Giving a youngster the best opportunities.

[TeeDee]

So a very open question , I have the opportunity to work with a youngster ( 18 y.o ) who seems to lack the confidence and access to opportunities to realise his own potential. I've felt through my own experiences that a youngster will benefit greatly from a range of activities , opportunities and experiences to "grow" as an individual . As this particular 18 y.o doesn't quite know what direction or interest to take in life I want to encourage and engender an attitude of self realization and confidence building as he is a little unsure if his own potential and self direction.





Any thoughts or suggestions on how or what experiences I can offer this young man?? He is my nephew and seems to lack a father figure if sorts.

What can I offer and arrange for him as an experience to grow and realise his full potential as he is lacking in confidence and direction.


All suggestions greatly received. I don't mind investing in this young man in terms of time and or money.

 

[Dave]

Patience. Endless Patience. Knowing oneself, and knowing if they are capable of what they want to achieve.

 

[sandbender]

Take him (or send him) abroad. It doesn't have to be too far away, just somewhere where he has to make choices and decisions by himself. Make sure he has a youth hosteling card and a list of hostels.

That worked for me.

 

[TeeDee]

Patience isn't a problem. Not having children myself ( not my choice ) I'm happy to build a long term supportive relationship .

Sending abroad - I can see why this would work and have thought after initial confidence is created something like a kibbutz would do wonders for self growth.

 

[dewi]

My lad lost his Mum at 13 yrs old... he'd been home schooled and had a low self esteem, he struggled socialising and had a certain amount of anger.

Me and him hadn't really connected properly for a couple of years prior, so we got flung together and neither of us knew how to deal with the other. I was used to working away a lot, but now I was needed to stay at home... not the ideal way for us to start... being home all the time made me grumpy.

The approach I took started with taking him walking with me... that didn't work out brilliantly as we'd run out of things to talk about pretty quickly... so next I tried to get into the computer games he likes... again, not a great success.

First break through was karting... we both went to a karting track and raced each other... he enjoyed it, I enjoyed it and we started to compete against each other. Became a regular thing and we became members of a karting place, drove a couple of times a week and it was great. Expensive at £60 a session for us both, but it did bring us together.

Second break through... taking him out camping... we've been welcomed as a pair by a good few people on here and although he was a bit withdrawn at the beginning, gradually he's started to talk to more people and he really came into his own when we went to North Wood. Took him a day out of the 3 day stay, but the guys there were brilliant with him... he learned quite a bit. Following that, we went to Wooplaw together... and he was confident immediately, got chatting to people, joined in group discussions. Best bit from my perspective is we get to talk when we're out and about, we get to talk when we're driving to and from the woods and while I don't claim to understand him completely, I've learned a lot more about him and he's learned a lot more about me.... really do owe a debt of gratitude to the guys who've let us join in their weekends in the woods.

I guess all I'm saying is from my experience whatever you do, your time and your patience combined with an enjoyable activity should do the trick. My lad is 17 years old now... and from that socially awkward young teenager, he's recently joined a boxing gym that he arranged... he's arranged a trip to Brussels with his college and generally he's brighter, more confident.

 

[Drain Bamaged]

Is there anything you would like to do yourself but not quite sure you could manage without some help or company when doing it? Maybe he could help you achieve something you would like to try, thus killing (not literally) two birds with one stone.

D.B.

 

[TeeDee]

Hmmmm, not sure about that , I'm reasonably a go-getter but recognise that like this lad I was an slow starter / late developer so want to foster some connection.

I was thinking I can take the lad shooting , skydiving , scuba and arrange some different work type experiences for him but wanted other suggestions . I want him to find himself in terms if what HE wants to do but currently he seems a little unaware of what that may be , hence trying to offer a mixed platter of experiences and confidence building scenarios.

 

[Tengu]

Dont patronise him.

This is very important

 

[jason83]

In fairness I think the best way would be to take a project like building be it a shed in the garden or a log cabin something you need to think about but something that's visual and have him help but let him suggest ways to overcome problems in the process teach him skills to do the job and let him take control as often as possible so that once the project is done ou can step back and tell him "you did that, you created that" so he can actually see what he has and can achieve. I've had it myself I lack confidence but once I've done it I feel successful and confident and want to do it again or try something else, it fills you with that sense of "yeah I did that, Damn I'm good" feeling if that makes sense? You can tell people all day long but doing and seeing shows the person that they can do it and have the ability but they just need to believe in themselves.

 

[jason83]

Sorry for the long way round haha

 

[TeeDee]

Tengu - wasn't planning too!!!

 

[Tengu]

Ummm, but I was a tad uncomfortable with your OPs long words

 

[Chaard]

i guess just be positive and try lots - i recently started climbing well bouldering actually. great fun and lots of people around to help and chat to when you get stuck. you call different routes up the wall 'problems' and you have to work out how to get through the problems. you have a very simple goal but with a nit of thinking and some great exercise you see yourself getting better and have a sense of completion even if you spend 2hrs on one 3m climb and your hands are killing. great to build some determination too.

other than that i like the other post about travelling. any country - just see more of the world.

money helps with a lot of things but i read a quote recently that seemed to ring true "if you want your children to turn out well, spend twice the time with them and half as much money"

 

[sandbender]

"...something like a kibbutz would do wonders for self growth..."

You'd think so, but I'm met a good few folks who have some quite negative memories of time on a kibbutz, WOOFing would be nearer to hand and would likely produce a sense of satisfaction, he'd probably pick up some useful skills too.

Has he thought about a career? If you know a small employer/tradesman who could put him on a 'mini apprenticeship' type thing, one where he is actually learning the basics of a trade that can be fulfilling and provide some useful skills for the future.

A young man who can actually do something with his hands, be it putting up a set of shelves, baking a loaf of bread or rewiring a lighting circuit generally feels a bit of self worth, possession of the knowledge and certainty that you can do a thing is one of the best confidence builders there is. In my experience anyway.

 

[RonW]

Give him something to do; tasks that are challenging, but doable without massive amounts of effort. Things that have been suggested like camping (pitching tent, preparing food). Sandbender's last sentence is a very good one.
There is no need to talk a lot. Just being there for him and doing things with him should suffice in the beginning. Maybe try and figure out what he might be interested in and go from there. That is a challenge in its own, I guess.
Good luck to the both of you!

 

[Mesquite]

What is your nephew interested in TD, any hobbies that you could help him with?

 

[didicoy]

Try to book yourself and him on a weekends hedgelaying course. I've worked with many disconnected teenagers and somehow they thrive doing practical work outdoors. If you both enjoy it, you can look at other conservation projects and learn new skills too.

If you really want to be cool. Take him to a car auction. Buy a cheap car and challenge the car to get you both to a round Britain driving challenge or across Europe. Small budget for spares, but idea is to sell car, recoupe money and take train home if it's Europe. Scrap car and hitch a lift home if it's in Britain and you can't drive it back home. Go have some fun, the pair of you.

 

[Tengu]

That last sounds great fun. Can I join in?

Or simply do up an old classic...or build a kit car.