I never stray on a full moon, a wednesday (badger day) or when the blue bells are in flower! You can never be too careful with those clandestine predators of the dark afoot..
This one time, me and a pal were chilling by the camp fire (nothing brokeback mountian going on..) and I could hear the twigs and leaves rusting around us, now knowing there were sightings not long ago I knew it could be my time.
I continued to listen carefully, and the sounds grew nearer.. and nearer. I started to shake, but managed to grab the axe and bravely hide behind my friend.. using him as a human shield/sacrifice as I know badgers like the taste of portugese men more than us English (as it was monday, obviously).
Then the worst thing happened, the fire magically went out! I took control of the situation and while screaming like a girl, quickly dashed up a nearby tree.. with only the smouldering embers giving any light to our impending demise.
How we survived the ordeal is almost unbelievable.. it was like Saint George himself scared the badger away with his mighty sword for the last time! I could here his sword sheath in the passing wind and we quickly made our way back to sanctuary.
Still to this day, I wonder why I'm here.. maybe the final battle is yet to come, and I'm the one to lead the rebelion against their putrid forces..
ahem..
