1000 post competition. Make me laugh...
- Thread starter Andy BB
- Start date
Angela Merkel had to go to Greece. As she arrived at Athens airport she had to go through passport control.
Customs man said "name?"
she replied "Merkel"
"Occupation?"
"No, I am here on business"
Customs man said "name?"
she replied "Merkel"
"Occupation?"
"No, I am here on business"
The FBI are looking for an assassin. There are three candidates, two men and one woman.
They are taken to a place with three containers. Each container contains one of the candidates partners tied to a chair.
The first man is given a gun and is told to go in and shoot his partner.
He says he cant do it and he's out.
The second guy is told to do the same and says
"I can't do it"
He's out!
So the woman goes in and you hear a lot of scuffling and bangs from the gun and wood on metal.
She comes out and says
"The gun was filled with blanks i had to beat him to death with the chair"
They are taken to a place with three containers. Each container contains one of the candidates partners tied to a chair.
The first man is given a gun and is told to go in and shoot his partner.
He says he cant do it and he's out.
The second guy is told to do the same and says
"I can't do it"
He's out!
So the woman goes in and you hear a lot of scuffling and bangs from the gun and wood on metal.
She comes out and says
"The gun was filled with blanks i had to beat him to death with the chair"
A penguin walks into a pub and asks the landlord,
"Has my dad been in"
The landlord replies,
"What does he look like"....
My better jokes only work "in person" so this is the calibre I'm afraid.
Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2
"Has my dad been in"
The landlord replies,
"What does he look like"....
My better jokes only work "in person" so this is the calibre I'm afraid.
Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2
The teacher asks wee Jonny if he could name a vegetable that could make you eyes water
Wee jonny thinks for a bit ,and says turnip
Turnip says the teacher how does that make you eyes water
Wee jonny says if you got hit in the balls with one am sure it would make your eyes water
Jason
Wee jonny thinks for a bit ,and says turnip
Turnip says the teacher how does that make you eyes water
Wee jonny says if you got hit in the balls with one am sure it would make your eyes water
Jason
Uncle chiseller in his cycling attire, having a brew in a tahn centre watering ole
[/IMG]
Sent from my HTC Explorer using Tapatalk 2
Sent from my HTC Explorer using Tapatalk 2
Best told in front of your HR person / diversity adviser etc..
"I'll tell you what's wrong with this country - Blacks...
....£300 for a tent is outrageous"
"I'll tell you what's wrong with this country - Blacks...
....£300 for a tent is outrageous"
woodspirits
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
little red indian girl walks into her grandfathers tipi,
'what puzzles you child'?
'grandfather, how are we named so'?
'when a squaw gives birth, the childs father opens the tipi door and names the child after the first thing he sees.
running deer,... thunder cloud on white pony, ...whispering trees, etc'
'ah i see grandfather'
'is there anything else, brown dog having a sh&t'?...
'what puzzles you child'?
'grandfather, how are we named so'?
'when a squaw gives birth, the childs father opens the tipi door and names the child after the first thing he sees.
running deer,... thunder cloud on white pony, ...whispering trees, etc'
'ah i see grandfather'
'is there anything else, brown dog having a sh&t'?...
Last edited:
Biker
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Last week i went to the woods for a few hours.. I came home and my wife had done this to my son.
Moral of the story.. GET RID OF THE WIFE
Moral of the story.. GET RID OF THE WIFE
Shambling Shaman
Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
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