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Aug 13, 2009
If people think stress is easy to cope with, then the graveyards are littered with people who did not make it, and they weren't weak people, just put into circumstances they were unable to handle. I have come out the other side of going back to Uni as a mature student, and all I really have to show for it is the right to have mail addressed to me as "dr" and a lot of debt that I am slowly getting the better of. The outdoors is the best stress cure that I know of, but of course it isn't always possible, especially if you have essays to write, deadlines to meet and that sort of thing. Keep back something to reward yourself after you have met the deadline, make yourself a promise that will give yourself some time at regular intervals. My advice is don't listen to those who tell you to keep it to yourself and be open about it as you will just bottle it up.
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Full Member
Aug 2, 2019
I think lifestyle choices are key here. You need to think about what makes you happy / relaxed and focus on making them happen. Avoid stressful situations and people who are very negative. You have to be somewhat selfish I find, it's your life and you only have one of them so make yourself the priority. Do not try and fit into other people's ideal's, I appreciate this is hard in today's day and age especially in the digital computer age but try and look inwards and not outwards. Do what YOU feel is right, not what others tell you, do not let others judge you, be your own judge and you will find the path to your inner peace. I am not suggesting you ignore the needs of eveyone around you, just focus more on yourself.
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Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Jul 14, 2008
I don't know Tengu but she sounds like someone worth meeting and getting to know. I don't mean that as creepy as it sounds but the years I've been on this forum and read her posts I think she has a lot of positives to give people or groups she encounters, no matter how they are encountered.

That said i can't help her with stress. I have my ways and means but they are unique to me, I'm weird so they won't work for you. For example I have an innate ability to forget pressure and stress. Having an argument/ falling out with me is stressful because I just get on with things and 2 minutes after a full on blazing row I'll be trying to hold a normal conversation with you about something that came into my mind.

That's not to say I don't suffer from stress and anxiety, I do and badly at times. For example I sometimes have patterns of bad sleep, usually due to money worries. It's like my gran who had the horrors over the idea of falling into the poor house, even though neither of us lived in that horrendous system. Indeed I've got a good support system with my family so it's not an issue. It's a pressure I put on myself.

My solution for sleeping when overly stressed is sheer fantasy. I imagine things going well. I've never thought about it but this is what sports psychology probably calls visualisation. I've written that off but it turns out I've been doing it all my life.

Anyway, I hope you find your way.


Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Jul 14, 2008
One more thing. Focus on your positives. I'm good at seeing my negatives but I know they're too ingrained. I struggle badly with the positives.

Right now I'm in a rut work wise and certainly under employed and paid. I NEED to get out but my negativity stops me. If you can't see the positives how can you sell them to a potential new employer?

I guess with both of these ramblings I'm really saying you need balance between positives and negatives. Yin and yang. Success and failure. Friends and enemies. Hope and despair. Future and past.

The last one is about balance between looking at past successes / failures and future opportunities. Look to the future with regard to your past but not too much. I'm too busy looking at my past and current with it's negatives. I need to practise my sleep visualisation about my waking time too.

Ramble over and out (for now...).


Apr 1, 2019
Yup, I had to say it, we all suffer from it, and it can cause all sorts of problems, physical and mental.

And it can kill you.

I had a rough time at Uni...but I have been advised to go back and complete the course.

it will be easier on me, as I will have less work to do (No Placement, with a 5 hour commute...) and I now know the place.

But I need to deal with Stress.

What do you suggest?
Bear with me on this post it might be a tad long, and I’m not the best at articulating.

You just get on with it. Life is stressful.
Let’s start with this comment, which is a very go to comment, and an attitude I used to hold, and a lot of people still hold. The problem being, this attitude may get you somewhere, it’s not a good coping mechanism, if it can even be counted as a coping mechanism. And eventually we all hit a situation where this attitude crumbles and just makes the situation worse. If our default setting is “crack on” then when we finally meet a situation we can’t deal with like that, it makes the stress and our reaction worse.
I’ve been to war, I’ve had far too many friends kill themselves, I’ve been homeless, I’ve lost family members, dealt with traumatic incidents. I’ve had, like a lot of people, a variety of situations to deal with. “Cracking on” only gets you so far, Instead of “cracking on” we all need to develop good coping mechanisms to build our resilience in response to situations so it allows us to tackle the next problem with a heaither mindset and solution.

For me, knowledge is power. I find it therapeutic to read about stress/depression/mental health/self development and the body’s reaction, the hormonal reactions and primal reactions to situations. I can see and feel my body reacting to certain situations and in turn I can control my breathing or whatever to control my reaction to the situation. And in turn, control - within reason- the situation.

Stress is subjective, what stresses one person, won’t stress another. What works for one person won’t work for another.
Stress is just the bodies reaction to a situation it doesnt like or understand or can’t control.

Little things, make up the big things. It won’t always be one big stressful event, it could be little stresses that eventually mount up. “Filling your pint glass”. And when you’re pint glass gets too full, it overflows. We don’t really want to get to the point where it overflows. We need to develop a way to empty the pint glass before it overflows.

So the first thing to realise is that you aren’t alone. And it’s so easy to feel very alone and as if you are carrying this burden yourself and no one will understand, or you feel pathetic or feel stupid or that you are getting stressed over trivial things. We all feel like that, we all need time, and we all need a little help. Asking for help is not a weakness.

@Tengu the fact you have taken the courage to post on here and ask, is a positive step in that right direction. It takes a lot to ask. It’s talked about more these days but mental health is still not understood or brushed over.

Second point is that you need to have hope and self worth. At the extreme end of this, what we don’t understand about people who commit suicide, is just how completely hopeless and worthless they must feel to think that it’s an acceptable course of action. Which is heartbreaking to think about.
So, while you may be stressing about your situation, remember who you are, where you have come from and past positive experiences and be thankful for what’s going right in your life. You are worth something and you do have something to offer, these things that stress you are just small bumps in the road.

And if it seems like nothing is going right, taking tiny steps to fix 1 small thing at a time. This could be as simple as just getting out of bed at x time every morning or even just dragging yourself to the shower. If the depression and stress is that bad, just small tasks like that can be crippling.
“If you are on fire, you worry about the next 3 minutes, not 3 weeks.”
It’s all fine and well planning and making routines, but sometimes it’s just about making those small short term victories. The small steps added together make the big journeys.

I’m a firm believer that dealing with stress is about getting a small routine even just a morning routine, getting back to basics with getting outside and fresh air, the blood pumping and body moving. And mental stimulation, doing something you enjoy and you can feel that dopamine hit as you progress and do it. It’s about getting that small moments of enjoyment and fulfilment.

Lastly you need to take the time to “debrief yourself” or “develop” your coping mechanisms. How did you cope with a situation, how did you react, how did you feel, what was your thought process. What did you do to deal with stress the last time? What could you do differently to help?

Instead of thinking about this as a negative, because of your past experiences, you are in a different place than you were before, this can be a really positive situation for you.

You are in a really good position where you can look on all these inputs and pick what works for you. There’s no stencil way to deal with it, you have to find what works for you. It’s the same with finding a therapist, you have to find what works for you. And you have to develop what coping mechanisms and skills work for you.

We should all learn to take some time to work on self development and time on ourselves and mental health.

I hope this made some sort of sense. And doesn’t just come across as some sort of rambling.

I’ll include some YouTube videos in the next post with a variety of information for everyone to have a look at.
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