Stoopid jokes
- Thread starter nickliv
- Start date
There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't....
OR
There are two types of people in the world - those who can extrapolate from insufficient data and those who
OR
There are two types of people in the world - those who can extrapolate from insufficient data and those who
I told my doctor that i thought i was a supermarket.How long have you felt like this he asked,oh,since i was Lidl i replied.
A Frog walks into a Bank - He is a well dressed Frog in a waistcoat and carries a small rod over his shoulder with an even smaller bundle tied to the end hobo style.
He walks up to the bank teller and says " Excuse me Miss, I'd like to talk to some one about a borrowing some money"
The bank teller looks quizzically at the frog sat in front of her , and says " Well its a little unusual but I'm happy to see what we can do - please take a seat. I'm Miss Wack "
The Frog sits down and the young bank lady picks up her note pad and asks " So may I enquire what you want this money for ? "
The Frog looks up and says " I'd like to buy a pad of my own , a lovely lush green pad in the cleanest pond I can find - I've always longed for a Pond pad I can settle down in and raise some spawn of my own - its my dream "
Miss Wack considers the Frogs answer and thinks , well this sounds like a mortgage to me she inwardly concludes, - she addresses the Frog " Do you have anything of value that you could put up as a collateral deposit to secure this money with?? "
The Frog smiles - as frogs do - and pick up the staff and bundle , he unfurls the bundle and removes some items and passes them over to the bank teller - " Here , I have these - these are my precious life savings , would they be suitable ? " - the bank teller peers down at the offerings and takes the items from the Frog and inspects them.
The first is a small bright pale stone with a hole through the center - she notices that the stone will catch the light at certain angles and reflect it - Pretty!! she thinks.
The second is a small pink porcelain elephant smoking a Cigar , on the elephants head is a brightly coloured Fez hat - Interesting!! she thinks.
The third and Last is tiny Penny coin - The teller looks closer and see its not a coin she recognises - it has a Tiny Frog queen stamped on the Coin with a even tinier crown on her tiny frog head.
Unique !! - she thinks.
The bank teller looks again at the items in her hand , slightly bites her lip and says to the handsome gentlemen Frog -" I think , I think I will need to see my manager and asks what he thinks. These items , they are so Pretty! so Unique! So very Interesting" - and with that she gets up from her desk and walks to her Managers office secretly wishing that she didn't have too.
Knock-Knock!
" Who is it !? " a gruff voice comes from behind the door , - the bank teller , summons her voice and replies - "Its Patricia Sir, I er,... I need your assistance with a home deposit !!" she blurts.
" Come in then " the brusque voice booms through the door. Miss Wack pushes the door open and walks into the Managers office - " Sir its these " she holds up the three small items for her manager to appraise " There is a respectable looking Frog at my desk , whom is looking for us to lend him some money so that he can secure a lovely little lily pad on a lovely little pond and to raise some lovely little Frog spawn children - he want to know if we would accept these items as security? "
The Manager inwardly sighs, shrugs his shoulders , adjust his spectacles precariously pitched on the end of his bulbous red rose nose and looks down more intensely at the small three items in Patricia's slightly nervous, slightly sweaty hand.
A moment passes.
Then another..
The manager steps back, removes his glasses and roars at the nervous young banker teller
" Good God woman!!, These are Knick-Knacks Miss Paddy Wack!! , Give the Frog a Loan!!!! "
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I'm never going to get the two minutes it took to read that back.!!
But the memory of the laughter will last a lifetime.
Oh no..."not as intense/intents as camping" is a go too line a mate of mine uses ALL the time when someone says the word "intense"
Bloke says to his doctor,"Doc,i think i'm a wigwam and a teepee",you're too tense,the doc replies.
what did the bison reply when the other bison asked what does the bison want to do in the afterlife well, the bison replied i want to be a coracle and swim on water
TENTative definitions
I
INTENT: very popular on the festival scene this year
INADVERTENT: Tent as it appears in on-line catalogue. Four season, generous two-person, well designed and made. Very reasonable price.
CONTENT: Tent when it is eventually delivered. Seams already fraying stuck zipper, too small for even a kiddies' garden play tent and you realise you've been had.
TENTACLE: Guylines, poles, pegs etc. Not supplied with the above.
EXTENT: Tent in question recycled into cleaning rags
I
INTENT: very popular on the festival scene this year
INADVERTENT: Tent as it appears in on-line catalogue. Four season, generous two-person, well designed and made. Very reasonable price.
CONTENT: Tent when it is eventually delivered. Seams already fraying stuck zipper, too small for even a kiddies' garden play tent and you realise you've been had.
TENTACLE: Guylines, poles, pegs etc. Not supplied with the above.
EXTENT: Tent in question recycled into cleaning rags
You forgot PATENT: A tent for your dad
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