Political correctness in the woods

[traderran]

Very good,

Do you know Roald Dahl's version?

As soon as Wolf began to feel
That he would like a decent meal,
He went and knocked on Grandma's door.
When Grandma opened it, she saw
The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,
And Wolfie said, ``May I come in?''
Poor Grandmamma was terrified,
``He's going to eat me up!'' she cried.

And she was absolutely right.
He ate her up in one big bite.
But Grandmamma was small and tough,
And Wolfie wailed, ``That's not enough!
I haven't yet begun to feel
That I have had a decent meal!''
He ran around the kitchen yelping,
``I've got to have a second helping!''
Then added with a frightful leer,
``I'm therefore going to wait right here
Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood
Comes home from walking in the wood.''
He quickly put on Grandma's clothes,
(Of course he hadn't eaten those).
He dressed himself in coat and hat.
He put on shoes, and after that
He even brushed and curled his hair,
Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.
In came the little girl in red.
She stopped. She stared. And then she said,

``What great big ears you have, Grandma.''
``All the better to hear you with,'' the Wolf replied.
``What great big eyes you have, Grandma.''
said Little Red Riding Hood.
``All the better to see you with,'' the Wolf replied.

He sat there watching her and smiled.
He thought, I'm going to eat this child.
Compared with her old Grandmamma
She's going to taste like caviar.

Then Little Red Riding Hood said, ``But Grandma,
what a lovely great big furry coat you have on.''

``That's wrong!'' cried Wolf. ``Have you forgot
To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got?
Ah well, no matter what you say,
I'm going to eat you anyway.''
The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.
She whips a pistol from her knickers.
She aims it at the creature's head
And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.
A few weeks later, in the wood,
I came across Miss Riding Hood.
But what a change! No cloak of red,
No silly hood upon her head.
She said, ``Hello, and do please note
My lovely furry wolfskin coat.''

Roald Dahl, Revolting Rhymes

An excellent book for kids of all ages.

Great one.

 

[jonquirk]

Little Red Riding Hood was making her way through the woods to visit her grandmother when she saw the wolf crouching down, a little way off the path.
"What big eyes you have" she said.
"Leave me alone!! howled the wolf. "Can't you see I'm trying to have a crap?"

 

[lostagain]

Little Red Riding Hood was making her way through the woods to visit her grandmother when she saw the wolf crouching down, a little way off the path.
"What big eyes you have" she said.
"Leave me alone!! howled the wolf. "Can't you see I'm trying to have a crap?"

Now that's the best one yet !!

 

[fredohyeah]

Omg Lol Rofl

 

[Pandabean]

Simply brilliant. Cheered my afternoon right up.

I think we will be fully talking like this within the next decade or so with the way that society is going at the moment.

I hope that woodcutter remembered to put a sheath around the axehead before he burst into Grandma's house, that would be a serious breach of health and safety. Also with bursting the door in he may have caused splinters of wood to fly through the air and hurt someone. However he would probably get off on that one as the door belonged to the Grandma having a wooden door in the first place.

 

[durulz]

Why are so many people on this forum scared of political correctness? And why do so many people confuse stupidity for political correctness?
Political correctness is a damn good thing. Unfotunately the term has been hijacked by the right-wing press who bleat things such as 'political correctness gone mad' and lemmings who read those papers and believe them without questioning why.
I've noticed that a good many bushcrafters frequently have 'fruity' opinions (but not all). This always surprises me because most bushcrafters opine a very open-minded attitude to the natural world, but seldom apply that to wider issues. Maybe that's why I always feel so uncomfortable when the s**********s start with their End Of The World rantings - smacks of those right-wing American militia groups.
Wish we could avoid the political correctness stereotypes (without, in any way, missing the irony of my own stereotyping of s**********s).
Ho hum.

 

[y0dsa]

Durulz, Long Live Doublethink!

And stupidity!