasn't up to dealing with a capable female.

If no one complains, nothing changes.

It goes both ways though, there are as many females with those same issues as their are males.

M

 

[Billy-o]

She doesnt like me because I am a bit of a square peg.
Plus she is younger than me

There is nothing worse in academia than an ambitious young historian. I have some experience in this area. And, it doesn't seem to matter which discipline they are historically-minded in ... Literature, Science, Art, Politics, whatever ... if someone has a taste for probity and tradition, and really does believe there is a right answer to anything, then you are onto a loser.

I think it is an effect of a naive confidence that one can master subject areas of vast, complex and intimidating scale .. which, as a worldview, comes as a function of a inadequate type of education. Also, it is to do with the fact that, as part of their job description, academics often find themselves talking critically about other people and, although they may have legitimate disagreements with them, they are also often way less talented, significant and accomplished than those other people. It is hard to admit to sometimes. It tends to be worse in those who are a little unsure of their intellectual chops, educational pedigree and who are in awe of some lecturer or other in their past ... a state which seems to breed vanity and insecurity equally.

Also, as in everything political in the past three years it seems, the easiest way to deal with discomfort is to blame, castigate and demonize its perceived source. Since I was a kid, I have always thought that if someone has a problem with me then they probably have problems with lots of other things besides and the issue isn't really me. It is them, and I should help them overcome themselves.

But, I should also say that this profound insight has not helped me deal with any given situation ... not one little bit.