Thanks all for your advice!
this looks cheap, and I have a £5 off coupon.
http://www.tesco.com/direct/gelert-lunar-2-man-dome-tent/215-4968.prd?pageLevel=&skuId=215-4968
I have no gas stove at all, and no experience with them other than the huge heavy camping jobs in a plastic briefcase type thing, that take the deodorant can type gas that is cheap as chips you can buy from mostly anywhere.
I would have thought trangia would be good one too seeing as you can get dirt cheap de-natured alcohol all over EU.
I hadn't thought about asking farmers and sleeping in barns. Some friends said they had an amazing time sleeping on the trains and beaches, unfortunately our route will not go to beaches, but the woman loves her beaches so i expect that will change. She also loves her beauty sleep so I can't imagine we'll be doing that much camping and sleeping on trains. (So leaving the tent behind each time might not be the best of ideas now I've thought about it harder, because I don't know when we'll use it, and we might use it for one night in one country and then 5 days later use it for a few days.)
She'll be grumpy all the time if we do most of the sleeping rough because she's never really travelled before, but hostels are getting expensive now! :/ at least in main cities. Not sure what to do there. I went back packing around the world when I was 11 with my parents. Admittedly most of it has faded in my memory now :'( :'( good times. No worries when you're 11. But She is not a travelled gal, she's always holidayed in resorts and various family friendly place, and has never left Europe ("apart from lapland if that counts!" haha) and not even been to eastern europe. We have both, unfortunately, been subjected to constant horror stories via the media and other silly people of the dangerous world out there and (her more than me!

promise) constantly have it in the back of our minds of stuff being stolen, being mugged,....worse...(seriously like every couple of weeks there is a travelling couple raped somewhere in the world its horrible, no wonder yanks like their guns)
I would like to put these fears to bed.
The plan is to easy jet to Munich, because i have a v.good friend there, who will put us up, and it's £60 return with easy jet +£50 for the bags so not alot. Although Harwich to Hook of Holland and trains to munich via the rest of germany is also an idea we've had.
Sorry about the lengthy reply. There were a few things I needed to get off my chest.