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tenbears10

Native
Oct 31, 2003
1,220
0
xxxx
Oh our american cousins. I heard recently that an english person in the US was asked how long they had been there and when they replied 3 months the american was impressed how much of the language they had already picked up.

You just can't make this stuff up, it wouldn't be so funny.

Bill
 

C_Claycomb

Moderator staff
Mod
Oct 6, 2003
7,403
2,422
Bedfordshire
That rinkworks site is great. I found it ages ago and read everything on there at one point. There are some really funny IT related stories, not to mention some good product warning label stuff :lol:
 

jakunen

Native
Just as I thought I couldn't here anything dafter, someone had to go and prove me wrong!

Do these people have their brains surgically removed or are they just bred that way? (And no I don't mean any offense to our US brethren and sistren, my sister-in-law is a Michiganian and I love her to bits, but she'd never ask anythig as dumb as that! And some of those quote have to be from non-US tourists too!).
 

leon-1

Full Member
Well this is one that turned up in my inbox earlier :)

25 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served at Work

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to
hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the
bar.
17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
18. Everyone agrees the work is better after they've had a couple of
drinks.
19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
22. The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross,"
25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.
 

leon-1

Full Member
General Motors v Microsoft


For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics.

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
 

JakeR

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Jan 18, 2004
2,288
4
36
Cardiff
"Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests." :rolmao: So true! :shock: :wink:

:biggthump
 

Squidders

Full Member
Aug 3, 2004
3,853
15
48
Harrow, Middlesex
Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur! Oveur.
Tower voice: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Captain Oveur: Huh?

-Airplane
 

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